I googled world funniest joke and this was it

This Vote Is Legally Binding

In response to all those articles about talking to women with headphones…

Someone always says it, whenever it comes up: “I guess I’m just not allowed to talk to anyone any more!” Well. Yes. It is my duty to inform you that we took a vote all us women and determined that you are not allowed to talk to anyone ever again. This vote is legally binding. Yes, of course, all women know each other, the way you always suspected. (Incidentally, so do Canadians. I’m just throwing that out there.) We went into the women’s room at the Applebee’s at the corner of 54 and all the others streamed in through the doors into that endless liminal space, a chain of humans stretching backward heavy skulled Neanderthal women laughing with New York socialites, Lucille Ball hand in hand with the Taung child. We sat around in the couches in the women’s room (I know you’ve always been suspicious of those couches) and chatted with each other in the secret female language that you always knew existed. Somebody set up a console– the Empress Wu is ruthless at Mario Kart and Cleopatra never learned to lose and a woman who ruled an empire that fell when the Sea People came and left no trace can use the blue shell like a surgical instrument. Eventually we took the vote. You had three defenders: your grandmother and your first-grade teacher and an Albanian nun who believes the best of everybody. Your mom abstained. It was duly recorded in the secret notebooks that have been kept under the couch in the Applebee’s since the beginning of recorded time. And then we went back to playing Mario Kart and Hoelun took off her bra and we didn’t think about you again except that I had to carry this message. So anyway good luck with that it’s just as you always said it was. Hush now, no talking

hush.

my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”

i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone

so i started a new book

*drags hands down face*

*lays on the floor*

The Illustrated Book of Manners: A Manual of Good Behavior and Polite Accomplishments, 1866

The ugly secret of working moms [and any other worker with outside obligations] (via feministlibrarian)

I’m Luke Skywalker, I’m here to rescue you.

Carrie Fisher at the European premiere of Star Wars: The Force Awakens in London

Actual reasons people are frustrated with JJ’s Star Trek:

- Completely ignores the original characterization choices in favour of making the characters shallow pop-culture versions of themselves

- Blatantly disregards the military-exploratory nature of Starfleet in favour of doing whatever looks/sounds ‘cool’

- Consistent neither with actual current science nor with the established science of the Star Trek universe

- ignores the actual mission of exploring strange new worlds and seeking out new civilizations in favor of, well, whatever it was they did in those first 2 movies

- promised an alternate timeline where presumably new things would happen, and instead gave us a tired retread of an already established plot because reasons

- zombie tribbles (never forget)

- did away with the need for starships entirely with Khan’s magic planet hopping mini transporter

- ‘cured death’

I can’t believe there are already people complaining about the combat in the new Star Wars movie looking too similar to the Prequel trilogy rather than the original trilogy.

Like, do I need to remind you what the the combat looked like in the originals?

“Careful now Vader, we don’t want to break our lightsabers.”

Why would you not want the combat to look like that of the prequel trilogy though? 

The combat was fucking awesome.

I would argue that it’s a good in between. The originals were too tame and the prequels feel too glamorized. The force awakens feels like an actual fight is happening.

I so agree. Prequel lightsaber fights, while amazingly choreographed, feel too ‘put on’. TFA’s lightsaber fight felt like fencing, actual sword fighting, but with an edge. A perfect harmony of the originals and the trilogy.

Original Trilogy: Whacking sticks

Prequel Trilogy: Lightsaber ballet

Sequel Trilogy: Actually looks like professionals fighting

why would you exclude the prime example of prequel showmanship

this gif doesn’t do it justice they spin their lightsabers without hitting each other for a good 5 seconds it’s wonderful

start ur day off right with hearty bowl of gina torres as cleopatra letting xena know she’s DTF.

the fact that I’m reblogging this from a non-Xena blog I follow makes it even better. also GABRIELLE’S FACE LOLOL

I love all of this.

insp.

IM DYING

Your Brain In Love, more on @tobeagenius

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind, 1896 by Jean-Léon Gérôme

I’ve been thinking a lot about it and this is literally the best title of anything

so I guess it was some ancient Greek who said “truth lives at the bottom of a well” and I don’t know what he meant or why it stuck, but I’ve seen a lot of 19th-century references to it (because people always love showing off how much they know about stuff)

but I like this because imagine how fucking pissed off you would be if you lived at the bottom of a well in the first place, but then you had to climb all the way out of it somehow because humans were such unbelievable assholes that you were forced to yell at them in person

“I CAME OUT OF THE WELL BECAUSE YOU NEED TO STOP”

I just spit all over my phone lol

Amandla Stenberg on cultural appropriation  (via msnbc)

yasss amandla! preach

(via kafilahx)