I hate sand

i will miss this place when it finally kicks the bucket. not as much as i would've a couple years ago, but still

If I were a security guard for a person who’s being targeted by assassins I simply wouldn’t devote my entire attention span to every single noise I hear.

Why do I care if there’s a random noise in this out-of-the-way dark corner? My post is right here.

But… but I threw a rock there. Y-you gotta check

If I hear a noise I’m gonna throw a flash grenade in that direction.

MY EYES AND EARS

“Got a neutralized assassin in gate 17.”

“Did they try distracting you by throwing a rock?”

“Yeah, they did.”

“Fucking idiot.”

4 years of community assassin college for nothing

You know what really makes this post? The fact that the assassin’s blog is deactivated. Seems OPs flashbang worked.

What have I done?!

If I were a security guard for a person who’s being targeted by assassins I simply wouldn’t devote my entire attention span to every single noise I hear.

Why do I care if there’s a random noise in this out-of-the-way dark corner? My post is right here.

But… but I threw a rock there. Y-you gotta check

If I hear a noise I’m gonna throw a flash grenade in that direction.

MY EYES AND EARS

“Got a neutralized assassin in gate 17.”

“Did they try distracting you by throwing a rock?”

“Yeah, they did.”

“Fucking idiot.”

4 years of community assassin college for nothing

You know what really makes this post? The fact that the assassin’s blog is deactivated. Seems OPs flashbang worked.

What have I done?!

keeping up with people is so hard i dont want to have to text them i want to sleep in their arms and wake up and look up at them and say "i love you" and kiss them before burying my face back in the space between them and my pillow before passing out again

i should be able to wake up in their bed, see that they arent there, and sleepily get up and search the house until i spot them then just go up to them and hug them and follow them around like a pet all while not saying a word and barely having my eyes open and then we go like lay down on the couch or something

keeping up with people is so hard i dont want to have to text them i want to sleep in their arms and wake up and look up at them and say "i love you" and kiss them before burying my face back in the space between them and my pillow before passing out again

i should be able to wake up in their bed, see that they arent there, and sleepily get up and search the house until i spot them then just go up to them and hug them and follow them around like a pet all while not saying a word and barely having my eyes open and then we go like lay down on the couch or something

keeping up with people is so hard i dont want to have to text them i want to sleep in their arms and wake up and look up at them and say "i love you" and kiss them before burying my face back in the space between them and my pillow before passing out again

i should be able to wake up in their bed, see that they arent there, and sleepily get up and search the house until i spot them then just go up to them and hug them and follow them around like a pet all while not saying a word and barely having my eyes open and then we go like lay down on the couch or something

Remember when Stephen Hawking was more worried about inequality under capitalism than artificial intelligence in a Reddit AMA and people started telling him to read an economics 101 book? Wild. Anyways rip Steve

“If machines produce everything we need, the outcome will depend on how things are distributed. Everyone can enjoy a life of luxurious leisure if the machine-produced wealth is shared, or most people can end up miserably poor if the machine-owners successfully lobby against wealth redistribution. So far, the trend seems to be toward the second option, with technology driving ever-increasing inequality. “  

how are you people alive.

theres an old cold war joke that goes like this: a KGB agent and a CIA agent meet up for drinks off the clock, and after a few drinks they start to talk shop. the CIA agent extols the strength of the Party's propaganda, "All your citizens believe the propaganda! it's incredible! So little dissent." and the KGB responds, "No my friend no, we are good at what we do, but you are the true masters of the art. No one at all questions your propaganda!" to which the CIA agent says, confused, "What do you mean? We don't have propaganda?"

i made this meme in a blind rage

The senate has the chance to do the funniest thing this Ides of March

I’d love to see a version of Julius Caesar where he takes the beware the Ides of March warning seriously like “oh shit. good heads up man thanks” and he goes into it with his own knife. He calms down a bit when he see’s all his best friends like “yea, the squad is here and everyone is strapped. nice”

I don’t know why this is making me laugh so hard

Because I am very funny

Julius: I have a bad feeling about today. Brutus, you have my back, right?

Brutus: … Yes. Absolutely.

[ID: comic by OP about a bar graph measuring skills from bad to good to great.

panel one: one skill maxed out at great. a person stands proudly on the bar, captioned "You can achieve true greatness if you focus fully on one thing."

two: person frowning at many skills with various levels hovering between bad and good, captioned "If you have too many interests you'll never reach your full potential."

three: person climbs the mediocre skill bars like ladder rungs, captioned "Wait, where the fuck are you going?"

four: person sits comfortably atop the graph and looks out over a blue sky and ocean

end description]

I’m not super fond of the way vampires turn pale no matter their skin tone so here’s a proposal:

Colder tones!!!

This was loosely based off livor mortis which is the bluish-purple discoloration of the skin of dead bodies. It’s a result of the gravitation of blood but fuck that vamps are purple now

Conclusion: The Count from Sesame Street is a VOC (Vampire of Color), and we stan