you aren't good your obedient
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Zatanna projecting her period cramps onto Constantine
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I don't know what I like most about this panel: the singing, the fact that Dick apparently installed a trapeze bar above the freaking swimming pool at Titans Tower, or the adorableness of him performing an Olympic-level acrobatics maneuver and immediately being like "Did you see that, Donna? :D Did you see what I did?"
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my fanart for dc x sonic crossover!
they know their target audience
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when I told a friend that I was a devout member of the “English teacher Jason Todd” headcanon, her addition was: “what if he catches one of his students in a gang or something? He begins to deal psychic damage while beating people up”
Jason: YOU DIDNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO INDENT A PARAGRAPH UNTIL A WEEK AGO, JARED. PUT THE GUN AWAY
Jared: *runs*
Jason: *yelling at his back* YES, GO CRY TO THE MOM WHO WAS WRITING YOUR ESSAYS UNTIL TENTH GRADE
the gangs start avoiding him because they’ve found out that any of their newer, younger recruits will flee at the sight of him. (By god, how did he know about that horrible test score? That awkward boner? That PE incident involving a stinky shoe? How did he have that kid’s MOM’S PHONE NUMBER???)
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Clark’s favourite post-big-mission-destress is using his super hearing to tune in to whatever bullshit Bruce has to deal with on the batplane ride back to Gotham with whatever batkids were on hand during the fight.
Bruce: alright is everybody strapped in-?
Tim: -fucking told you to move up- BRUCE TELL DAMIAN TO SHOVE IT
Jason: oh my god did you see Green Arrow eat shit when that guy shot at him?
Dick: Jason YOU shot him
Bruce: Damian you have to let Tim- Jason that was YOU-?
Jason: hey i TOLD him to move out the way it’s not my fault the bullet ricochetted off a lamppost into his leg-
Bruce: i told you to leave the real bullets at home- TIM STOP HITTING YOUR BROTHER
Duke: WAIT I LEFT MY IPOD BACK AT THE FIGHT
Tim: how am i the one getting in trouble- HES LITERALLY GOT HIS KNIFE OUT
Damian: i told you if you got in my way during the battle you would regret it and WHAT DID YOU DO?!
Stephanie: shut up Damian you were totally about to kick it, Tim saved your ass.
Tim: THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO I GET IN RETURN?
Jason: who the fuck takes an ipod to a fight we literally have bluetooth in the comms
Duke: who the fuck dies to the Joker he’s literally just a guy
Jason: OI-
Stephanie: *cackling*
Bruce: OK- Damian and Tim, opposite sides of the plane! Duke we can’t turn back now, i’ll just have to get you a new ipod-
Dick: BRUUUUUUUUCE JASONS BLEEEEDDDIIINNNNGGG
Jason: shut the fuck up you fucking snitch!
Bruce: WHO’S BLEEDING?!? JASON-
Stephanie: hey Duke can i paint your nails- TIM GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE
Damian: Father, Grayson has passed out
Bruce: WHAT-
Jason: HAH! I WIN THE BET HE FUCKING OWES ME 20 DOLLARS
Tim: what bet?
Jason: we both got stabbed so we didnt tell anyone to see who could stay awake the longest
Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT-
Duke: do you guys even understand how many songs i had downloaded on that ipod? it was fucking engraved, man
Stephanie: Damian stop moving your fucking hands you’re gonna mess up the nail polish
Damian: I HAD TO ITCH MY NOSE
Jason: does anyone wanna see the video of Green Arrow eating shit or what?
Tim, Damian, Duke, Stephanie: YES
Bruce: WE HAVE TO GET DICK A BLOOD TRANSFUSION-
-back with the Justice League-
Clark: *sitting back with his eyes closed, a serene smile on his face*
Barry, whispering to Ollie: what’s he doing?
Ollie: i think it’s a post-battle meditation thing, calms him down
Barry: man, i should really start getting some healthier habits. i never bother meditating.
Ollie: he truly is an inspiration to all.
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the family find out Jason is alive before he has the chance to come to Gotham as Red Hood because at 4am while searching for some random background videos to play while he worked, Tim stumbles upon the youtube channel that Jason’s been uploading survival videos to throughout his training at the LOA
Tim, not paying attention to the TV as he taps at his laptop:
the TV, autoplay enabled: “-part 2 of how to escape an old desert city, now I’ve been here for like two weeks but I got these magic swords now which is cool-“
Tim, slowly glancing at the screen and freezing:
“-also wanna say shout out to my little brother Damian, who demanded i put him in a video, so there we go, and also thanks to the commenter who pointed out in part 1 that around the ten minute mark there was some shadowy shape watching me in the distance, you were totally right and i took care of that fucker-“
Tim:
Tim: bRUCE-
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Low-key need more Jason, who is writing death metaphors for the laughter instead of the casual "LMAO/LOL", which clearly makes certain family members uncomfortable.
Dick: *sends a video of Bruce tripping on his own cloak by the accident in the family chat*
Jason: I AM EXPLODING
Tim: ...You sure did, buddy.
Bruce: *-*
Jason, messaging with a link to the funny article about Bruceman: CROWBAR-ED
Dick, one step from crying: Jason-
Damian and Tim: *bickering in the groupchat*
Jason: Stopp, I am going to choke on my blood
Bruce, remembering the batarang incident: Jason, can we talk-
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They have a Wall of Shame for the Worst Mission Plans™. Among them are:
- Hire a band for mood music
- Build a fake Batburger
- Draw Killer Croc out by flooding the sewers
- End all crime by renaming Crime Alley to Lawful Fun Times Alley
- Do all the drugs so there's nothing left to deal
- Adopt all the criminals and ground them so they can't leave the house and do crime
- Kill everyone
- Give all civilians an emergency hand grenade
- Microdose bullets to build immunity
- Take Gotham and move it somewhere else because there's clearly something in the water
- Dump all the Rogues in Metropolis. They're Superman's problem now
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Dick: You've become more cheerful and relaxed lately
Jason: Yeah, that's because I'm seeing a therapist regularly now!
Dick [interested]: And does that really help you so much?
Jason: To lift my spirits—absolutely!
Jason: I answer a question with a question, I lie, I dodge, I act and I test to see if he can figure out my game
Jason: We'll see who's the first to whine about their childhood traumas!
the therapist breaks four weeks in and spills their Traumatic Backstory™️
red hood is seen beating up a child abuser that night, and the therapist takes an extra hard look at each of their clients the next morning wondering who spilled to RH. Jason just grins
I love how this implies that the therapist has confessed their backstory to almost all of their clients.
This is Gotham. You don’t even need a level five friendship membership card to unlock the Tragic Backstory™️, you just need a fake ID and an even more fake air of sympathy
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Guys. Since Damian’s on a path to becoming a doctor, he’s probably a nightmare to watch medical dramas with. Like imagine Jon and him start watching House MD because it’s a mystery show and a medical drama.
Damian: Are you kidding? Why are the doctors doing the testing? Don’t they have other patients to get to? This is ridiculous!
Jon: Fine I’ll put on something else.
Damian: Don’t you dare, I bet you it’s going to be cysticercosis.
Not exactly the romantically chill evening Jon was expecting but… it’s fun to see Damian get so invested.