Yeah Mr. Darcyโs proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand.
You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And sheโs everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesnโt go out of her way to spend time with you but sheโs nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.
But her family. Holy shit.
First off, itโs p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then youโre financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever
Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already youโre accepting that if all goes well, youโre gonna be one random old bagโs retirement home. Thatโs expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.
And girlyโs other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, so she probably wonโt be an issue, but that still leaves three more, and two of those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like itโs toilet paper
And while one of the two is young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedoโing her entire familyโs reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. Sheโs never gonna work, she canโt build connections, sheโs a fucking sinkhole, and sheโs being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit whoโs been bleeding you dry while telling anyone whoโll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.
And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- youโve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW sheโs gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and itโs not like you can lock her in the basement or something, youโre gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. Sheโs not even good to TALK to. FUCK
And youโre looking at this girlโs father like โplease for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their rรฉsumรฉ, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the graveโ and that old man just laughs like โhaha yeah, what can you do. lolโ
So youโre looking to the mom and finally itโs making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is youโre starting to realize sheโs the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like theyโre a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE
And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it sheโs still the most radiant thing youโve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, youโll do it. Youโll shoot your shot. Sheโs everything youโve ever wanted in anybody abut itโs not even just about that anymore, itโs about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesnโt like you all that much sheโs still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing itโs about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesnโt LOVE you at least youโll know sheโs well and cared for
And so youโll do it. Youโll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, youโll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and youโll make your own family deal with it too, youโll do it, youโll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker
And so you go to this chick like โlook. Your whole familyโs a shitshow. Youโve got fucking nothing and youโre gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I donโt get it either- Iโve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didnโt, but I did, so Iโm telling you that whether you like me or not, Iโll give you everything. Iโll give you everything even if itโs the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, Iโll marry you.โ
And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes โThe fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?โ
And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth
And yeah
Yeah, I think I kinda get it