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@fergitmenaught

{25 | he/they/it}

you hit 26 and suddenly your only choices are dropping out of college and hitting yourself in the head with a metal pipe

its truly moving how much grace in this episode was given to the reality of losing a parent who was abusive and how none of the Roys reactions is cut and dry. A huge part of their grief is not just for Logan, but that there is never going to be reconciliation. the possibility of their father apologising, being the dad they needed, has died with him. ken's"i can't forgive you, but i love you" encapsulates so much of that conflict, the cognitive dissonance of loving your parent and being their victim who is never going to get closure. roman tells Logan he's "a monster" so, of course, he'll be okay wherein his frame of reference for his father's strength is his own fear of it. shiv's childish insistence that she can't allow this, as if asserting herself hoping her father will admonish her for it as he always has. it's one thing to know your parent harmed you irrevocably and wish them suffering for that - but it's another thing, "a material event", to lose them and lose the chance, the hope once and for all, that the one person who hurt you more than anyone will make it okay. obviously, it's okay if you lose your abusive parent and feel nothing or feel glad, but i felt so relieved to see this episode give space to the tedious, complicated and painful reality that, even if you don't want to, you can feel grief your abusive parent and the loss of hope that leaves with them.

"I'm in my late 20s and I'm scared I've already peaked" just don't peak then, idiot. what do you mean like you're going to just stop trying to think harder and build taller and learn more and get luckier and read deeper and dress better and fuck weirder and run faster and draw crazier and smoke danker and dance bigger and steal better and stun everyone with your cunty charm and zeal because, what, you think those are the rules? get real. get up. you have another 50 years and you're not going to use them??? give them to me.

happy tdov. i love you. you are loved. the sun is shining, the moon is bright. they love you too. rain is falling somewhere. flowers are growing. snow is coming. the world around you writes a love letter to you every single day. you must survive so that you may live and write one back.

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