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                        神 — read my rules                         get to know me . . .                         wi.ps &&& m.list 🌿

                        ## recent series. luvbot.                         ## recent work. jealous enha x reader.                         ## networks.

                      ✉︎ ៸៸ current anons. (none atm !)                       — see you next time.

// full hiatus note — 🥠

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  28 [ yn and the chipmunk ]          𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕. 2.5k 𝒕𝒘. mentions of alcohol consumption. ──────────

“it fucking reeks in here.”

you crinkle your nose in disgust as you navigate through the drunken crowd of sweaty bodies with sunoo in tow. an overplayed edm remix of some popular song is being blasted, and you can feel your entire body vibrating from the noise. this marks your second attendance of a fraternity party within a span of less than two weeks — and you can confidently say that you are unhappy to be back. “where did heeseung leave his phone again?” you yell. sunoo looks puzzled and slightly disheveled. “what?” he screams back. “i can’t hear you.” you loudly sigh. this is going to be a long night.

you make an attempt to tune out the commotion in order to recall what led you to the events at hand. who do you have to blame for your misfortune, again? ah, yes. none other than the reigning champion of disaster, jake sim — and you can’t forget lee heeseung, too. i mean, who leaves a phone at a party? you curse under your breathe and make a silent promise to tear their dumb heads off after jake gets discharged.

for now, though, you have a mission. you lightly yank sunoo arm and search for a less populated area to regroup and strategize. he lets out a startled yelp, “where are we going?” you grind your teeth together. “somewhere quieter,” you respond quickly. you narrowly sidestep a face-first crash into what looks like a faded partygoer, and safely make it off the dance floor. the two of you make your way up the stairs, and saunter your way into an empty room. you silently pray that some frat brother won’t catch the two of you loitering and kick you out. “that was close.” you let out a sigh of relief, and so does sunoo. “so, what now?” he asks. “hee’s phone. how do we find it?”

you groan, “heeseung’s not replying.” you figure it’s probably because he needs to conserve some battery on jake’s near-dead phone. “should we ask somebody?” sunoo shrugs. the two of you stand and ponder your choices for a solid two minutes. you’re so frustrated with heeseung and jake, you don’t immediately realize that this is the first proper interaction that you’ve had with sunoo since you picked him up earlier that night. well, since he confessed, to be exact. you peer at him, and he catches you staring.

“what?”

“nothing!” you sound a little too defensive.

sunoo raises an eyebrow, and you sigh in defeat. there’s no use in lying to him. after all, he was, and hopefully still is, your best friend of over five years. sunoo can read you like a book, and you know that well. this is uncomfortable; you’ve never had to avidly conceal what was on your mind in front of him before. “yn?”

“it’s just… you know.” you sound completely robotic; almost as if someone had preprogrammed your dialogue. “we haven’t talked in awhile and i was wondering if you’re, like, doing okay and stuff.” you mentally facepalm yourself for making things even more awkward than they already are. “i’m okay…” sunoo sort of trails off. “how are you?”

you sheepishly shift from foot to foot, and stare directly at the ground like it’s the most interesting thing that you’ve seen in your entire life. “i’m okay, too. anything new with you?” you ask. “not really. it’s only been less than two weeks since we last spoke, yn,” he replies. yeah, but two weeks is the longest that we’ve gone without contact. you want to remind him, but you decide to keep your mouth clamped shut.

“so, how are things with you and jungwon?” sunoo suddenly questions. you don’t sense upset or bitterness laced in his tone; just genuine curiosity. “uhhhh, good?” it sounds more like a question than an answer. well, things are doing good. you just don’t really know how to talk about it with sunoo. “are you guys are dating, now?” sunoo asks. “no? yes? i don’t know. it’s complicated,” you sigh.

“what? did he do something? seriously, that dumbass. i ought to —“ your eyes dart upwards and you wave your hand in panic. “no, nothing like that!” you interrupt. “it’s because of me! we like each other, but i’m the one that he’s waiting on,” you make a clumsy attempt to clarify. once again, sunoo looks confused. “you?”

you nod. “it’s me. i’m the reason why we aren’t together.”

