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Epic Buddie Fic Recs

@epicbuddieficrecs

Hi, my name's Bee and I make (epic) fic recs!
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Epic Buddie Fic Rec | March 25th-30th 2025

9-1-1 hates me, they decided to go on hiatus the week of my birthday AND because of that, the season finale falls while I'm gonna be on a trip overseas ๐Ÿ˜ญ yes that's very first world problems of me, I'm aware.

I don't always remember to mention it, but if you know someone who's not tagged despite my best efforts, please tag them in the comments!

Complete

Odd Socks by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, Pre-Buddie | 1K | Teen):

"No, no, nothing like that, you left me the property manager's number anyway, remember? The house is fine." Buck pauses, then says, "I miss you," and Eddie thinks for a second that it's a non-sequitur before he realizes that it's an explanation. Or: after Buck unpacks, he finally gets around to calling Eddie.

your hands, my hips by farfromthstars/ @doeeyeseddie (Post-S8E12: Disconnected, PWP | 1,6K | Explicit):

Eddie draws in a sharp breath and, all of a sudden, realizes that heโ€™s hard, or getting there at least. He glances at his phone screen again, at Buckโ€™s peaceful face, still fast asleep, and hits the red button in a panicked daze. He mustโ€™ve gotten his wires crossed somehow, maybe he dreamt something or heโ€™s justโ€“ pent up, or whatever, and then the thought of Buckโ€™s chest, and his thighsโ€“ He mustโ€™ve gotten his wires crossed somehow, maybe he dreamt something or heโ€™s justโ€“ pent up, or whatever, and then the thought of Buckโ€™s chest, and his thighsโ€“ ~ eddie wakes up with buck still on facetime. he's not normal about it.

Drastic Measures by paleredheadinascifi (Getting Together, Crack | 1,6K | Teen):

Eddie was once proud to say that heโ€™d never, in his life, posted a thirst trap. Alas. @eddiaz followed @firehose @eddiaz posted a new photo @eddiaz liked 3 of @firehoseโ€™s photos Or, Eddie tries to thirst trap his best friend. Easy, right?

champagne kisses by spaceprincessem/ @spaceprincessem (Love Confessions, Eddie back from Texas | 1,8K | General):

Buck swallows. He needs to be brave. He needs to shut the fuck up. He needs to speak his truth. He needs Eddie to know. โ€œEddie,โ€ his voice is hoarse, โ€œIโ€”I need to tell you something.โ€ [or eddie comes home and buck stays]

thought the plane was going down (howโ€™d you turn it right around) by Iover_of_mine (I_almost_do)/ @lover-of-mine (Future fic, Eddie back from Texas, Getting together | 1,9K | General):

There are a lot of issues with being forced to confront the idea that you might be in love with your best friend. Eddie is Buck's favorite person, and he never wanted to look at what that meant all too closely because, well, he can't hate the fact that he can't have something if he convinces himself he doesn't want it. But it's not like he could stop himself from letting the feeling register with Eddie standing in front of him. When Eddie is in his reach, and somehow even more beautiful than in his memories. or Eddie is back. Buck is in love with him. He's being very normal about it.

golden california sunlight by brewrosemilk/ @gayhoediaz (Future fic, Eddie back from Texas, PWP | 2K | Mature):

"Does that change anything? For you?" he asks. "That I'm not straight? That I want you?" he adds, unsure of whether their faces grow closer because he's swaying that way, or because of the light pressure of Buck's forearm at the back of his neck, steering him. "That I've always wanted you? That I'm finally ready?" Buck's pupils grow larger, lips parting - so Eddie continues. Just for the hell of it. "That I'm ready to kiss you until I can't breathe? That I'm ready to go to bed and wake up with you? That I'm ready to call you my partner? For real? The way I think we've always kind of meant it?" Eddie leans even closer, savoring the warm exhale washing over his own parted lips before he dodges Buck's, craning his neck until he's lowering his voice against the shell of his ear instead. "That I'm ready to know how much bigger your beautiful cock gets when you're all hard and leaking for me?"

sickness and health by Tizniz/ @tizniz (Sick Fic | 2K | General):

And itโ€™s as Buck passes over an opened bottle of water, worry tugging down the corner of his lips, that Eddie puts the pieces together. โ€œYouโ€™ve been taking care of me.โ€ He rasps, words causing his throat to flare with pain.

take me out to the ball game by shortndiaz (PWP, Getting Together | 2K | Explicit):

The LAFD vs LAPD annual baseball game is here and Eddie gets some thanks from Buck for teaching him how to play.

homesick for places i've never been before by andtimestoodstill/ @andtimestoodstill (S8E12: Disconnected Coda, Pre-Buddie | 2,8K | Teen):

So there he was, doomscrolling through Reels of adorable dogs in need of a good home that Buck could very well provide if there wasn't something so fundamentally unlovable about him, when Eddie's contact picture appeared on his screen requesting a FaceTime call. Eddie usually checked in before calling, though that was a formality more than anything. Buck was always going to drop everything and answer Eddie's calls, but he did take a moment to turn off the TV and un-slump himself from the couch cushions before doing so. Ever since Eddie had left, Buck felt like he was walking around without his left hand, not completely helpless but certainly at a disadvantage. But even just the two-dimensional rendering of Eddie on his phone screen settled something in Buck, almost like he was whole again. Almost. (Or, Eddie calls, Buck answers)

sweat baby sweat by 42hrb/ @exhuastedpigeon (Post-S8E12: Disconnected, PWP, Phone Sex | 3K | Explicit):

Almost like heโ€™s been summoned, Eddieโ€™s phone lights up, a picture of Buck holding a halligan like a weapon filling the screen. Oh fuck. He canโ€™t answer a FaceTime from Buck right now, can he? He almost ignores it, but then he thinks about a monthโ€™s worth of FaceTime calls and years of calls and shifts and hangouts before that and he groans, this time a mix of pleasure and frustration and he strokes himself again before he stops moving his hand and answers the call with the other one. โ€œRemember that time when we went to the Dodgers game and we couldnโ€™t find my Jeep after we left?โ€ Buck says instead of hello when Eddie answers. โ€œIt took us like an hour to figure out weย  were on the wrong side of the stadium and โ€” woah Eddie, youโ€™re all red. It must be really fucking hot there, huh?โ€ OR Buck FaceTimes Eddie while Eddie's jerking off. Eddie answers.

may the sunrise bring hope [where it once was forgotten]. by dylaesthetics (Future Fic, Eddie back from Texas | 3K | Teen):

Eddie had always secretly desired things he couldn't have. He desired parents who would cherish him, the same way he was supposed to cherish his or else be uninvited from Heaven. He desired steak on Sundays and he desired to win a baseball trophy in his name. Turns out, Eddie also desired to kiss a boy. Just once. Just once wouldn't count. Right? _______ OR Eddie has always claimed that he shared his first kiss with Shannon. Only it wasn't the case.

