*LOUD THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*

You don't even need to study for the Rorschach test, btw, it's super easy. All they do is show you a bunch of stupid pictures of your dad getting eaten by a horse

Do not share the answers with your classmates.

Yes Dr Rorschach

Sorry Dr Rorschach

And her sister Phthalo Blue, another slam dunk for copper!

Don't forget about her distant cousin, Tyrian Purple

I named my whole business after Phthalo's twin, Prussian Blue!

Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

Hooters is just an extremely American take on a maid cafe if you think about it

your not wrong but you shouldnt say it

This is incorrect. Hooters was founded in 1983, and the first permanent maid cafe, Cure Maid Cafe, was established in 2001. Maid cafe’s are an extremely Japanese take on Hooters.

where is all the art that perfectly appeals specifically to my exact tastes and desires and nobody elses

The art of seduction

English added by me :)

Ok so in this fandom we always have Danny hating Bruce because he’s rich, but I don’t think he would.

A billionaire that doesn’t want to kill his father and marry his mother? Sign him up!

He would stick the Bruce like glue as soon as they meet just to spite Vlad.

He would walk up to Bruce and be like: “You’re my uncle now!”

And Bruce being the troll he is would go along with it. These two are family now. So what if we just met this is my nephew.

The others would go along with it too. This is their cousin what are you talking about? We’ve known each other since birth!

Bruce was genuinely startled when a young man came up from behind him and threaded an arm around his own, linking them together. His situational awareness was second only to Cass, people did not sneak up on him. He glanced to see a young man he did not know, with dark hair and pale skin.

"We've known each other for years, you are practically my uncle." The boy whispered before pulling Bruce around. The young man was much stronger than his thin limbs appeared, forcing Bruce to turn on his heel.

Bruce opened his mouth to speak, probably to ask who exactly his new 'nephew' was, but was interrupted by an unfortunately familiar older voice.

"Daniel, you really must stop acting like a child. You cannot run from this conversation." said Vlad Masters.

Bruce really very much did not like Vlad Masters. He was slimy, cutthroat, and as his kid's would say had 'bad vibes'.

"I wasn't running." Daniel, apparently, lied. "I just spotted my Uncle B and wanted to say hi. Not everything is about you."

"You don't have an uncle."

Bruce turned his smile up to megawatt levels. He knew all he needed to know.

"Of course he does!" Bruce practically shouted. "Vladdie! I didn't realize you knew Danny too! What a small world. Isn't he just great?"

Vlad finally noticed him, shock coming ocer his features when he saw Bruce Wayne, then worsening when he saw their linked arms. A spike of petty glee infused his heart at the way Vlad looked confused and outraged. Bruce turned his head and waved down Tim from.acrosd the room.

"Tim! Look, it's your cousin Danny. He's in town for the charity gala!"

Tim, bless his heart, didn't even bother to look confused. Instead he rushed over to them and pulled Danny into a hug that Danny easily returned.

"Oh my gosh! Danny, it's been forever. How have you been?"

"Tim! It's been awesome. I got your birthday gift last week, the telescope is awesome. I havent had time to try it out, you have to get out into the country for the best views."

"I'm glad you like it!" Tim said, putting so much genuine emotion into his voice that anyone would think Tim had spent hours agonizing over the right gift.

"I got you a telescope." Vlad said, mouth still open in dumbfounded shock.

"Tim got me one that is so much cooler." Danny said. "He and Uncle B have the best taste for this stuff."

"Don't feel too bad Vladdie." Bruce consoled, keeping his tone as serene as possible. "We've known Danny since he was a baby, of course we know what he likes best."

"How would you have even met him?" Vlad hissed at Danny.

Danny rolled his eyes.

"My parents are inventors. They met at a conference in gotham, back before our whole family settled in Amity. I dont even remember meeting Uncle B the first time. I was a baby."

"A very cute baby." Bruce added on, ruffling his hair in the way all teenagers hated.

