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✧varian✧

@fallenstarcat / fallenstarcat.tumblr.com

he/they ★ trans polyam queer man ★ multiple disabilities, be patient

something i’ve seen literally no one talk about is how texas has determined HRT for people under 18 is illegal and child abuse, and they must be weaned off. this has been my life for about 2 years. i’m an adult now and it’s still having negative impacts on my life, i’m still fighting. please please don’t forget us. we’re fighting and no one can see it.

*grabbing young queer people by the shoulders* listen to me. radical feminism is inherently transphobic. you cannot rehabilitate it or reclaim it or make it trans inclusive, I don't care what the people on twitter who claim to be authorities on queerness say. the foundation of radical feminism is nothing but bio and gender essentialism and biphobia and aphobia and anti-kink rhetoric and intersexism and yes, misogyny. it does not offer a future, not for bi people, aroace people, sex workers, not for kinksters, or intersex people, cis women, or trans people regardless of gender and you should care about those people. it will never result in queer liberation because it is an ideology of exclusion and hatred. you gain nothing by buying into the idea that half the population is evil by birth or by transition. you gain nothing by acting like women are perpetual victims who can't think for themselves and are tainted by their association with men. being a man or being attracted to them is not a sin. if we truly want to stand a chance of dismantling the patriarchy we actually NEED men on our side especially marginalized men. they are our allies.

the problem with terfs is not just transphobia, it never was, the radical feminism is also so unbelievably harmful. you cannot save it and it will not save you, stop drawing lines between queer people and join hands with them instead. remove people who are actually harmful, not innocent people who happen to have the wrong sexuality or gender or job. we get there together or we don't get there at all. we need each other now more than ever. do not listen to those who seek to divide us even if they are queer. we all deserve so much better than the hell radical feminism pretends is a liberated future.

I do not blame anyone who fell prey to this rhetoric, I know it feels good to have a common enemy and lash out at those you think are siding with them however they do it, but men, especially marginalized men, are not your enemies. and it's never too late to realize that and change for the better.

ive been out for 5 years and i just wore a proper suit for the first time last month

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent found a haircut that gave me gender euphoria and i liked at once

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent figured out a clothing style that gave me gender euphoria and i liked at once

ive been out for 5 years, legally changed my name and gender for 3, and i still havent settled on a name enough to claim it as mine fully

ive been out for 5 years and i still havent gotten top surgery, which ive wanted for longer than ive wanted T (which ive been on for 3 years)

ive been out for 5 years and i still get misgendered by strangers constantly, dont pass no matter how hard i try

ive been out for 5 years and i still wonder if im "really trans"

ive been out for 5 years and im still near the start of my transition.

I think the invention of the term "traumadump" has done discussion of mental health a lot of harm. I keep seeing discourse vs whether or not it's okay to talk about heavy topics with your friends, and like... I feel like there is a very big and important difference between my definition of traumadumping (ie. Frequently and habitually diverting your conversations with others towards your own misery, often with the goal of focusing attention and sympathy towards yourself at the expense of those around you, and without recognizable effort to reciprocate your empathy towards those you are speaking to or to ensure their comfort) VS the mere act of having heavier conversations with those around you. I've seen a lot of backlash to the idea of traumadumping as a concept lately (they paywalled human connection etc etc) but I think it's worth recognizing there is absolutely a kind of behavior that can create a negative feedback loop with this stuff. Especially if you navigate a lot of spaces in social media, it's not uncommon to find people dropping really heavy stuff on complete strangers unprompted. Idk, I think there's a degree of nuance to be had that's maybe getting a bit lost due to everyone having different definitions of what it means to "trauma dump."

i feel like the disabled community hears a lot from abled people about how we must all be so sad and we need a cure, so we reversed that and said no, we actually are all very happy with our disabilities and no one wishes they were abled. when often, most of us lie in the middle, and our opinion changes as we do. so heres your reminder youre allowed to be in the middle. its your body, and your life. you get to dictate how you feel about it

id say this is a common thing in EVERY marginalized community! ive at least noticed it in every community ive been in. it causes the notion there are only two opposing ideas, and forgets the middle room where most people are. life is complex and so are humans, its rarely black-and-white like this

shout out to every trans person who wants to bind but cannot, whether not as often as you wish or not at all. i myself have gone from binding 5 days a week to once every few months due to asthma and chronic pain. i see you. i feel you. dysphoria is hard, but sometimes physical health needs priority too and thats okay

Anonymous asked:

Trans man vent rant incoming but its bothering the fuck out of me and I don't have anyone else to say this to.

I am so very very tired of being told to protect cis women. Don't make them uncomfortable in the bathroom or the locker room thats a "safe space," don't talk about how reproductive rights being stripped affects us too because "its a women's movement, don't derail," don't talk about how we are also victims of violence from cis men because "You're men, that doesn't happen to you, don't forget your privilege."

