There hath been a new development at the monastery! Gode Weather is upon us. The sun is out, the garden is blooming, and Brother Eustace’s tonsure has developed a disturbing sun-burn.

i hath smacked it, my hand’s print still adorneth his pathetic pink pate

Could I Pretty please Command your troops?

The only thing being "locked in" is you in the torture dungeon

indeed.com/jobs/living-weapon

If you want to lament, click on the "Lament" tab. Customize your wailing, writhing, and babbling, to make each lamentation a unique experience.

I shouldn’t live my life by the sword? But what if the sword is, like, really cool? Did you think of that?

A dying Aristotle, temporarily revived by smelling an apple. From The Book of the Apple

From Eisenbibliothek's MS 20 f. 15v.

A Kingdom for a Knight

Salomé, innocently, with her dance, took the head of John the Baptist on a silver platter; Lancelot, not so innocent, took Galehaut to surrender an entire territory.

(bleeding from my wound) notice anythiung differebt about me ;)

top ten normalest lancelot moments <3

the number of swords with incredibly hyperspecific powers in Arthuriana really delights me:

— First Percival Continuation, Nigel Bryant translation

this is just a sword that Gawain is using for normal quest stuff btw

LOATHLY?! My lady is a SHINING PEARL amongst a sea of dames as BLAND as thine MOTHER'S FEASTS!

reading arthuriana is always like oh boy I’m gonna read a fun whimsical story about knights and quests and the fantastic and the enchanted in a magical land ! and the magical land in question is always like. full of horrific crimes

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.

me: oh thomas cromwell, we're really in it now. every day i get emails.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: i was on committees with the duke of norfolk. and they beheaded me.

me: yep. good point.

me: cromwell. cromwell this post has got too big and famous and people are starting to misunderstand me on it.

the postcard of thomas cromwell i keep on my desk: oh no! you achieved too much fame and status? and now people are misrepresenting you? should we strip your lands and title? have you been beheaded?

me: YES ALRIGHT FINE

you heard the man. don’t be an armorless jackass

Hear ye, hear ye! Armor is a necessity for the safety of us all! Officiated, with safety!