“why?”

you’re taken aback at sunoo’s level of directness. after all, you weren’t exactly expecting him to ask you so many questions after the silent car ride. you knew that sunoo wasn’t the type to beat around the bush, yet you couldn’t help but to be a little flustered. “i just needed time after everything that went down,” you respond truthfully. “don’t tell me… you’re talking about my confession, aren’t you?” sunoo interrogates. “what?” you gulp. “you aren’t dating jungwon because you’re still scared of hurting me, aren’t you?” he asserts.

you can’t find it in your heart to lie to sunoo, but you struggle to confirm his words nonetheless. “sunoo, i…” his expression falters into a sad smile. “you don’t have to answer that. i already know. i know you, yn,” he reassures. he’s right; sunoo knows you well. you peel you eyes away in an attempt to hide your expression. “i’m scared…” you start. “of losing you.”

sunoo exhales a long, deep sigh and you feel nervous. “first of all, you aren’t going to lose me, yn. you mean more to me than that. above everything, you’re my best friend. sure, i have feelings for you… but our friendship is more valuable to me than anything else — and, i’m sorry for not telling you this earlier.” you nod, slowly digesting his words. “secondly, you’re an idiot. why do you always do that, yn?”

“do what?” you ask.

sunoo looks a little frustrated. “put other people first all the time. when your group members don’t show up to your meetings and make up dumb excuses, you let them off the hook. when people cut you in line at the grocery store, you just let them take your place. seriously, if you keep doing that, people are going to walk all over you,” he scolds. you laugh gently, “i know that already. you and the others always warn me about it.” sunoo shakes his head, “no you don’t. if you did, you and jungwon would be together by now,” he argues. “this is different, sunoo. you’re my best friend and —“

“it’s not different, yn,” he insists. “just because i like you, doesn’t mean you have to force yourself to lose feelings for jungwon. it makes me want to rip my hair out. why do you keep making hard decisions all by yourself, yn? and no matter how many times we tell you it isn’t your fault, you continue to beat yourself up.” you choke back a sob, “i don’t know, sunoo. is there something wrong with me?” sunoo gently shakes his head no. “no, there’s nothing wrong with you, yn. i just wish that you’d be easier on yourself. you’re so selfless all the time and… and that’s a part of why i like you so much, yn.” sunoo looks away, embarrassed. “but still, it can’t be helped. i can’t cast a spell for you to like me, yn. that’s not how it works.”

you glance at sunoo, “i’m sorry. i… i was just scared that you were going to decide that being my friend was too much to handle, and i was about to do something really stupid. i thought i could handle this all on my own, sunoo — but it’s hard. i was so conflicted because i felt like i had to choose between you and jungwon.” the sentences finally flow out of your mouth naturally, and you find yourself crying for the second time that night. you feel like a tall child.

“yn…” sunoo hesitates as if he’s carefully choosing his next words. “i’m sorry, too. i was being really harsh, and… i made a lot of bad decisions, too,” he admits. “even though i don’t regret confessing to you, i should have known better then to just leave it at that. i had no idea that things would turn out the way that they did.” you firmly shake your head. “you didn’t wrong me in any way, sunoo,” you mumble through tears. “i’m just happy that you aren’t leaving my life.” sunoo smiles, “me too.”

“are we okay, now? or do you need more time? i can wait,” you sniffle. “no, that’s okay. i thought about it for a long time, and i figured that i’m not gonna let some dumb feelings ruin our friendship,” he replies. “they aren’t dumb, sunoo. thank you for liking me so earnestly,” you respond, and you pull him in for a long overdue hug. “i missed you, sunoo. we all did — jake, hee and i.”

“i missed you guys, too,” he replies warmly. a few moments pass by, and you pull away with a bright grin. “i should probably apologize to jungwon, though,” sunoo abruptly laments. “huh? oh… that,” you realize what he’s talking about. “right.”

