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I've learned the hard way that you need to make sure everybody present is familiar with this tweet before attempting to quote it or else everyone is going to recreate that photo of those college students holding solo cups staring at you with disgust

#being nice is important #Bad Thoughts are just electric jello having an Experience (via @thursdayplaid)

clip I got of Corey absolutely BODYING Show Stoppin’ Number

I’m curious, but what do you guys think would be different about Owen and Curt if Curt fell instead?

I can go on rants about this topic but I’m curious on how you guys would interpret it

I think it depends on whether every other detail is the same. If everything else happens exactly the same- Curt drops the peel, etc- that's a very different development than it would be if it were some series of Owen's mistakes that gets him into that situation.

If everything is exactly the same, except Curt falls, I don't think he'd hold it against Owen for not going back for him. Even if Chimera is able to manipulate him into DMAing, Curt would know on some level that it wasn't Owen's fault.

If its some series of mistakes that Owen is responsible for, I think Curt would take a similar path that Owen did. Maybe not as severe, but I don't really see pre-fall Owen as being a colder or more brutal character than pre-fall Curt, they both seem to be cocky assholes who are delighted by each other, and by doing a little violence on behalf of their respective countries.

Chimera would probably have to pressure him more on the "betraying your country" thing, but I think Curt would absolutely blame Owen, that he would have all these scars and pain issues and mobility issues and isolation and grief, that he would feel abandoned and believe that Owen didn't really love him, and he'd break in a similar way.

Owen didn't just run off and say "Alright time to be evil!" The thing that happened to him changed him. The injuries, but also the isolation, the manipulation, the sense of abandonment, and so on. I don't think Curt is necessarily more resistant to those feelings. In fact, with ADHD/rejection sensitive dysphoria, he might actually be more susceptible to them?

YES YES YES !! thats my exact line of logic for the swap au I'm making. I'm too tired to make this sound more intelligent but here's my ramble anyway

Curt isn't out for revenge. He's out to 'fix' the problem he caused. It was his own damn banana peel, after all.

In my head Chimera sort of twists that RSD to be like "oh yeah you fucked up sooooo bad nobody but us will be willing to take you in. Yeah bro, Owen totally hates you now. That's just how that works, trust us" And they wield that self-hatred like a finely balanced sword and point him at whatever target they need. It makes him erratic and a lot more of a wild-card than Owen DMA, but its certainly effective and it usually winds up working in Chimera's favor anyway.

That tracks 100% to me, I think if it was Curt's peel that takes him out, Chimera would be able to twist Curt's own self-hatred and insecurity against him to manipulate him in a big way

I was discussing this kind of AU with @ricky-mortis a few days ago, and we came to the conclusion that since Curt is so much more impatient than Owen, he would take the DMA mask off during the Torture Tango scene. Maybe he doesn't blame Owen, he just has been warped and twisted into Chimera's weapon so he tortures Owen because he was ordered to (maybe a test of loyalty from Chimera since they know his heart has always been with Owen)? Anyway, we decided that when Curt reveals himself before torturing Owen, he also changes into the iconic jacket (he stole it after the fall, I guess?) but he wears it like actual Curt Mega did in Dentist. It started out as a silly joke, but then Ricky drew this.

The best thing about it is that Owen's blushing.

i played owen carvour in a production of spies in sydney, and tcb i have a confession i added a line. in the man behind the curtain reveal, owen says "if it hadn't been for my spot on aim and interest in foreign policy, i might have been an actor." i had about a month between application and audition and i was sitting on the first paragraph for so long and i got a bit bored. so i added "and you know, being blackmailed by the english" to that list. it added this manic, pained spark to the moment. fuel for the fire.

i dont know what joey thinks about owens history, but i gave him a timeline. born 1926 (nov 14th. scorpio bitch.), his fine family home destroyed in the Blitz, he enlists for some income (and maybe to escape home) at 17 in 1943, too young, but he's slick and clever enough to pass as an adult. 1945, right before the end of the war, he sees something he shouldnt have. the higher ups in a below the table deal that could ruin a lot of rich and powerful peoples lives if it reaches the wrong hands. owen carvours hands were the wrong hands. but he's a remarkable soldier, he's quick, he's a master tactician, and he's Good At Lying. hes useful. so instead of taking him out. someone says "hey kid. howd you like to be a secret agent. -also if you say no you'll die-" no choice. he'll continue to live at the behest of a governments will.

he doesnt Like being a spy, but its not the worst thing in the world. he likes the more decadent aspects, certainly, and deception not only comes naturally, but brings a sort of thrill.

he doesn't like being a spy until he meets curt mega. this part of his history is a bit blurry, but i imagine them meeting sometime near 1952 (because of the song Video Killed The Radio Star), surely on the job somewhere. curt makes spying fun. and curt is the first real thing owen has had reliably since 1943. he doesnt change, hes delightfully predictable, and despite him appearing somewhat less intelligent than owen, he has this knack for seeing straight through to owens heart. curt is daring, where owen might be intially more cautious. curt has the guts to get the two of them *into* situations, where owen has the tactician skill to get them *out*.

i think owen got comfortable. tragically, the two of them were so in sync, so reliant on each other, that he didnt see the fall coming at all.

it wasnt the fall that hurt. it was watching curt walk away. he'd always thought that if this were to happen, theyd go down together.

CHIMERA found him in the rubble, a boy who'd always been controlled, who'd never really got a chance to live a life of his own, and saw a man who was easy both to manipulate, and to empower.

they weren't aggressive about their agenda because they knew what would happen. the founder/ceo (a man i have decided is named Thomas) simply let owen recover in their facilities and let him free when he was able to leave, with an explanation of their plan, and an offer of further help should he require it.

owen broke within a month. a string of killings across europe simply attributed to an individual named The Deadliest Man Alive. CHIMERA drags owen back by the scruff of his neck.

"what the hell do you think you're doing."

"what? who are they going to arrest? owen carvours fucking dead."

its very important to me that owen wasnt brainwashed by CHIMERA. every choice has to come from him because the catharsis of him fully believing in the ideology he carries out with his chest for the first time is just delicious.

he doesnt. hate curt. i dont think. he loves curt, and he hates the institution of Espionage that forced them into this. but ultimately, that institution is so driven into curt that owen cant get what he really wants, which is to break curt out of that and have him all to himself. coldest goodbye reprise is a moment of sorrowful acceptance for both of them. owen understands that curt is always going to be a spy, no matter what, and giving up on the fantasy he had.

lovingly blurs out curts face. pre and post fall owen <3 i did turtleneck owen before joey richter for the record

This is simultaneously comforting and uncomfortable

A clear river flowing with leaves

Runs through a red forest of trees

Such a vision of maple

Is a boon if you’re able

To sit still and attain inner peace

clip I got of Corey absolutely BODYING Show Stoppin’ Number

hey. dont think about owen saying he wont let curt get into his head “this time” because of his steel trap of a mind. dont think about how owen views curt as someone who just got in his mind and wouldnt leave, like a parasite. someone who lied and charmed his way into owens cold and locked heart, only to leave him there, broken on the floor.

dont think about owen, who would spend those four years looking back at their time together through tinted glass —it was all a ruse, wasnt it? curt never cared as much as owen did, as much as owen wanted him to. curt just got into owens head, and, ultimately, destroyed him.

but that wouldnt happen this time. no, this time owen was prepared. his mental walls were up, curt couldnt charm his way in again. curt was the reason for his suffering, he hated him now. things were different

yet he still hesitated, long enough for tatiana to save curt. he still led curt away on a long chase, yet didnt cock his gun til halfway through his monologue.

owen still let curt get in, just enough for him to be sloppy. and what did curt do with that?

the same as last time. he killed him.

I was gonna do this in the tags but then there were too many tags, so

Yesss. This this this. I think from Owen's perspective he never wanted to be in a relationship or fall in love, but he couldn't help himself. Curt charmed his way in. He was so infuriating, so unpredictable, so beautiful, something Owen couldn't anticipate or counter. And no matter how hard he fought it, Curt got in his head. Got under his skin. Distracted him. Made him want things he knew he could never really have. And then Curt left him to die.

Curt left him in the rubble, slowly bleeding out, screaming into a black void of smoke. But he survived. He survived the Russians capturing him. He survived being bartered to Chimera, he survived countless surgeries to repair his shattered body, he survived a nightmarish recovery. He held onto his hate like a shield. He swore to himself that he would never- never- be vulnerable like that again. Never put himself in the position to be hurt like that again.