Keeping It Quiet by bellabrady (Getting Together, Humor | 3K | General):

He canโ€™t handle standing next to Eddie for however long it takes to clean the engine, he just canโ€™t. Heโ€™s going to lose it. And heโ€™s going to lose Eddie, too, because heโ€™ll inevitably either kiss him or confess his undying love. He canโ€™t even guarantee he wonโ€™t just drop down on one knee and propose. โ€œOh, yeah, Iโ€™ll be right there, Bobby!โ€ Buck yells before dropping his rag into the bucket and taking off towards the loft, leaving Eddie standing there dumbfounded. โ€œBuck, no one was calling for you!โ€ he shouts, exasperated. Buck ignores him and bounds up the stairs. โ€” Or: Buck realizes he's in love with Eddie shortly before a 24 hour shift. Out of fear of accidentally confessing his love, Buck tries to avoid him at all costs. If only Eddie wasn't so derermined to talk to him.

rock, paper, scissors by paleredheadinascifi (First Date | 3K | Teen):

โ€œRock, paper, scissors, shoot! HA!โ€ Buck grins, covering Eddieโ€™s rock with his paper. โ€œMy pick for mains.โ€ Or, Buck plans a first date. Eddie gets wooed across LA. These things might be connected.

bye buck, love you! by shortndiaz (S8B, Eddie in Texas, Love Confessions | 3K | Mature):

Eddie โ€œaccidentallyโ€ tells Buck โ€˜Love you!โ€™ at the end of a facetime call and then justโ€ฆ keeps saying it.

Proprietary Actions by xylodemon/ @xylodemon (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God Coda, PWP, Getting Together | 3K | Explicit):

Finding out that Buck hooked up with Tommy the other night has filled Eddie with some kind of sick, possessive heat. It's thorny, jagged, edged like a knife, and it's been controlling most of his thoughts and actions for the last day and a half.

dialed in by rizcriz (Eddie in Texas, Love Confessions, Humor, Chimney POV | 4K | Teen):

โ€œHow long have you known?โ€ Maddie reaches for the phone, and Chimney waves her off, shaking his head. โ€œDepends. What exactly is it that I know?โ€ Another pause, followed by a sigh that just about says everything on its own. โ€œI think Iโ€™m in love with Buck.โ€ Instinctively, he reaches out for Maddie, nodding, as he pulls the phone away and mouths "itโ€™s happening" at her. He opens his eyes wide, which he hopes translates to about a million exclamation points tacked onto the silent statement.

if i could say what i want to say by rizcriz (Post-Canon, Eddie bakck from Texas, Getting Together | 4K | Teen):

โ€œOh no,โ€ Chim says, before Eddieโ€™s even landed on Maddie, โ€œWeโ€™re all happily married. You want someone to kiss you, you find some single lips.โ€ Buck nods in agreement, lifting his beer again. Heโ€™s barely brought it to his lips when he realizes the entire table is staring at him expectantly. He blinks. โ€œWhyโ€™s everyone looking at me?โ€ โ€œYouโ€™re single,โ€ Athena says. -- or, Buck and Eddie are Buck and Eddie.

home (is where the heart is) by rizcriz (Brief Buck/OMC, Love Confessions, Jealous Eddie | 4K | Teen):

The second the words leave his mouth, Eddie wishes he could claw them back in. Reach out into the space between themโ€”that chasm of distance thatโ€™s been building over the last several weeks. Theyโ€™re twenty feet apart in literal terms, Buckโ€™s sitting at the table and Eddieโ€™s at the top of the stairs, clutching his hands in front of himself, but the entire world is separating them becauseโ€” Because. Fuck. -- Or Buck wants to start a family, but he already has one.

bring me to your altar (drop me to my knees) by justhockey (S8, Getting Together, PWP | 5K | Explicit):

Eddie takes a breath, and he pushes down on Buckโ€™s shoulders until heโ€™s sitting on the edge of the bed. Then Eddie drops to his knees between Buckโ€™s thighs, like heโ€™s ready to pray. Back in El Paso, Eddie got used to Sunday mornings in church. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into the rhythm of it, even though Eddie has been beating out of sync for his entire life. He still doesnโ€™t believe - not in god, or sin, or hell. He does believe in heaven, though. Thinks heโ€™s found it right here, in Buck. Because nothing - no god, or church, or prayer - has ever felt as holy as this.

too dumb to know by weewooforever (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, Diaz Siblongs, Getting Together | 5K | Teen):

Adriana gestures vaguely. โ€œStart with why you look like you just found out youโ€™re in The Truman Show.โ€ Eddie sighs. โ€œItโ€™s justโ€”Buck was telling me about how he ran into Tommy. And then, out of nowhere, he says Tommy thought he had a chance with him now because the โ€˜competitionโ€™ was gone.โ€ Both of his sisters blink at him. Adriana tilts her head. โ€œAnd by โ€˜competition,โ€™ he meantโ€ฆ?โ€ Eddie throws his hands up. โ€œMe!โ€ OR adriana and sophia help eddie figure his shit out.

chasing butterflies by rizcriz (Eddie in Texas, Eddie Coming Out | 5K | Teen):

How long have you been in love with her? Is sitting in the air as they laugh, turning to each other like theyโ€™ve done something, and dropping the subject entirely in favor of grilling Grant on his upcoming wedding. How long have you been in love with her? Is sitting in the air as he blindly grabs for his beer, dragging it to his mouth and downing whatโ€™s left in the bottle in one desperate gulp. How long have you been in love with her? Is rewording itself, reworking itself, translating itself until it fits; How long have you been in love with him? -- Or, Eddie's in El Paso and suddenly everything makes sense.

first, last, only by wenttoafortuneteller (Getting Together | 6K | Teen):

โ€œLook,โ€ Eddie says, voice steady in a way that sounds forced, โ€œif you donโ€™t feel the same wayโ€”โ€ โ€œWhoa, whoa, whoa,โ€ Buck interrupts, good hand in the air to say stop. โ€œI didnโ€™t say that. I just donโ€™t think itโ€™s the right time.โ€ Eddie lets out a slow, controlled breath. His jaw twitches. โ€œYou almost died. Again. Whenโ€™s the right time? At your funeral?โ€ Or: the one where Buck realizes his feelings and self-sabotages out of fear, but Eddie won't let him go that easily.