“is he cursing me out right now?” sunoo worriedly asks. “i mean, i kind of get it. i grabbed his collar and i was about to swing. i don’t know what got into me that night. i’ve been too embarrassed to see him ever since,” he mutters. “no, nothing like that. the opposite, actually. he was the one who told me to go smooth things out with you. well, i was planning on doing it either way but i was nervous and needed a push,” you comment thoughtfully. “that’s good. still, i should probably talk to him. i never hated jungwon, or anything like that. i was just jealous.”

“jealous?” you question. “kind of. but anyways, that’s in the past! if the two of you become a couple, i can’t become a wedge in between you guys, anymore. i’m not an asshole,” sunoo sighs. your face reddens at his words. “couple?” you stammer. “we aren’t a couple…”

sunoo wiggles his eyebrows. “yeah, not yet,” he teases. “shut up,” you whine. “i’m so embarrassed. i sobbed my eyes out in front of him earlier, i don’t know how i’m going to face him.” sunoo looks amused at your despair and you have the violent urge to wipe that dumb smirk off his face. “woah, so the great yn is nothing more than a simp, after all?” he gently elbows you. “fuck off!” you let out an undignified groan. “now that’s sorted out, we should probably focus on looking for heeseung’s phone, huh?” sunoo remarks. “damn, i forgot all about that,” you seethe. “this is going to be such a pain in the ass.”

the corners of sunoo’s lips pull into a grimace, as his eyes dart around the room. “we should split up. the frat house is kind of big… i can ask beomgyu or soobin to lend a hand and ask everyone to look for heeseung’s phone,” he suggests. you lift your head up and nod, “that sounds like the best idea for now. i’ll scout upstairs and you do downstairs,” you add.

“you’re such an asshole, yn. downstairs is where all the people are!” sunoo whines. “you do downstairs, i’ll stay upstairs.”

“no way! i dibbed upstairs first and —“

ring, ring. you can distinctly hear a ringtone coming from the same direction as the en-suite bathroom. the two of you cautiously cross the room and follow the insistent chime. lo and behold, a familiar phone sits atop a granite counter, frantically buzzing and begging to be picked up.

“is that…” sunoo doesn’t wait for you to finish your sentence before he hurriedly snatches the phone to answer it. he presses speakerphone and the two of you intently listen in.

“hello? hi, please don’t hang up!” none other than lee heeseung is desperately wailing on the other line. “my name is lee heeseung — and you have my phone! please don’t wipe it and sell it, i’m a broke college student! i cant afford another one,” he pleads. you fight the desire to cackle and hang up, “heeseung.”

“yes! that’s my name. anyways, it’s a really long story. i’m in the hospital right now because my dumb friend ate soap. he’s so stupid. listen, at this party, you’ll find this blonde-headed guy! he kind of looks like a smaller squirrel? like, a squirrel but imagine that it got stung in the face? what’s that animal called? it’s a little round-faced and — oh, right! a chipmunk. anyways, his name is sunoo! and you could give him my phone, or — “

“heeseung!” you’re growing a little sick of his antics. “shut up, and listen to me!” you hiss. “hey… that’s kind of rude, you know. you’re talking to a complete stranger, right now; show some compassion! moving on, there’s another person that you could give it to if you can’t find sunoo! their name is —“ heeseung just won’t stop talking, huh? “yn! their name is yn, and yn is talking on the phone with you right now!” you yell into the speaker. heeseung finally ceases, and you can practically hear the gears churning in his head. “yn? how are you on the phone, right now?” he asks dumbfounded. “because we found it, you asshat,” you reply, angrily. “some directions in finding your phone would have really helped, hee,” sunoo adds, equally as pissed.

“nice! thanks, guys!” heeseung replies cheerfully, disregarding your irritated tone of voice. you silently pull the phone away to restrain yourself from allowing a slew of unimaginable words from being said. on the bright side, heeseung did indirectly initiate the your make up with sunoo — granted that it was a dumb way in an even dumber place. nonetheless, it’s a relief that you found the phone this fast. given the size of the frat house and the amount of people currently inhabiting it, it could’ve taken well over two hours. “hee, are you still at the hospital?” you finally ask after taking a few seconds to calm yourself down. “yeah, jake’s getting discharged, in a bit. we just need to fill out some paperwork, before we go,” he replies.

