fierytales

The people who write stuff down usually work for those who won.

Sometimes people who win either don’t know how to read or don’t care about reading. Vikings sure won a lot of battles but nobody knows what they thought about it.

Also lately every time people try to tell me that history is written by the victors, I think about the Vietnam war. The US lost that war, but if you’re an American, when was the last time you heard a Vietnamese perspective on that war?

History is written by people who write stuff down and the narratives around history are made by the perspectives you’re exposed to.

Also, think about it. The soviets lost the Cold War but you can still read what people from former soviet countries think about that whole thing. Some of them are on tumblr right now making blog posts. Just because you don’t read something doesn’t mean it isn’t being written.

Have you ever taken a look at some of those ancient Egyptian battle carvings? The ones with the pharaohs looking giant in their chariots? A lot of those depict the pharaoh in question winning the battle decisively when in fact there’s evidence that they lost. Sometimes quite badly.

An Ineffalbe Halloween comic in March~

(The ineffable parents are SO in love. And I love that they are in love.)

Ok this might be a bit of a weird question but I keep arguing with my mom and sis about this so I need y'all to answer this

[For context my mom and sis keep telling me I shower for too long but my showers are usually 45 minutes to an hour]

(edit: *your showers not you showers)

If you go over 10 minutes, you don't pay the water bill.

Grew my hair long and now I’m averaging 12-15

Wtf…. That’s like 2 songs long.. my showers have barely begun at the 10 minute mark how do y’all move that fast

I just don’t believe people when they say they can shower in 10-15 and be completely clean, thats unfathomable to me. Even if I’m not washing my hair I still need like 30 mins to feel even remotely clean??? ARE you cleaning everything? The back of your neck? The back of your ears? You people already admitted to not washing your legs. Are you washing your genitals? Your butt and butthole? ALL your folds??? Be for fucking real

i taught a baking class for 12 year olds today and we made your garden variety chocolate chip cookies, but i’m a big believer in Questioning Everything and the who/what/where/why/when/how behind things, so the first part of the class was purposely letting the kids do things the wrong way, to show and explain why we do things the way we do.

“why do we bake cookies at 180 for 9 minutes when we could do 400 for 2 minutes?” -enter the godawful lump of coal with a still gross wet and uncooked inside

“why do we have to scoop out little cookies instead of doing the whole tray?” -ok well that one you can technically do if the spread is even. you just end up with one giant, structurally unsound cookie. “PLEASE CAN WE MAKE GIANT COOKIES” (we did make 1 giant tray cookie)

we talked a lot about why consistency is important, but i don’t think it really hammered home until i said “okay everyone gets ONE cookie, that’s fair, right?” and then handed out cookies of hugely varying sizes. + baked one fat lump of a cookie that still wasn’t done at the 9 minutes, vs the regular one i put in that came out charred by the time the first was actually done.

we also made a row of cookies where each one had one single differing ingredient omitted, like a cookie with no flour, or a cookie with no butter, and laid them all out on a single tray to bake together to see how each ingredient affects the outcome.

two of the little girls added cocoa to their cookie doughs until it matched the colour of each others skin to make best friend cookies, and that almost made me tear up a bit 🥺

got briefly distracted (…for over half an hour…) talking about how eggs form when someone cracked an egg and it had 2 yolks

expertly tolerated being asked how old i am (just turned 31 the other day) which was immediately followed by asking if i watched the moon landing live on tv

was so focused on keeping track of all the kids that in the end i forgot to make a cookie for myself, but it’s ok because one of the girls gave me this

tiny……….

the class went well and they asked if i wanted to do another one in a couple weeks and i said yeah, and they’re taking uh… fuck, what’s the word for inventory when it’s people?? attendance?? whatever, they’re trying to see who’s interested to get a feel of if it’d be 1 three hour class again or if there’s too many kids so we’d do a couple classes. anyways, i love the emails from Concerned Parents.