Smoke Detectors by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Michael & Bobby, Humor | 7K | Teen):

Michael and David come to visit Bobby and Athena's new house. Of course, their annoying new neighbors also need investigating, and who better for the job than proven duo Bobby and Michael?

take me out and take me home by stevesconverse (Hurt Buck, Sexuality Crisis, Getting Together | 7K | Teen):

The one where Evan Buckley has gotten hurt (โ€ฆagain) and struggles to accept any kind of help, but Eddie just takes over, so there's really nothing he can do about it. Or the one where Buck can't shave his own beard, leading to Eddie Diaz's full-on proper gay crisis.

There is Motion at Your Front Door by OrYouCouldHaveMine (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, PWP, Voyeurism | 8K | Explicit):

Eddie moves to El Paso, but in the frenzy of the move, he forgets to disable his Ring camera. When he starts getting alerts every time Buck brings someone home, he starts an increasingly unhinged process of cockblocking his best friend.

ain't no other man by ColorMeParanoid/ @color-me-paranoid (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, Eddie back from Texas, Getting Together | 8K | Explicit):

Buck scoffed, ripping his arm out of Eddieโ€™s hold. โ€œSeriously, Eddie? Youโ€™re really trying to sell me that โ€˜itโ€™s not you itโ€™s meโ€™ crap?โ€ When Eddie stayed silent for one moment too long, Buck turned around, more than ready to leave their shared bed and said, โ€œScrew the couch. Iโ€™m going to stay with Maddie for a while.โ€ โ€œI canโ€™t stop thinking about Tommy,โ€ Eddie blurted out and Buck was glad he was still sitting down because hearing that likely would have ended up with him falling right to the ground with the way he lost all feeling in his legs. And in general. All he could think through the sudden numbness taking over his body was- โ€œMy ex boyfriend Tommy?โ€ And here he thought things couldnโ€™t get any worse. Or more confusing. Or, the one in which Eddie and Chris return home and there's only one bed

i'm scared of being lonely (i'll let anybody hold me) by justhockey (Post-S8E11: Holy Mother of God, Getting Together | 9K | Teen):

Eddie is - heโ€™s straight, okay? And Buck is way past wanting things he canโ€™t haveโ€ฆway past begging for scraps of affection and attention and love. He refuses to ever be that person again, even for Eddie. So. So Eddie wasnโ€™t in love with Buck, and Buck wasnโ€™t - isnโ€™t, canโ€™t be - in love with Eddie, and all of this is just. Itโ€™s ridiculous. Impossible. Unbelievable. โ€œIโ€™m not in love with my best friend,โ€ Buck says, but the words feel strange in his mouth.

Lovers in the bathroom and a line outside the door by scarmaddiewrites (Post-S8E10: Voices, Eddie in Texas, Getting Together | 10K | Teen):

Eddie needs a job in Texas and Buck helps him find one.

Love Donโ€™t Cost A Thing by scarmaddiewrites (Buck goes to Texas, Getting Together | 10K | Teen):

"Buck?" "Hey Eddie." Eddie rubs his eyes and blinks a few times, just to make sure he isn't imagining anything. "What are you doing here?" "Chris called me," Buck says, pushing into the house past Eddie and sitting his bag on the floor." Or Buck accidently wins the lottery and ends up in Texas with Eddie and Chris

๐Ÿ”ฅwhat spring does with the cherry trees by andtimestoodstill/ @andtimestoodstill (Future Fic, Post-S8A, Getting Together | 12K | Mature):

Eddie loved his son. He loved his son so, so much. He would never stop fighting for his son. It didnโ€™t matter if his helicopter was getting shot down in a desert halfway across the world, or if he was nearly drowning while trapped under thirty feet of mud, or if he was crawling on hands and knees back to El Paso in contrition, he was going to do whatever it took to be with Christopher. But he had also just kissed Buck for the first time ninety minutes ago, and he was supposed to have 1,440 more minutes of kissing before they had to go back to the real world. Eddie had waited seven years for this, he wanted twenty-four hours of uninterrupted necking with the love of his life, god dammit. (Or, Buck and Eddie Get Cockblocked)

๐Ÿ”ฅthere it is again, sitting on my chest (makes it hard to catch my breath) by Elgney (Post-S8E10: Voices, Angst, Getting Together | 27K | Teen):

โ€œI justโ€”I donโ€™t want you to be alone,โ€ said Eddie, softly, like an admission. Join the fucking club, Buck thought. It was funny, but none of his laughs were coming out right tonight. โ€œI am alone, Eddie.โ€ โ€œBuck, Iโ€”โ€ โ€œShe wants my kidney.โ€ There it went; Buck never could keep anything inside. Could never keep the feelings contained, could never stop them from spilling out over the people nearest him. โ€œThatโ€™s what fucking happened, okay? My dad needs a kidney donor and they remembered why they bothered having me in the first place. Is that what you wanted to hear? That my parents finally found a use for me after all these years?โ€ ----- A request from his mom tears open old wounds for Buck. From 800 miles away, Eddie tries to stitch him back together.

๐Ÿ”ฅlet's make the same mistake twice by cloudydaisies (Post-S8, Future fic, Established Buddie | 28K | Teen):

โ€œEverything about being with Eddie feels right, and good, so so good, Maddie. Itโ€™s not timing or logistics, or evenโ€”I know heโ€™d say yes if I did ask to move in.โ€ โ€œBut you feel like you canโ€™t?โ€ Buck shakes his head. โ€œBecause Iโ€™m cursed.โ€ (or, buck needs a loophole. eddie needs to know buck needs a loophole.)

WIP

did I... not read any WIPs this week???? I'm shocked!

Tease Tidbit Tuesday ๐Ÿ’ซ

Tagged by @spotsandsocks ๐Ÿ˜˜

I am still unwell (physically...mentally...emotionally...it's a rough go right now) but I really really want to edit and post this story this week. Because it's been hanging around for a while, dammit. Anyways. Here you go.

He sits on the steps with his blanket, eats his pathetic dinner of canned beans. Mostly he plays with them. This depression of his own is impacting his appetite, and Buck knows that isnโ€™t good. He needs to stay strong. For him and for Eddie. Mostly for Eddie. โ€œGoodnight.โ€ Buck calls out when the chill is too much for him to remain out there. โ€œIโ€ฆโ€ The words lodge in his throat. He has to force them out. โ€œI love you, Eddie.โ€ Shoulders hanging low, Buck slumps back inside of the cabin and crawls into his bed, pulling the blankets tightly around himself. It doesnโ€™t take long to slip into a dreamless sleep.

โฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธโฒ๏ธ

So excited for this one โฃ๏ธ๐Ÿ˜

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24 for โฒ๏ธ:

---

The driver and Chim apparently. Guy is looking worse for wear.

Bobby offered to let him stay behind but he insisted.ย 

โ€œMaybe this will be so tiring Iโ€™ll be able to sleep,โ€ he says.ย 

Bobby is concerned.ย 

โ€œWhy didnโ€™t you sleep?โ€

Chim narrows his eyes and looks at Buck and Eddie.ย 

โ€œThem.โ€ย 

Buck and Eddie? What? No way they kept him awake. Bobby had been so clear! So explicit about the rules. What the hell did they do?

It sticks with Bobby through the duration of the call. Did they really break the rules the first night after he laid them out? Do they really have so little self control? Bobby thinks he was pretty fair. Heโ€™s doing what he can to prevent a transfer, which wouldnโ€™t be good for the team or their relationship. But to just ignore his instructions? Theyโ€™re both better than that.ย 

As theyโ€™re packing up the call, Bobby pulls them both aside.ย 

โ€œEverything okay, Cap?โ€ Eddie asks.

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Well as a substitute for the angel wingn emoji hereโ€™s some ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿ‘ผ

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Hehehe 15 for ๐Ÿชฝ:

---

Of course they were going to try.ย 

Eddie doesnโ€™t really remember much of how he got hurt. He remembers a sharp lurch of the boat, losing his footing, and landing in a few feet of water. Thatโ€™s all. That was in the middle of the night. Now, heโ€™s waking up the rocking feeling of a different boat, bright light behind his eyelids, and the smell of fresh sea air. His head is pounding.ย 

โ€œIโ€™m sorry, Iโ€™m sorry, Iโ€™m sorry,โ€ he hears a weirdly familiar voice saying repetitively. He canโ€™t quite put his finger on whose it is, but he knows he knows it. Like someone he spoke to a long time ago.

Eddie shifts and groans a little, eyes still shut.ย 

โ€œOh? Are you waking up? Thatโ€™s good! Thatโ€™s great!โ€ย 

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Anonymous asked:

Eddie immediately thinking his inner child is a demon (and being mean to him) is making me feel some time of way. Itโ€™s heartbreaking in the best way.

๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค

AH YAY! Sorry.

30 for ๐Ÿค:

---

Itโ€™s sort of a weird deja vu moment for Eddie. He eavesdrops in the hallway as Buck talks to the child in Christopherโ€™s room, just like he once did for Chris.ย 

โ€œSo, I noticed you were sort of scared of getting in trouble earlier,โ€ Buck says to the child. โ€œWhen the popcorn spilled.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ the child mumbles.

โ€œHey, itโ€™s okay if you were,โ€ Buck says. โ€œIโ€™m scared of people getting mad at me, too, sometimes. I just wondered if we could talk about it?โ€ย 

โ€œWhy?โ€ย 

โ€œWell, because it makes me kind of sad that youโ€™re scared,โ€ Buck admits.

And Eddie knows thatโ€™s true. Thatโ€™s not a tactic Buck is using to get the kid to trust him. He really would feel genuine sadness about that.ย 

โ€œSad?โ€ The kid asks.

โ€œYeah,โ€ Buck says. โ€œI donโ€™t want you to be scared. Eddie and Iโ€ฆ Weโ€™re not going to get you in trouble for an accident.โ€

Heโ€™s saying it like theyโ€™re co-parenting this kid. Hey, best friend of the better part of a decade, would you please help me raise myself? Could be forever. Will definitely be annoying.ย 

โ€œI donโ€™t want to get in trouble,โ€ the kid admits. โ€œMom and Dad always get me in trouble, so I try to be good.โ€

โ€œWell, you know thereโ€™s a difference between being bad and doing something accidentally right?โ€ Buck asks.ย 

The child doesnโ€™t reply. Eddieโ€™s chest feels tight.ย 

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Can you tell I'm excited for this one?

1k ๐ŸŽ please ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ๐Ÿ’œ

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I'm so glad!

1k for ๐ŸŽ:

---

Theyโ€™re up early to hit the road.ย 

Bobby watches as Christopher gets a little emotional, saying goodbye to Buck. Their relationship has always made Bobby strangely proud of Buck. It did from the moment Buck contacted Bobby, saying Eddie was strapped in terms of childcare, and needed to bring seven year-old Chris to the station for a few hours. It has ever since then. Bobby remembers probationary firefighter Buck, unsure how to step into Abbyโ€™s life and support her through tough times. Heโ€™s never had that struggle, when it came to Eddie and Chris.ย 

Now the whole thing makes Bobby even more emotional. A pride he isnโ€™t entitled to. There is something so inherently good and nurturing and kind in Buck. Bobby canโ€™t see how any of it would be inherited from him, butโ€ฆ Well, itโ€™s nice to think that even a sliver of it was.

โ€œYouโ€™ll just have to come visit, right?โ€ Buck says softly to Chris. โ€œThe zoo animals miss you, Iโ€™m pretty sure.โ€

Christopher laughs. โ€œOkay. We can, right, Dad?โ€

Eddie looks gobsmacked.

โ€œYes. Yes, we sure can.โ€

Bobby smiles. Maybe things are looking up there. Bobby hasnโ€™t, and wonโ€™t, lose hope that they just might get Eddie back one day.ย 

๐Ÿ

Buck drives first. Bobby offers, but he insists. He likes driving. He wants to be the one to do the most of it, if he can. Itโ€™s stabilizing. It makes him feel in control.

They stop for coffee and donuts. Eddie fed them breakfast, but they still stop. Itโ€™s a way to avoid really getting into another conversation, Buck supposes. Probably not the healthiest way to start a twelve hour drive. Avoidance.ย 

They donโ€™t really end up talking much at all until they cross into New Mexico. And even then, itโ€™s Bobby who starts it.ย 

โ€œThis is going to be a long twelve hours if we sit in uncomfortable silence,โ€ he cautions.

โ€œEleven and a half, now,โ€ Buck replies.ย 

Bobby sighs.ย 

โ€œSorry,โ€ Buck says. โ€œHonestly? I donโ€™t know what to say right now. Like, I donโ€™t know what to ask.โ€

โ€œMaybe we can start by talking about other things?โ€ Bobby suggests.ย 

Buck nods. โ€œI can do that. Like what?โ€

Bobby thinks. See? Itโ€™s hard. In theory, they already know everything thatโ€™s going on with each other, that isnโ€™t about this.ย 

โ€œIt was good catching up with Eddie,โ€ Bobby says.ย 

Buck nods quickly, though he feels his cheeks heating.