“first,” you suck in a breath of air. “how is he?” you question. “is jake okay, now?” heeseung hums. “he’s fine. the doctors said that he just needs a day or two to recuperate and he’ll be back on his feet.” you let out a sigh of relief. “that’s good to hear. i swear, if he gets drunk and does something stupid like that again —“

“you’ll rip our heads off, i know. phone’s about to die, yn. tell me when you get to the hospital parking lot. thanks again, guys! you’re the best,” heeseung makes a lousy attempt at flattery before ending the call. sunoo looks at you with a tad bit of worry. “i know that you’re mad, yn, but you can’t be violent towards a patient,” he remarks. “i know,” you respond, with yet another sigh. “anyways, we should really get going.” you check the time on heeseung’s phone and it reads 3:00 AM. you cringe, thinking about your incoming 9:00AM lecture. “yeah… like right now. let’s get going,” you grumble, and the two of you leave the fraternity house.

on your way out, you reckon that jake and heeseung are so lucky that you’re feeling generous today.

𝗮𝗻.             biology makes me sad af btw this is not proofread srry 4 the word vomit 😓

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁        @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesasahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg @aernx [open] ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  27 *re-upload [ slippery situation. ] ──────────

𝗮𝗻.               i wanna start another smau since i have a vacation from school soon but im debating between like three diff plotlines rn 😁 alsp tumblr keeps reformatting my posts help ??? it’s prolly bc i post on my phone + pc but it’s sooooo weird man… gotta fix that rq don’t mind the master list it’s a mess rn 👎

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁        @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesasahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg @aernx [open] ───────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  26 [ hater ] ──────────

𝗮𝗻.               i have yet to process that my sr year is almost over 😱 i have exams in less than two weeks and i am not excitef boooooooo !!!1!!1

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁        @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg @aernx ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  25 [ don’t cry over spilled milkis. ]          𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕. 2.1k ──────────

you’re nervously fidgeting on a park bench near your student accommodations when you spot yang jungwon running towards you. it’s only been a week since you’ve last seen him in-person; yet, for some reason, the palms of your hands have become incredibly clammy. you turn to the side and whip out a compact mirror.

you look like gaunt shit. well, it sort of makes sense considering that you haven’t had a good night’s rest ever since the event you’ve decided to dub ‘the friday night fiasco’.

“yn?” you turn to see a familiar face. jungwon doesn’t look so well himself. it’s almost as if he hadn’t been getting enough rest or nutrition— maybe, even light— in the past few days. you shoot him a look of deep concern, before noticing the round beads of sweat forming on the sides of his neck and forehead. “did you run here?” you ask him. “uhh, just a light jog. did you wait long?“ jungwon asks. you shake your head no, and beckon him to have a seat next to you. he hands you a can of milkis from a nearby vending machine. “thanks,” you smile at him but it feels a bit strained. you have the entire conversation mapped out in your mind: you’ll explain the situation with sunoo, and tell him that you haven’t been contacting him because you’ve been sorting out your own feelings regarding the situation. sure, you'd be concealing a few major details from him, but this is for the best. give it a few months and perhaps your feeling for him will subdue. it’s no big deal. this simple white lie is for the sake of everyone involved, you tell yourself.

still, you don’t feel entirely satisfied with this outcome.

the two of you sit in awkwardly quietude, occasionally taking sips from your respective cans. you notice that the scent surrounding the two of you closely resembles pork belly wraps and grilled beef intestine. in attempt to start a conversation, you say the first thing that comes to mind. “it smells… like meat?” you pause. one beat, two beats of silence pass. and then, heat proceeds to rise to jungwon’s face. “i came directly from dinner with sunghoon. we had barbecue, so…” he trails off and you resist the keen urge to slam your head onto concrete. the air feels even thicker with uneasy silence as you two break eye contact in attempt to recollect yourselves. so awkward.