I'm so tired of it. Because you know what, I have been protecting cis women my entire life. I was that friend! I was the friend who stood up to cis men that made them uncomfortable, I'm the one they went to when they didn't feel safe, I was the one who slapped and punched and screamed at and reported every single fucking creep that made cis women uncomfortable and afraid. I was that person. And whether it was my masculine energy and look, or the fact that I'm ugly or the fact that I'm on the heavier side, you can blame it on whatever you want, but I was the person that cis women friends, classmates, and coworkers came to when they were uncomfortable. I was the person protecting them! Me!

But now that I'm a man? Now that I'm no longer a masculine women? Now that I've stepped over the smallest fucking line by daring to call myself a different word (I don't pass, before you get your panties in a bunch. Not you op, people in general) now suddenly I'm so scary?

When is it my fucking turn to be protected? Okay? When is it my turn? Because this has bothered me since I was a girl! Since I was that butch that everyone flocked to to stand up to cis men. When do I get to be protected? Because it is fucking radio silence from cis women. Now that I'm not a girl, what I don't matter anymore? Now that I'm the one who needs protecting LIKE IVE ALWAYS NEEDED no one is going to stand up for me? None of them.

When is it my turn to be afraid? When is it my turn to be comforted? When is it my turn to be protected? Why do they never, ever care?

I love my queer siblings, my trans siblings, and they've been nothing but wonderful, but it is still something I see even within the queer community, people that have done no or minimal work deconstructing gender, they are so quick to turn coat on trans men for the crime of being men. I'm so tired of being a man only when I've done something wrong, to have them call me a man as an insult. To project all their anger at cis men at me, who, surprise surprise is also treated like shit by cis het men. I'm a gay trans man. My passing goal is to be called a faggot instead of a tranny, so fuck, even passing isn't going to get me into their good graces.

Im just so tired. Cis women. Cis HET women especially, God, fucking do better.

(And yes I'm making generalizations based on my own experience, fucking sue me, I'm upset)

it reallly does seem like the terf and general rad fem movement is more concerned with feeling comfortable within the bounds of gender as they know it than our safety. it always seems to come second- a weird mix of “we’re not harming you, we’re defending ourselves” and “well, you deserve it for being a gender traitor”.

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sometimes i feel like people forget autism is a disability. and that’s not a bad thing! i’m all for disability acceptance, im proud of my disabilities. but i feel like we forget autism can hurt.

it hurts that i have to put more time and energy into socializing than others.

it hurts when i need to move so bad, usually cause im overwhelmed by either my surroundings or emotions, that i thrash and hurt myself.

it hurts that i cant be in places that are too loud or too bright, which on bad days can be as simple as a small, quiet noise or dim lights.

it hurts that i struggle to tell when im hungry, thirsty, tired, etc. so i can’t properly take care of myself. it doesn’t help my insomnia and i get very nauseas and get UTIs.

i 100% believe in autism acceptance. i don’t want a cure. but i also want us the acknowledge that it can hurt. it doesn’t mean my entire life will hurt, but some parts will. and i want a community where we can see both sides, see the hurt, and celebrate it anyway.

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muppethole-deactivated20240312

It's a fantastic point, but John Boyega's net worth also puts him at $6 million. When he says eat the rich, he isn't safe either...

There’s a pretty big fucking difference between six million and one trillion lmao

Not to mention the way the money was made

An actor being paid for a role / doing some advertising is a world away form a man setting up a cooperate money machine that horrendously exploits workers

This is something I hate SO MUCH about how tumblr talks about money.

Like, I get that famous actors have large amounts of money, some of them are even probably overpaid (I have complicated thoughts about how actors are paid because of the nature of acting as a career), but they are exchanging labor for money, and their salaries are an expense involved in making a movie.

But like... an actor is paid for a job. They’re a worker like the rest of us. Bezos isn’t paid for a job, he’s paid for being the person who owns Amazon and despite being obscenely wealthy, he does all sorts of shitty things and to underpay and exploit his workers, and avoid paying taxes, so that more of the money Amazon generates will be profit (worker’s salaries are not profit, they’re a business expense). 

These two mechanisms of acquiring money are fundamentally very different. 

The reason why billionaires are evil aren’t because having money is bad, its because to get a billion dollars you have to cheat. You have to take it from someone else. If Bezos paid all his workers and suppliers fairly and treated them well, and paid his fair amount of taxes, and etc, then it literally wouldn’t matter how much money he earned, because he wouldn’t be doing anyone any harm. But its not actually possible to amass a billion dollars (a full order of magnitude bigger than a million) while behaving in an ethical manner. 

The last post is everything.

Also wanna say that John Boyega specifically does a lot of proper grassroots good work and actively puts himself in a position where he knows the racists will keep on coming for him, to actively and materially help marginalised communities.

The fact a black man is never able to say a single word without being criticised is not being missed btw.

i see my disabilities like i see my transgender-ness.

they both have disadvantages.

socially: transphobia, ableism.

in yourself: dysphoria, the disability itself needing you to adapt to do things, or not being able to do some things at all.

both have pros and cons. some people dont want to be trans. some people dont want to be disabled.

yet, i like being both. theyre part of my identity, big ones at that. and thats okay.

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