โ€œYeah, I, uhโ€ฆ Well, I donโ€™t need to tell you how much I miss him. Iโ€™m not good at hiding it.โ€

Bobby chuckles. โ€œWell, neither was I, I guess. Poor Ravi.โ€

โ€œBetween the two of us, we might have made him hate Eddie,โ€ Buck winces.ย 

โ€œOh, thatโ€™s a later problem,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œWhen heโ€™s back.โ€

Buck blinks. โ€œWhen, not if?โ€ย 

โ€œMhm,โ€ Bobby replies.

โ€œI like your confidence,โ€ Buck says.

Bobby shrugs. โ€œJust a feeling.โ€

โ€œDidnโ€™t pin you for a relentless optimist,โ€ Buck says. Heโ€™s fishing. He needs to know Bobbyโ€™s reasoning. He wants to believe it, too.ย 

Bobby chuckles. โ€œIโ€™m not. I just know the two of you.โ€

The two of them? As though Buck factors into that decision at all? It sounds like Tommy accusing Eddie of being his competition. It sounds like Maddie asking would it be so crazy? Buck needs to change the topic, fast.

โ€œWho is my biological mother?โ€ He blurts.ย 

Bobby coughs a little, stricken by the whiplash of the question. Whoops.

The truth is, Buck actually finds heโ€™s not too desperate to know. Now that he knows her decision, the context, he feels calm about it. She isnโ€™t a bad person, probably. She was just someone with a hard choice. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it make him less curious about her? Also, slightly yes. Doesnโ€™t sound like thereโ€™s much room for a person to be curious about. Maybe thatโ€™s unfair. Really, he just wanted to stop talking about Eddie.ย 

โ€œI guess that was bound to come up,โ€ Bobby says.ย 

Well, yeah?

โ€œUh,โ€ he continues. โ€œThe uncomfortable part is that you already sort of know of her.โ€

Buckโ€™s jaw drops a little. How is that possible? He doesnโ€™t know anyone from Bobbyโ€™s previous life. He said it was before he met his wife.ย 

โ€œYeah, how is that possible?โ€ Buck asks. Then it strikes him. Bobby said she was very talented. โ€œOh god, is she a celebrity?โ€ย 

Bobby chuckles. โ€œNo. Though, I suppose she could have been, in another life. She was on the Olympic track for figure skating.โ€ย 

Waitโ€ฆ

โ€œHeidi Schatsky?โ€ Buck asks.ย 

โ€œYep,โ€ Bobby answers.ย 

โ€œThe person I emailed asking for embarrassing figure skating photos of you from the 70s? That Heidi Schatsky?โ€

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t call the photos embarrassing.โ€

โ€œBobby, thatโ€™sโ€ฆโ€ Buck feels heated with embarrassment. โ€œThatโ€™s mortifying. I found my own mother by accident to make a cardboard cut out of you.โ€ย 

โ€œWell, imagine my horror when you did.โ€

Buck groans. He feels like heโ€™s messed something up without knowing there was something to mess up. He feels like an idiot. But then he remembers something.ย 

โ€œWait,โ€ he says. โ€œShe was really nice.โ€

Bobby nods. โ€œYes. Sheโ€™s a kind person.โ€

โ€œShe said to say hi, asked how you wereโ€ฆโ€ Buck continues. โ€œI didnโ€™t think anything of it at the time, but considering everythingโ€ฆโ€

Bobby seems to take a second to think about that.

โ€œIโ€™m sure sheโ€™s had a lot of time to reflect,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œLike I have.โ€

โ€œHmm,โ€ Buck muses. โ€œSorry. If you donโ€™t want to talk about her.โ€

โ€œI said you could ask anything,โ€ Bobby replies. โ€œI meant it.โ€

But obviously itโ€™s not his favorite topic. Which means, if he does have any questions, he should get them out of the way now.ย 

โ€œSo you met her figure skating?โ€ Buck asks. Heโ€™s not sure why he keeps asking. Again, heโ€™s not even really that pressed about her. He justโ€ฆ Maybe he just wants the narrative clear in his head.ย 

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๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ

!!!

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21 for ๐Ÿชฝ:

---

โ€œBuck?โ€ Eddie mumbles, confused.ย 

It is Buck. Evan Buckley. Who Eddie hasnโ€™t seen sinceโ€ฆ Since a support beam landed on him in December of 2018. This isnโ€™t possible. But he knows that face. He knows the birthmark. Those eyesโ€ฆ

Buckโ€™s eyebrows shoot up. โ€œYou can see me?โ€ย 

โ€œWhat the fuck?โ€ Eddie groans.ย 

How hard did he hit his head?

โ€œEddie?โ€ Someone elseโ€™s voice asks. Not Buck.ย 

Eddie turns to look. His neck hurts. Chimney is sitting on the ground beside him. Eddie seems to be on some sort of backboard-turned cot.

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Anonymous asked:

โฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธ

Pls and thank you

Np :)

30 for ๐Ÿ”ผ:

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โ€œOkay, calm down,โ€ Shannon warns. โ€œI donโ€™t know if I got it. It did go very well, and the hiring manager said he had a great feeling.โ€

โ€œSo you got it,โ€ Eddie grins.

โ€œWe donโ€™t know,โ€ Shannon cautions.

Buck whips a bottle of champagne out from behind his back.ย 

โ€œCONGRATS!โ€ He cheers.

โ€œI donโ€™t have an offer yet!โ€ She protests. โ€œYouโ€™re gonna jinx it!โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ Eddie frowns. โ€œShannon, not you, too.โ€

โ€œJinxes are real, Eddie,โ€ Buck hisses. โ€œShe makes a good point. We canโ€™t pop this bottle.โ€

Eddie shakes his head. โ€œNo way. Weโ€™re popping that bottle, because thatโ€™s how confident we are in you, Shannon.โ€

Shannon smiles. Damn. He has a way to speak directly into a personโ€™s soul when he wants to.ย 

โ€œOkay,โ€ she agrees. โ€œLetโ€™s prematurely celebrate.โ€

โ€œWoo!โ€ Buck cheers softly, waving the bottle a little.

โ€œWell, donโ€™t shake it,โ€ Shannon cautions.ย 

Buck stills. โ€œSorry.โ€

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Anonymous asked:

Youโ€™re on a writing roll lately!

๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ ๐Ÿชฝ because it sounds absolutely intriguing

THANKS!

45 for ๐Ÿชฝ:

---

โ€œHow concussed are you?โ€ Chim asks. โ€œIf you thought I was Buckโ€ฆ Maybe not the name to mention around Cap today.โ€

โ€œWhat happened?โ€

Still standing in front of him, Buck sighs.ย 

Whichโ€ฆ Soโ€ฆ Chim isnโ€™t seeing this. Heโ€™s not seeing Buck. But Eddie is still seeing Buck.