“will there be knives involved?” we are baking cookies.

“what temperatures does the oven get to/will it be hot enough to burn?” we are baking cookies.

“will there be [insert ingredient used in cookies]?” we are baking cookies.

“are you using fahrenheit or celsius?” ??????? d-does it matter?? it’s going to get Hot. (also celsius; this is ontario)

“are the ovens childproof?” no?? i’m assuming you’re asking if i’m going to let your kids reach into the ovens while i’m staring out a window in another room. i will not be allowing your children to use the ovens. they will not be left unattended. 

“why is the library baking class taking place at the high school?” the library does not have 10 ovens. the library does not even have 1 oven. the high school has many ovens.

“what if i don’t want my child to have cookies? can you let her make muffins instead?” this is a baking class for cookies. we are baking cookies.

“cookies aren’t healthy. why don’t you make [insert whatever]” do you know how many cookies i can make with a $40 budget and a trip to the bulk store? we are making cookies.

“who needs a class to bake a cookie, why not teach something more valuable?” IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT THE COOKIES, KAREN, IT’S ABOUT FAMILIARIZING CHILDREN WITH THE ART AND SCIENCE OF BAKING/COOKING/FOOD, ABOUT TRYING NEW THINGS, MAKING MISTAKES AND REALIZING THAT THE MISTAKES ARE NOT ONLY OKAY TO MAKE BUT VALUABLE IN AND OF THEMSELVES, FAMILIARIZING THEM WITH INDEPENDENCE, THE UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THINGS CAN COME TOGETHER TO FORM A NEW AND BETTER WHOLE, ALL WHILE HAVING TRYING TO INJECT A MODICUM OF JOY INTO THEIR LITTLE LIVES. SORRY THAT THERE ARE CONCEPTS AT PLAY YOU CAN’T SEEN TO UNDERSTAND HERE. MAYBE YOU SHOULD COME JOIN AND I’LL LET YOU MAKE A FUCKING COOKIE.

Like a half hour after taking pain relief meds: oh actually it doesnt hurt anymore i probably didnt even need to take those

Something I made while dealing with my own stuff and hoping drawing this would pick me up somehow. Maybe it worked.

FT my cat. His name is Mischief

Every protein bar is called something like "double chocolate indulgence caramel cookie dough delight crunch" and tastes like clay and sawdust

its just embarrassing when you make a fandom related post and it doesnt get any notes like okay. so no one want to play tuoys with me. no one wants to play with our little guys together. okay thats fine. yeah its cool... puts my hands in my jacket pockets. kicks a beer can that was on the side of the road a little

Guy who is Bonita ‼️

Five asexuals are playing cards.

One starts to explain the rules: 

I’d say no cheating, but there are already five aces at the table.

just a reminder that apparently anybody who isn’t ace cheats

this literally says the aces are cheating…………. because… you can’t have five aces in a deck………….it’s the Opposite of the second comment…

Reading comprehension on this site is piss-poor

How dare you say aces piss on the poor

Happy pride y'all

How dare you say we should take pride in pissing on the poor

Hamlet as a D&D paladin.

Keep reading

some gems of insight from the reblogs (@aspiring-protagonist​ and @moderndayathena​):

Weren’t you listening? He’s praying. GOES HARD AS FUCK

THIS!! THIS SCENE!!

Everyday I come across people who say ‘oh he was a procrastinator, oh he could have killed his uncle at anytime why didn’t he’

And everyone who says that is Missing. The. Point.

Kingfisher and Great Egret lined up just right

lone fisherman spots Kaiju approaching the coastline

Kingfisher and Great Egret lined up just right

lone fisherman spots Kaiju approaching the coastline

1) why is Skizz’s face in Joel’s ass

2) sorry I mean BUTTER not Joel

3) sorry still not over Skizz’s face in Joel’s ass

Skizz you coward put your face BACK in there

Ice cold takes from a Transgender Woman: