“Mixologist” shut the fuck up, say boozewizard like a fucking adult

If you ever, and I mean EVER think that you fucked something up royally, remember that the organizers of the 1904 Olympic marathon:

- Had zero stations for water on the 26 mile (42 km) course

- Accidentally gave North American competitor Tom Hicks a cocktail made of egg whites, brandy, and actual fucking rat poison

- Had a guy come into the race late wearing a beret and cutoff slacks, sneak into an apple orchard during the race because no food had been given to him for 40 hours, eat rotten apples, projectile vomit onto the track, fall asleep for hours, and finish in fourth place OVERALL because most of the other runners collapsed of exhaustion or injuries

- Conducted the race on a dusty road, which caused so much dust to be kicked into the air that an American runner somehow inhaled enough to tear his STOMACH LINING open

- Accidentally released feral dogs onto the track

- Fucked the other competitors up SO BADLY that Tom Hicks—the guy who ate RAT POISON and was HALLUCINATING the entire run—came in first place

me: *feels random pain in body*

me: kill me

why do ppl think its ok to waste my time

in my car

me: lets get bumpin!!!!

me: *plays slightly upbeat emo music*

this is superior humor

(source)

This is the fucking thing ever

If there are trees you aren’t alone

I can’t tell if this is supposed to be encouragement or an ominous warning

#that’s entirely up to the trees

Fluffies bunnies

she!

as soon as sam from icarly found out she had a crush on someone she checked herself into a mental hospital. we could all learn from her

i’ve got like 2 friends maybe 2.5