โ€œTook a spill on the Uno before we got the hell out of there,โ€ Chim says. โ€œWhacked your head.โ€

โ€œIโ€™m so sorry, Eddie,โ€ Buck says. โ€œItโ€™s my job to protect you and Iโ€ฆI didnโ€™t. Not this time. God, Iโ€™m so sorry youโ€™re hurt.โ€

โ€œWhat?โ€ Eddie asks Buck.ย 

โ€œYou fell,โ€ Chim answers instead. โ€œWeโ€™re on a coast guard ship home. Everyone else is okay.โ€

โ€œOh,โ€ Eddie breathes. โ€œSo, concussion?โ€

โ€œProbably,โ€ Chim confirms. โ€œWeโ€™ll get you to a hospital. Guess youโ€™re not bulletproof anymore, eh, Diaz?โ€

โ€œGuess not,โ€ Eddie mumbles.ย 

โ€œNo!โ€ Buck protests. โ€œYou are. It was a little slip up but I swear it wonโ€™t happen again.โ€

Okay. So Eddie hit his head so hard heโ€™s hallucinating their former coworker. Who, once again, was lost to a falling support beam. Definitely not in any condition to be here. Or even as a passenger on that cruise ship.

Eddie looks at Buck. Or the figment of his imagination that appears as Buck. Heโ€™s dressed in the pants and tee shirt of the LAFD uniform. Not what Eddie last saw him in - which would be turnouts - or the other probable thing, a hospital gown. Something seems to be protruding from his back, but Eddie canโ€™t quite tell what. Yeah, this is a weird fucking fever dream.ย 

โ€œI think I need that hospital, Chim,โ€ Eddie mumbles.

โ€œDonโ€™t worry, bud,โ€ Chim squeezes his shoulder comfortingly. โ€œWeโ€™ll take good care of you.โ€

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Anonymous asked:

๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿค๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ

63 for ๐Ÿค:

---

โ€œLittle Ed?โ€ Buck follows up. โ€œYou know thatโ€™s not the same thing, right? A mistake doesnโ€™t make you bad.โ€

โ€œAre you sure?โ€ The boy whispers.

Eddie can hardly hear it.ย 

โ€œIโ€™m so sure,โ€ Buck says. โ€œYour, um, your heart and your intentions make you a good person. And those are really good in you.โ€

โ€œI donโ€™t know,โ€ the child whispers.

โ€œNo, no, trust me. Itโ€™s true!โ€ย 

Thatโ€™s not what heโ€™s doubting, Eddie knows. The child isnโ€™t doubting Buckโ€™s logic about what makes a good person. Heโ€™s doubting that he falls into that criteria.ย 

โ€œI wouldnโ€™t lie to you,โ€ Buck adds. โ€œYou know that, right?โ€

โ€œYeah,โ€ the child says.ย 

โ€œIs there anything else youโ€™re afraid of that we could talk about?โ€ Buck asks.

โ€œI donโ€™t know.โ€

โ€œOkay, fair,โ€ Buck replies. โ€œHow about this? Uh, if youโ€™re scared or worried, or you need to talk about anything at all, you tell me. Sound good?โ€

Yes. It always has.ย 

โ€œYeah,โ€ the child replies.ย 

And while this is all well and good, Eddie canโ€™t help but feel like theyโ€™re not any closer to things being resolved.ย 

โ–ช๏ธโ–ช๏ธโ–ช๏ธ

The rest of the evening does go better. Although, compared to last night and this morning, thatโ€™s not saying too much.

Eddie orders pizza at the kidโ€™s delight.ย 

โ€œMom would hate this,โ€ he whispers conspiratorially.

โ€œShe sure would,โ€ Eddie canโ€™t help but agree. Eddie can remember a few times in high school when he had ordered pizza for him and his sisters, and it turned into a lecture on sodium intake and how Adriana needed to watch her weight, because she hadnโ€™t inherited their motherโ€™s natural figure.ย 

โ€œYou werenโ€™t allowed to have pizza?โ€ Buck asks, mouth already half-stuffed.ย 

โ€œIt was highly discouraged,โ€ Eddie answers.ย 

โ€œBummer,โ€ Buck frowns. โ€œMy mom did not care what I ate at all. You have no idea how many Pizza Pockets I consumed the year Maddie moved to Boston.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s not a good thing,โ€ Eddie points out.

โ€œNo,โ€ Buck frowns. โ€œGuess not.โ€

โ€œWell, I like pizza,โ€ the child exclaims.ย 

โ€œHere, here,โ€ Buck agrees, raising his can of soda. Another thing Helena would hate.

โ–ช๏ธโ–ช๏ธโ–ช๏ธ

They donโ€™t have any clothing that fits the kid. So he canโ€™t exactly change into comfortable pajamas for sleeping. Eddie feels sort of bad about that. But why would he have clothes that his son outgrew years ago? He donated or chucked them. All his friends had girls in the time since he moved to LA, so he didnโ€™t keep anything for hand-me-downs.ย 

The kid canโ€™t sleep in those clothes for another day, though.ย 

โ€œWe can buy him some new stuff tomorrow?โ€ Buck suggests. โ€œAn outfit or two to get by?โ€

Eddie thinks of his already strained bank account and sighs.

โ€œYeah,โ€ he replies. โ€œThereโ€™s a thrift store not too far from here.โ€

---

90 for ๐Ÿชฝ:

---

โ€œYou got it,โ€ Chim replies.

Chim leaves the little tented off area, and Buck turns to watch him go. The act of doing so, reveals what Eddie thought he saw the hallucination carrying on his back. Heโ€™s not carrying anything. Itโ€™s wings. There are wings coming out of his back. Furled up, but large. Light - whites and grays in the feathering. Like an angel.ย 

Buck isโ€ฆ An angel.ย 

Thatโ€™s notโ€ฆ

But he isnโ€™tโ€ฆ

No way.ย 

Weakly, Eddie lifts a hand to cross himself. An old, habitual gesture, rarely employed these days.ย 

โ€œHow are you real?โ€ He whispers.

Buck whips back around to look at him. His eyes are wide with concern.

โ€œYouโ€™ve never been able to see me before,โ€ Buck says. โ€œWhy can you see me now?โ€

โ€œWhat are you?โ€ Eddie asks.

โ€œOh, honestly,โ€ Buck looks himself over. โ€œI donโ€™t know, man. Iโ€™m just kind of stuck with you. I think Iโ€™m your guardian angel.โ€

โ€œMyโ€ฆ My what?โ€ Eddie asks.