"Uncle B! Stop messing with my hair." Danny whined, as if they had done this same thing a thousand times and reached up to smooth his hair again.

"Oh, don't worry, you still look great, Danny!"

"You know how B is." Tim reminded him.

Vlad looked apocalpetic with rage. Bruce had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep in his shit-eating grin.

"You would think Jack would have mentioned you to me Mr. Wayne."

"Oh you know how inventors are!" Bruce waved it off. "Jack would forget his head if it weren't attached. I haven't been able to visit in ages."

"Hmm. Quite."

"Yeah Vlad. I cant believe Dad didnt tell you that Uncle B offered me an internship this summer."

"You dont-"

"Wayne Enterprises has that aerospace department."

"Danny really is so gifted." Bruce demured. "Vladdie dont tell me you're trying to steal my nephew away?"

Vlad opened his mouth, whether to scream or bite Bruce's face off it wasn't clear.

"Was there something you needed, Mr. Masters?" Tim asked. "Since Danny is here i know the rest of the family would live to see him."

"No. No." Vlad said through gritted teeth. "I can chat with Daniel later."

The moment Vlad left, Danny relaxed and stepped a bit away from the two of them.

"Thanks. Vlad is just really-."

Bruce smiled at Danny, letting his mirth really show.

"No thanks needed Danny! We're family after all!"

Danny narrowed his eyes at him for a moment before grinning right back.

"Yeah. Family."

vader: who tore the warning sign off of this wampa cage?? storm trooper: security footage shows it was removed by a golden protocol droid vader: LOL

Vader in RotJ: wait the Alderaan princess is my daughter?? don’t know how to feel about that.

Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.

Vader: OH HELL YEAH

why would you hide this in the tags that’s hilarious

In honor of General Conference coming up this weekend, as well as a recent uptick in new folks pokin’ around the tumblrstake tag to see what we’re about, may I humbly present my favorite Mormon joke of all time:

A doctor of psychology and long-time atheist decides he has a foolproof way to prove which church is true. So he calls in a Catholic priest, a Protestant pastor, and a Mormon bishop. He tells ‘em “I’ve got a psycho killer in here. Whichever of you can baptize him, I’ll join and endorse your church.”

The priest, while understandably shook, thinks he has this in the bag. All he has to do is run in, sprinkle the guy with water, and then book it. So he braces himself, douses his hands, and goes for it. No dice—the psycho killer is freakishly fast and pounces on him, snapping his neck.

The pastor’s got a harder job: he has to physically get the guy underwater. But lucky for him, he was a linebacker all through college, so he’s got a plan to play to his strengths. He’s gonna tackle the guy into the water, and then he wins. That part works fine, but then the psycho killer holds him down and drowns him.

The bishop’s been really quiet, thinking about how he’s gonna get out of this mess. After thinking real hard for a few minutes, he tells the professor he’s ready to go in.

The killer comes at him.

He pulls out a Glock.

Unloads four rounds into his chest and kills him instantly.

On his way out, he tells the professor, “Call me back in a year, and we’ll book some baptisms for the dead.”

house is a girl you have to take care of her

the house. a house. your house. building. residence. abode. not that faggot from the tv show

evergreen

People who get sick from radiation exposure are faking it for attention, radiation is literally the divine light of creation and it nourishes those who are pure of spirit

Read a fanfic where Tim Drake thinks Bruce ignored his birthday, then on some random day was like, "Happy Birthday, Tim!" And Tim was like, "It's not my birthday...?" And Bruce was like, "Uh, according to your birth certificate it is, though?"

And the birth certificate shows a date with a different month and day than Tim thought was his birthday, and he realized his parents just FORGOT when his birthday was and essentially picked either a random day or a day more convenient for their schedules or a day they could remember better-

Tim, this whole time, had a completely different birthday than what he'd been celebrating his whole life, and he is so MAD. Like no shit his life doesn't make any goddamm sense he's been a fucking Pisces this whole time