MMM OUGH Slirp yes DELicious GROUT

Man, I almost drank myself to death yesterday, I can't even remember my name, if only there was someone that could help me.

The the trustworthy and saint-like lieutenant:

sunrise, parabellum

Sorry but I can't allow this to remain just in the tags

i sure hope that i don't drop my sacred abyssal egg that delicately contains all of the entrapped evil of the previous era, that would be like rilly bad

me: catches you in my arms and twirls around with you giggling and laughing!!!

the sacred egg: completely safe on the desk in its ornate stand

mostly inevitable meteor: (hurtling towards my study at 320,000 km/h but just barely gets redirected by the subtle gravity of a passing blue moon)

the decorative egg swindler: (breaking into the neighbors instead because he sees my sister's old car parked in the drive way, they were lovers ten years ago but broke up on good terms)

airplane of stunning destiny: (runs out of fuel due to a clerical mistake and begins plumetting towards my house, but the grizzled pilot manages to pull a hairpin maneuver that allows the plane to perfectly coast for 3 more minutes before crashing & exploding in a nearby farmstead)

evil spirits of grand possession: (whispering wickedly) our powers are significantly weakened by the membrane of this egg but after ages of studying this prison, it is becoming evident that therw is a slight imperfection in the binding seal.. we may have just enough power to sway the will of small vermin

starving mouse of particular tastes: (scurries out of a crack in the wall, eyes lock onto the egg but gets entirely distracted by the scent of a bowl of cherries coming from the next room)

maid of utmost devotion: (sweeping around the desk with a feather duster and isnt paying full attention because it's watching us play out of the corner of its eyes, yet it doesn't make a mistake at all)

me: (suddenly hits the egg with a hammer because I'm bored)

Happy Birthday Big Bill!

funny you should mention that

I like when people like a character so way too much that it transcends even self shipping or kinning and becomes more of a patron saint that you pray to type of deal

"patron saint" stop using catholic figures in a blasphemous way! it's disrespectful to catholics.

youve made me very happy by saying this

you...enjoy being disrespectful to catholics?

Trump: STOP BEING MEAN TO MY FRIEND'S BUSINESS! BOYCOTTING IS ILLEGAL! I WILL MAKE YOU BUY HIS STUFF!

Me, gazing into Boston Harbor with a tear in my eye: that's what they said about the British East India Company my dude

Rock on

Official Post of Massachusetts

Dragons: Lanterns and Signs 🐉

Gonna hang one of these outside the door of my condo and dare the HOA to complain

I used to be 21 but now I'm 24. so you can understand why I'm so freaked out

buddy I was in this situation and then next thing I knew I was 27. watch out man

happy trans day of visibility

like the most politically neutered movie of all time unironically

the book this is based on (the true meaning of smekday) is uh. more

lot of people are going to be sent careening three posts down their dash and crashing into a brick wall because of this post

Faced with one final test before his admission to the criminal organization, gang initiate Hector Gunnerson was reportedly forced to peacefully deescalate a conflict Thursday to prove that he was not a cop. “I know Big Mike vouched for you, but before you can run with the Riverside Boys, we need to make sure you’re not an undercover,” said gang leader Butch ‘Mad Dog’ Tucker, who nodded for one of his men to start a verbal altercation with another gang member so that Gunnerson could either help amicably resolve the dispute or violently escalate it, depending on his instincts. 

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literally i dont give a fuck about prom unless registeel is going

bring out the pussy

*sound of a cart with squeaky wheels approaching*