โ€œYou knowโ€ฆ Youโ€™re about to get shot, I push you out of the way. That sort of thing.โ€

Waitโ€ฆ All the injuries Eddie has miraculously avoided. They all happened after Buckโ€™s accident. They were all so unlikely. So lucky.ย 

โ€œThis isnโ€™t a hallucination?โ€ Eddie asks.ย 

โ€œNope,โ€ Buck says. โ€œBut no one else can see me, and Chim is coming back. So letโ€™s maybe keep it hush hush for now.โ€

Right, because if he starts spouting off about Buck the guardian angel, his friends who also lost Buck, and who knew Buck longer, wonโ€™t take that well.

โ€œOkay,โ€ Eddie whispers.ย 

He realizes that itโ€™s going to be quite a long time before Eddie is properly alone again. Heโ€™s not going to get any more answers for hours.ย 

๐Ÿชฝ

Marisol meets them at the hospital.ย 

She looks frantic. Worried. Like she got the call that Eddie died.ย 

โ€œAre you okay?โ€ She asks, grabbing his hands. โ€œThey said you hit your head on a turned over cruise ship!โ€

Hen called her then. Considerate, but unnecessary.

โ€œIโ€™m okay,โ€ Eddie insists. โ€œJust a concussion. Not even a bad one, I donโ€™t think.โ€

Not that thereโ€™s a good one.

Marisol kisses him. It catches him off guard. Heโ€™s not really in a kissing mood, all things considered.

โ€œI was just so worried about you,โ€ she says, holding his cheeks in her hands.

Eddie wishes she wouldnโ€™t. Buck is standing right there.ย 

Heโ€™s turned around. Back facing Eddie and Marisol. Itโ€™s as though heโ€™s trying to give them privacy. Heโ€™s not really succeeding, though. Heโ€™d said heโ€™s stuck with Eddie, though. So maybe he genuinely canโ€™t.ย 

Oh, god. Does he watch Eddie shower? Or is his head tucked in the corner of the bathroom wall, ignoring him?

โ€œIโ€™m really okay, Marisol,โ€ Eddie says.

โ€œDo you need anything?โ€ She asks. โ€œWhat can I do?โ€

He needs her not to be here right now. He needs to be alone. Or, alone with his guardian fucking angel.ย 

Soโ€ฆ

โ€œFood?โ€ He asks. โ€œIโ€™m starving.โ€

โ€œOh my god, of course,โ€ Marisol says. โ€œWhat do you want?โ€

โ€œLiterally anything from the cafeteria,โ€ he says. โ€œIโ€™m not picky.โ€

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Anonymous asked:

captain dad bobby is such a favorite of mine, so i am sat for "for all the love you've left behind." dying to know how au it is re: the dead daniel savior baby buck of it all if he's a nash.

the buck apple not falling far from the bobby tree is very sweet if that led to your emoji choice, but you have fear-conditioned me so i'm also lowkey looking out for a cal standard dark twist. like post paternity reveal abandonment angst resolved by an apple allergy/apple core lodged in the throat emergency tracheotomy 2.0 nde that leads to tearful father son reconciliation? idk maybe they just immediately love each other and eat apple pie about it, but fwiw i think you would kill a #deathbyapple scene.

starving Dickensian orphan over here. please, sir, may i have some more apple emojis?

ta, aa anon.

I LOVE THIS ASK. Haha it has me giggling. Don't worry. No death by apple. Other kinds? No promises.

1k for ๐ŸŽ:

---

โ€œYeah,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œAnd she stuck with it long after I stopped. She was, uhโ€ฆ I mean, very dedicated. It would probably take a plague or natural disaster to get her to take a day off.โ€

Buck smiles at that.ย 

โ€œSo the job she took?โ€ Buck asks. โ€œFigure skatingโ€ฆ Did I ruin her chances at the Olympics?โ€

He shakes his head. โ€œNo. Coaching - a big deal still. She injured her knee quite badly at twenty. Nothing to do with you.โ€

Buck exhales, relieved. He was already adopted under tragic circumstances. He really doesnโ€™t want to be the source of more ruination.ย 

โ€œThatโ€™s too bad,โ€ Buck says.ย 

โ€œWell, I doubt youโ€™d be here if she went to the Calgary Olympics, so not all bad.โ€

Buck smiles a little. He can tell Bobby means that, even if somewhere out there, Heidi Schatsky may not share his sentiments.

โ€œWait a second,โ€ Buck says, realization hitting him.

โ€œWhat is it?โ€ Bobby asks.ย 

โ€œWhy the hell canโ€™t I skate?โ€

Bobby laughs. โ€œOne of lifeโ€™s great mysteries, I guess.โ€

๐ŸŽ

They switch drivers not far from Tuscon.ย 

Theyโ€™ve been driving for a little under five hours. Buck has faded in and out of serious conversation. Sometimes theyโ€™re talking about heavy stuff, sometimes Buck is asking him for cooking advice. Itโ€™s hard to predict whatโ€™s going to come when.ย 

After they start driving again, the mood gets heavy once more.ย 

โ€œYou said you looked for me,โ€ Buck says out of nowhere, once theyโ€™re leaving the main stretch of urban area.ย 

โ€œI did,โ€ Bobby confirms. He made himself crazy over it, for a few years there.

โ€œDid you ever think about taking that DNA test?โ€ Buck asks. โ€œI mean, if Charlie hadnโ€™t, or-or if Iโ€™d been assigned to any other stationโ€ฆโ€

Bobby shakes his head. โ€œNo. I never considered it.โ€

โ€œWhy?โ€ Buck presses. โ€œWhy, if you wanted to find me?โ€

โ€œBecause by the time that technology became accessible, I was no longer trying,โ€ Bobby admits.

He wondered if this might come up. Either because of the DNA test or because Bobby failed to look into things when he found out Buck was adopted. Regardless, he knew Buck would realize. Bobby started looking. He looked for a long time. But he did give up.

โ€œOh,โ€ Buck replies. โ€œGot it.โ€

No. No, he probably doesnโ€™t.

โ€œIโ€™d exhausted my resources really,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œI didnโ€™t have any leads. I kept tabs on stories of missed connections or people searching for birth family. For years, I was very vigilant about that.โ€

โ€œOkay,โ€ Buck says. โ€œSo youโ€ฆ I mean, you gave up.โ€

โ€œYes, butโ€ฆ Not becauseโ€ฆ Not for the reasons youโ€™re thinking.โ€

โ€œOkay, then why?โ€

โ€œIn 2009, I injured my back on the job,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œYou know that.โ€

Buck nods.ย 

โ€œI wasnโ€™t myself after that for a long time,โ€ Bobby explains. โ€œAddiction, rehab, hiding my behavior. It wasโ€ฆ Buck, everything I hated about myself came up full force, and part of that was not having you, andโ€ฆ And so I didnโ€™t look. And then after the apartment fire, my kidsโ€ฆ My other kidsโ€ฆโ€

โ€œRight,โ€ Buck says. โ€œYou were grieving.โ€

Heโ€™ll always be grieving. Thatโ€™s not the point.