Every time he missed Curt he would remember what that night taught him.

And when Curt reappears in his life, he thinks he can finally rid himself of the ghost that is haunting him. Rid himself of his own softness, his own naivety for trusting this man, for loving him. Part of him did die that night- and now he can excise the thing that killed him.

Except he can't. He wants to. God he wants to. He is desperate to hurt Curt, to make him understand what real suffering is. He wants to kill Curt and finally be done with it. But then Curt is there, in front of him, reminding him of what they used to be. Walking into his gun like the stubborn little shit he has always been.

Owen just keeps talking and keeps talking. And he tells himself it's to stretch out the pain, to hit Curt where it hurts the most. But he keeps repositioning, and his voice is shaking, and somewhere deep down inside of him he knows that he can't do it. He can't kill Curt because some broken, naive, desperate, pathetic little part of him still loves Curt. He hates Curt more than he thought he could possibly hate anyone, but he still loves him. He still can't move on.

Curt killed him once through negligence, through arrogance, but at least it wasn't on purpose. Owen can't kill Curt, but surely Curt would never hurt him on purpose. He wouldn't kill him intentionally. They may not have anything left to hold onto, but surely the same force holding Owen back must be holding Curt back too?

When Curt shoots the gun out of his hand, and moves up the steps, and practically snarls in Owen's face as he pulls the trigger, Owen's final thought is that he misjudged Curt Mega once again.

Oh. Oh man. I'm on the floor this is beautiful but so painful. It's so perfectly them it hurts. I'm gonna chew on this for weeks thank you

Normally I'd have something insightful to add but I'm just. Ooooooooof.

I really do think that somehow, Owen probably had multiple opportunities to kill Curt throughout the chase but couldn't convince himself to do it and kept hesitating, which is why they ended up on the stairs of a very familiar looking Russian Weapons Facility. Owen's last gambit to get himself over the hurdle and finally convince himself to kill Curt, by throwing himself right into the middle of the start of his waking nightmare 4 years ago. But even that proves unsuccessful.

The great Owen Carvour, a world class excellent spy who's cold and calculating nature helped him climb the ranks into infamy in his own right. Feels too much in his supposedly frozen heart to shoot the man before him.

Yeah, yes, that's it.

Something about Owen... feasting on brutality. Training himself to inflict pain, to enjoy suffering. Training himself to detach from the version of himself that used to feel things like hope and love and trust, and now only feels grief and rage and pain. I truly believe that when he said "ah, well part of me [died]" that's what he was referring to. The part of him that could love Curt.

Except, like so much of the show, Owen is all talk. Because no matter how many people he killed or how much he learned to enjoy it, they didn't really matter because they weren't Curt. He told himself he was sharpening himself like a knife. So that if he were ever face to face with the man who broke his heart (and his spine) he wouldn't hesitate. He would kill the bastard and never look back.

But time after time after time he has the chance to end it, and he can't make it happen. And the more he fails to kill Curt, the less he is able to hold onto the facade of DMA. The more the real Owen, the person who can still unfortunately feel things, starts to peek through.

DMA could have killed Curt. But Owen Carvour can't.

thinking really hard about how owen thought he loved curt more. how owen always would've stayed for curt even if it meant that neither them would've made it out of the night alive. loved him so much that he would abandon all reason, every self-preserving instinct and every rational thought. what they had meant so much that owen didn't care what he would have to destroy to keep it---be it the world, be it himself. he loved curt more than all of it. but curt didn't do that for him. didn't want him enough to do everything in his power to never leave him. to owen, he loved curt so much he let himself become foolish for him. and the consequences left scars which turned into blistering, violent anger that eventually swallowed him whole. owen would've done anything to stay with curt. but curt didn't. and wasn't that why he had to let curt go?

also thinking really hard about how curt thought he loved owen more. how his entire life stopped after he lost him, how every single thing that brought his life meaning ceased to matter now that owen wasn't in it. how he always needed the one to do good, to mean something, to be enough for someone---but he could never get it right for owen. the best of best. the person he needed to be worthy of the most. how curt could never be able to bring himself to hate owen, not when he was so incredible and loving and good, but owen could. owen, who knew every wonderful thing they shared, the feelings curt had for him and the things he had done, and didn't hesitate to leave it behind. was able to keep going, despite knowing he was out there waiting and wanting and grieving all the while. curt would've forgiven owen for leaving a million times over. the wonder of what they had meant more than anything else in curt's world. but owen discarded it so easily. and wasn't that why he had to let owen go?

they loved eachother so much it changed them irrevocably. but they both died thinking that their love was pointless. never truly wanted. that they were the one who loved the other more.