you clear your throat, “so—“

“well— jungwon simultaneously begins his sentence before clamping his mouth shut. he laughs a little. “you go first.” suddenly, you’re reminiscent of the first proper conversation the two of you had. well, the first exchange the two of you had that wasn’t a dumb argument over some ludicrous misunderstanding. you chuckle a little, and jungwon looks relieved. well, at least the awkwardness has settled. your lips curl into a half-smile, “okay. well, i just…”

now what do i say? you begin to panic as days of mental preparation trickle down the drain. should i just be honest? “hey, i haven’t talked to you for like a week or two because my best friend of over five years confessed to me — but here’s the catch, i actually like you! we can stay friends even after this huge mess, right? and just ignore the fact that i have feelings for you.” fuck no! i can’t say that.you come to the realization that the rehearsed exchange with your bedroom wall sounded considerably better than the words loosely playing in your mind. you inhale, gripping onto the barely-touched soda can with your two hands. you feel the condensation seeping through the cracks between your fingers. it feels cold and a little uncomfortable. jungwon glances at you, anxiously. “yn—“

you groan. “this would be so much easier if i could just say ‘jungwon, i like you. i’ve liked you for awhile’,” you mutter. before you can realize that you were in fact thinking out loud, jungwon spits out his drink. “gross, dude!” you yelp, hurriedly handing him a few wrinkled restaurant napkins from your pocket. “what did you say?“ he sounds exasperated. you blink. wait, what did i just say?

the embarrassment that followed hits you like a ton of bricks. “oh, man. that’s not how this was supposed to go,” you utter. “you… like me?” jungwon looks at you, expression entirely dumbfounded. “you weren’t going to reject me?” he asks you. you gaze back at him with a similar level of disbelief. “reject you? why would i reject you, jungwon?” you respond, before pausing in realization.“wait a second. you like me, too?” you sputter.

“since when?” he suddenly questions.

“since what?” you’re flustered.

“since when have you liked me?”

“i mean, i always thought you were cute. we just kind of got off on the wrong foot, so i always denied being attracted to you — but that’s the not the point. i’ve liked you ever since we hung out at the han river.” you breathe in a sharp breath as you attempt to hide the growing crimson blushing to develop on the apples of your cheeks. you're mortified, to say the absolute least. this is most definitely not going as planned “okay, besides that!” your voice becomes an embarrassingly high-pitched squeak. “what about you?” you ask in an attempt to shift the spotlight away from yourself. jungwon pauses, and you can't tell if he's teasing you or if he's genuinely thinking about it. “what about me?” he responds. this cheeky fuckface. you have the strong urge to sock him in the stomach. “you like me? like, like? as in you wouldn’t mind holding my hand, or hugging me, or— other stuff…” other stuff? nice one.

“i thought it was pretty obvious that i like you too, yn.” jungwon huffs. your eyes widen so largely, you feel like they’re on the verge of bulging out of the sockets. he carefully takes a look at your face in amusement, and continues. “i like everything about you. i like how considerate you are, and how closely you pay attention to others. you have this comfortable presence that makes everyone around you feel at ease. thinking about you always puts this massive smile on my face and i absolutely love being with you, too.” jungwon’s sudden declaration of his feelings causes your entire body feels incredibly warm. it was almost as if someone lit a matchstick and set it ignite. you feel a swarm of butterflies consuming the space in your stomach. “jungwon, i—“

what about sunoo?

suddenly, you become incredibly conscious of the upright hair on your body as the follicles on your skin contract to form small goosebumps along your arms and legs. you’re looking for the right words to say but the growing lump wedged in your throat renders you speechless. you’re not plainly scared, you realize. you’re absolutely petrified. although a million thoughts rack your mind, the most prominent concern is whether you can pursue your feelings for jungwon with confidence knowing that it may hurt sunoo. all the pent-up ecstasy came to an instantaneous crash and burn with your next sentence. “but i feel guilty,” you whisper.