โ€œThey died, Buck. Because of something I did. I just figuredโ€ฆ I shouldnโ€™t ever look again. Whoever you were, you were better off without me.โ€

Buck is quiet for a minute after that. Heโ€™s processing what Bobby has said. He doesnโ€™t look angry. He doesnโ€™t look argumentative. But he also doesnโ€™t look accepting of it.ย 

โ€œWell,โ€ Buck says after a moment. โ€œThat isnโ€™t true. The last part of it.โ€

โ€œBuckโ€ฆโ€

โ€œNo, I mean it,โ€ Buck says. โ€œMy life wasnโ€™t better without you, Bobby. You know that. I donโ€™tโ€ฆ I understand what youโ€™re saying, but you gotta know, itโ€™s not entirely true.โ€

Bobby takes a deep breath. He sees what Buck is trying to say. That Buckโ€™s life has improved markedly since joining the 118. And, yes, some of that Bobby can take credit for. Not all of it, but some. Making sure Buck ate more than poptarts and protein bars? Thatโ€™s Bobby. But that was 2017. That was three years after the fire. A lot had changed, and even then, Bobby still wasnโ€™t really well.ย 

โ€œIf Iโ€™d found you as a child, Buckโ€ฆ If Iโ€™d by some miracle gotten you back? You might be dead.โ€

Buck chews on that for a second, too.

โ€œI almost died as a kid, too,โ€ he says. โ€œLoads of times. Doing stupid shit.โ€

โ€œThat doesnโ€™t make me feel any better,โ€ Bobby says.ย 

โ€œWell,โ€ Buck shrugs. โ€œThatโ€™s the truth.โ€

He sounds sort of petulant.

โ€œAre you angry with me?โ€ Bobby asks. โ€œFor not looking longer?โ€

He wonโ€™t blame him if he is. He just needs to understand what it is he has to make amends for.ย 

Eventually, Buck sighs.

โ€œNo,โ€ he says. โ€œThis all just sucks. Iโ€ฆ I mean, I had Maddie. I love Maddie. But thereโ€™s no world where youโ€™re a worse parent than mine were. Believe me.โ€

Bobby supposes neither of them really know. He doesnโ€™t know how bad it was living with the Buckleys. Buck doesnโ€™t know just how badly he failed his kids. Other kids. And isnโ€™t that just another way heโ€™s also failed Buck? He should have two more siblings to know. Twenty-two and nearly twenty. Buck should know them. They should know Buck. Bobby destroyed that chance.

ย ๐Ÿ

Buck thinks he shouldnโ€™t have asked about the searching thing. He shouldnโ€™t have argued about anything. He should have just left it alone. Bobby is clearly sad after that conversation ends.

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๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ?

(loving this one!!!)

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Thank you!

45 for ๐ŸŽ:

---

No one says much of anything again until near Phoenix. An empty, uncomfortable hour of silence. Buck spends it regretting his word choices.ย 

Then, eventually, Bobby sighs.

โ€œIโ€™m sorry,โ€ he says.

โ€œFor what?โ€ Buck asks. โ€œI was tooโ€ฆ I mean, I was pushy. Typical me.โ€

โ€œNo,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œThatโ€™s not true.โ€

Buck gives him a skeptical look.ย 

โ€œYou donโ€™t have to pretend Iโ€™m not the things I obviously am just because youโ€™re myโ€ฆ I mean, because weโ€™re related.โ€

Bobby exhales.ย 

โ€œIโ€™m not pretending,โ€ he says. โ€œYou can be pushy. Thatโ€™s not what happened there, though.โ€

โ€œBut youโ€™re upset,โ€ Buck says.

โ€œNot with you.โ€

โ€œThen?โ€ Buck presses. See? Pushy.ย 

โ€œIโ€™m ashamed, Buck,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œI feel so much shame about all of this.โ€

Buck goes rigid.ย 

โ€œNot about you,โ€ Bobby adds quickly. โ€œNot about you at all. About me.โ€

Buck shakes his head. โ€œI mean, the circumstances hereโ€ฆโ€

โ€œI know, butโ€ฆโ€ Bobby sighs heavily. โ€œI think you think Iโ€™m better than I am.โ€

โ€œI think you think youโ€™re worse than you are,โ€ Buck retorts.ย 

โ€œI donโ€™t want you to have some romanticized notion of me as a parent,โ€ Bobby says. โ€œAt least, not from before. Okay? If weโ€ฆ It needs to be realistic, because Iโ€™m notโ€ฆ I mean, youโ€™re supposed to have younger siblings, Buck.โ€

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๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ๐Ÿชฝ

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39 for ๐Ÿชฝ:

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Marisol leaves a moment after that to go get Eddie food. Heโ€™s not even that hungry. He just needs answers as a form of sustenance.

Once sheโ€™s gone, Eddie turns to Buck. Buck, as if on instinct, glances over his shoulder and the tall ridge of his wing to look at Eddie.

โ€œCan you still see me?โ€ Buck asks.

โ€œMhm,โ€ Eddie nods.

โ€œWow,โ€ Buck exhales excitedly. โ€œThis is so great. Itโ€™s been so long since I had anyone to talk to. Five years!โ€

Godโ€ฆ Yeah. It has been.ย 

โ€œI canโ€™t really chat here,โ€ Eddie whispers. โ€œBut can you explain this to me until she comes back?โ€

โ€œOh!โ€ Buck blinks. โ€œOkay, yes.โ€

Heโ€™s a lot like how Eddie remembers him as a living, breathing human person. Even as an angel. The thought makes Eddie sad. Buck was so full of life. Even when he was a little too full of life. He misses it. He only knew him for a few months, but he misses it.ย 

โ€œSo, I remember the building collapsing and the thing taking me out,โ€ Buck says. โ€œAnd then I donโ€™t remember anything at all, so you knowโ€ฆ I know what happened.โ€

Ugh. Does he? Itโ€™s so bleak. But of course he knows. Eddie wants to ask how he feels about it. What would that change though?

โ€œNext thing I knew, I was with you,โ€ Buck says. โ€œThe day your wife died.โ€

Eddieโ€™s eyes widen.ย 

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