James: He hates me! Why does your uncle hate me Sirius??
Sirius: Oh...Because I told him you were the one who smoke pot in my room when I visited him in 5th year
Regulus *coming inside* : Hey, what's going on?
James: Sirius told Alphard that I smoke pot in Sirius' room in 5th year!
Regulus: What? Were you even there?
Sirius: ...I told him he flew out of the window
James: And why did he believe it?
Sirius: Because I told him what an excellent quidditch player you are :)
James: awwww :) you really-
Regulus: NO. Don't even start. Sirius, James and I are supposed to tell him that we live together TODAY and we can't do that if he hates James!
Sirius: Okay! Okay...I'll tell him.
Regulus: So. Did you tell him?
Sirius: Yeah about that. I was thinking of maybe writing him a letter-
Regulus: Okay you know what? You had your chance.
Regulus *goes up to Alphard*: Uncle. James didn't smoke pot in 5th year, Sirius did.
Sirius: YOU ARE SUCH A TATTLETALE!!
Alphard: Is this true Sirius?
Regulus: And uncle. Sirius was the one who melted your collection.
Sirius: REGULUS' ONLY FRIEND FOR YEARS WAS OUR HOUSE ELF
Regulus: SIRIUS AND REMUS BROKE UP, GOT TOGETHER AND BROKE UP. AGAIN!
Sirius: REGULUS BECAME A DEATH EATER THEN WENT ON A SECRET MISSION TO FIND THE HORCRUXES. ON HIS OWN!
Regulus: SIRIUS IS GOING TO ASK REMUS TO MARRY HIM!
Sirius: YOU LITTLE- REGULUS AND JAMES ARE LIVING TOGETHER!!
Alphard: ....That is a lot of information to take in 30 seconds. I will have a word with both of you later. And James.
Alphard: You have been Sirius' best friend for years, stuck by him through his drug problem
Sirius: Oh come on, it's not like he never-
Alphard: And now you've taken on Regulus as well. I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Alphard: Please. Call me uncle.
Remus: Okay so am I supposed to ignore the fact that-