jungwon looks a little dazed, “guilty for what?” his voice is no louder than a whisper, his glistening eyes that shine vibrantly despite the dimmed twilight sky. “yn?” jungwon gently puts his hand on your shoulder, almost as if he’s attempting to rouse you out of your panicked distress. you feel yourself begin to shake. am i going to lose jungwon too? “i’m sorry. i thought i was ready to confront the situation. i guess this has been taking a bigger toll on me than i imagined.” you notice that jungwon has begun to study your expression. you have the urge to laugh off your tears and insist that you’re doing just about swimmingly, but you figure it’s a little too late to resort to that tactic. “it’s okay, take your time. there’s no rush, yeah?” you nod in response, “i’m sorry. i don’t really get myself right now, too. i’m all over the place — i mean, i just told you that i like you and now i’m crying my eyes out.”

you sigh. “i feel like i’m letting everyone down.” you fight back the plump, hot tears welling in the inner corners of your eyes. “i rejected sunoo the other day and i feel like shit. i don’t know, i don’t think i’m an angel or anything — but i thought that i was at least semi-perceptive of the people around me. i was so caught up with myself, i didn’t even realize that my best friend was hurting because of me. i just feel selfish, jungwon. i don’t know if i can be happy if it means it’ll be at the expense of sunoo’s happiness.” you had spent the past week supposedly reflecting on your own feelings, but you feel like you’ve been rudely shoved back to square one. all you can do is spew a bunch of self-deprecating crap and laugh bitterly.

“will you being unhappy make him any happier?” jungwon asks. you look up, eyes swollen nearly shut. you’re unable to answer. jungwon taps his chin, thoughtfully. “hear me out, okay? i’m not sunoo. so, i can’t really speak on his behalf, but he seems to cherish you a lot. i doubt someone who genuinely likes you would want you to feel this way. you aren’t at fault for not reciprocating his feelings, yn — you can’t control the way that you feel. you're trying to make all these sacrifices, but who exactly is going to benefit from them? it won't really change how you feel, or how sunoo feels. you're punishing yourself over something you have no real control over."

you allow his words to sink in. it feels like your face has been flushed with ice cold water. who exactly am i doing this for? you've been insistently reminding yourself it was for sunoo, but you're not so certain anymore. "sunoo... sunoo told me to still go after you, you know," you croak. "but even then, i still hesitated. i kept imagining our friendship as some scale; he always goes out of his way for me, so i should try and do something for him for once. if there was some sort of balance, maybe things would go back to normal. i never realized how counterproductive this would all be." you wipe your tears with the hem of your sleeve. "in some shitty way, maybe i'm just doing all of this to lift my sense of guilt for not being a better friend to sunoo. i felt so bad for not realizing that he had feelings for me, so i tried to make up for my mistakes even without him asking me. i’m overcompensating like an idiot.” you sigh, deeply. it wouldn’t change his feelings— nor would it change your lack thereof. "everyone has flaws, yn. you're not any less susceptible to them. that doesn’t make you an idiot. still, there are better ways to deal with this. ways that don't consist of you beating yourself up. you can't force your friendship with sunoo to go back to normal or turn back time— but you can try to mend things when he's ready. even then, i doubt sunoo is really upset at you. everyone seems like they just want to see you happy — including me."

“i know. i’m sorry i dragged you into this stupid mess.” jungwon sternly turns his head from side-to-side. “don’t apologize to me, yn," he replies. "i'm always here for you…” jungwon pauses mid-sentence. “but don't get me wrong or anything. i’m not saying all of this stuff to push you into starting something with me,” he adds. jungwon scratches the nape of his neck, and looks away. though, you can still spot the reddening tips of his ears. “let’s just take this at your pace. i don’t want to rush you into something that you aren’t prepared for. even if you decide that you don’t want to pursue anything more with me — i just want to see you prioritize your own happiness for once.”

“have you always been like this?” you ask. “like what?” jungwon looks puzzled, and you think his expression is pretty damn endearing. “patient. i mean, i kind of ghosted you without much explanation for a week — and now you’re offering to give me more time. aren’t you frustrated?” jungwon chortles in response. “jay usually tells me that i’m the impatient type,” he admits, sheepishly. “but i can wait if it’s for you. just promise to continue texting me and stuff — just so i know that you’re alive, of course.”

you roll your eyes. “yeah, i promise.” you smile and he grins back.

almost as if the universe had comedically planned it in advance, your phone loudly chimes to the tune of kara’s honey. way to ruin the moment. you shuffle through your pockets, cursing at the conveniently terrible timing of your alarm. “shit, i gotta go. it’s almost curfew.” you aggressively slam your finger onto the snooze button, and quickly stand up. “i can walk you,” jungwon insists. “no, it’s alright. it’s super close by.” the jutted pout painted on jungwon’s lips makes you hesitant to leave. “we’ll see each other tomorrow on campus,” you remind him.

“i know.” jungwon shuffles from foot to foot. “see you tomorrow, then?” you quickly nod in response, “text me when you get home. bye, jungwon!” he waves, and you begrudgingly rush back to your dormitory. on your way back, you’re unable to beat the idiotically wide grin plastered across your face.

you deem that no matter how hard you resist the urge to fall for yang jungwon, he, along with his stupid dimpled smile, have already captured your heart.

𝗮𝗻.               we got some communication (finally) hope you guys enjoyed this extra long chapter !! 😝😝

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁        @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg @aernx [ re-opened ] ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  24 [ meat lover. ] ───────────

𝗮𝗻.               has it been more than a year? yes. am i sorry? extremely. also i wrote this at 4am in the morning, so pls excuse any inconsistencies and spelling errors. i'm re-doing my taglist, so pls feel free to ask me to join !! as always, ignore the timestamps and new pfp pics </3 the old ones got reset

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁        @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

TYSM FOR 800+ NOTES ON LUVBOT AND 400 FOLLOWS !! ILY ALL SM FOR YOUR SUPPORT AAAAAAAa

you guys are so swaggy 😎🕺🕺

omg ive been so inactive again 🥲 someone give me motivation to finish luvbot and finally upload my fic

ngl i did not intend for luvbot to be this angsty but here we are </3

𝗹𝘂𝘃𝗯𝗼𝘁. ─  23 [ i hate it here. ] ──────────

𝗮𝗻.               andddd we're back!!! thank you to everyone for your patience!! i'll try my best to upload at least once a week</3 schools been so crazy lately:(

𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁         @xoxojayd3n @cosmiclele @echelhoops @chimiesspeach @yjwooon @yangyanghq @lumixen @instahann @sleepy-paws @plshhhhhhh @ncityy04 @n1k1tty @wonionie @youreverydayzebra @reallysmolrenjun @strawberryyukhei @studioreader @clear-colour-hair @alo-ehas @hobistigma @notrosemary @sunysunoo @whoe-dis @jayparkfromenhypen @k1ttyl1x @mikaa7 @ivswonie @ghjasksdk @enhyseob @jungw8ns @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @jooreneeee @april1538 @creamkwan @tlnyjoong @yenart @shotasgf @uhhalexwashere @ilyaera @lyra8 @wonietree @shawkneecaps @raindropsandroses1107 @curryramyeon @rikibae @jaemsluvr @jakesahi @papiibuprofen @milkycloudtyg [ closed ] ────────── [ 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃. | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁. | 𝗺.𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ] ───

math is eating me alive rn sos i have calculus next semester and im not prepared lolz!! anyways luvbot update hopefully coming out within the next few days,,, im not dead i promise</3

## hiatus note !

hi baes! school recently started up for me, which unfortunately means that i will be uploading less frequently. however, i won’t be dropping any series or works— you’ll just be receiving updates at a much slower pace :((

additionally, reqs are now closed! to those who have already requested, i am still planning on working on your reqs!! they will just take awhile to be uploaded since i’m prioritizing the completion of luvbot! anyways, ily all!! thank you so much for your support<3 forever grateful for each and every one of you😔❤️