...huh. thats kinda fucked up.

I think your analysis is solid, and it just makes it that much more tragic because... if Curt had talked to Owen maybe he would've understood the extent of his injuries and how traumatized he was by them, and by those injuries functionally being inflicted on him by the man he loved and trusted. And if Owen had talked to Curt, maybe he would've realized how deeply Curt grieved for him, how much losing him destroyed Curt's life.

Joey Richter said that presumably Owen was captured by the Russians first and then Chimera made a deal to get Owen and nurse him back to health and "groom him for future work." And it kills me that it seems like Curt just assumes Owen faked his death and ran off, rather than Owen being seriously injured and probably not able to function even semi-normally until long after he is declared dead.

But then of course, Owen makes the assumption that because Curt left him behind, that must mean that Curt didn't love him. Or that Curt's carelessness during their escape meant that Curt didn't love him. That Curt's tendency to "wing it," and his impulsivity must mean that Curt isn't serious about anything, isn't committed.

I think at the end Owen is starting to break. Someone else pointed this out, but if you plan to shoot someone in the head you don't usually tell them to try moving on first. But by this point, Owen has goaded Curt and tortured him and poked at all his insecurities, so even after Curt disarms him, he kills him. So there will never be an opportunity for them to talk or to understand each other.

And it's just... maybe it wouldn't have changed anything. But I find myself constantly haunted by the idea that if Curt had disarmed Owen and then kept him talking, if he'd used Owen's name even once or expressed remorse for what happened... it definitely wouldn't have fixed Owen, but maybe things could've turned out differently.

It's just... it's a mess and it makes me sad

GOD yeah. the tragedy of them to me is that they weren't doomed by the narrative, necessarily. they had so many options to save themselves. they chose to destroy themselves. curt had so many ways out of that moment, but blinded by his own hurt and grief he assumed the absolute worst out of owen. assumed he had lost him forever, that it was too late try to and fix things. and owen, after the fall, was so affected by the sheer trauma of what he'd gone through that he couldn't acknowledge that curt probably HAS tried to save him before, or do risky ass things in the name of keeping him safe. he also assumed the worst, and let the sting of that betrayal swallow the rest of what they once had.

i think. also not very coherent right now i just woke up. theyre just so aighjigfssgeurgjhgdssfjlmncswe

Absolutely. You're cooking here. The big tragedy to me is that when they finally stand still long enough to speak to each other, they are both so fully traumatized by four years of mental/physical/emotional torment that they are not capable of letting the walls drop. Not able to be vulnerable with each other the way they used to be. Not enough to let the other person in.

We see bits and pieces of that vulnerability leaking out through Curt begging Owen to give up Chimera and reminding him of their relationship and walking into his gun, and by Owen's constant repositioning and vocal breaks and his hesitation to actually carry out that final act of vengeance. But it isn't quite enough, because as soon as the facade slips the other lashes out or gets too close to the heart of the issue, and the wall goes right back up.

And if one of them *could* manage to suppress their own pain for long enough to extend empathy to the other... well, it wouldn't fix things but it might change things. But those walls are built so high and so thick, they're both working so hard to protect themselves emotionally, that they can't get there.

I think about the line "personal history does have its benefits" a lot. Because the thing is, they aren't doomed by the narrative so much as they're doomed by personal history. If Curt didn't truly love Owen, he wouldn't have spent four years of his life grieving. If Owen didn't truly love Curt, he wouldn't have spent four years obsessing over his hatred for Curt.

In that final confrontation, they aren't able to communicate that pain and grief and anger to each other because they've each spent so long isolated on their respective islands. Without each other, they have each survived by dedicating themselves to their mission- Owen to Chimera, and Curt to A.S.S., and these are two men who *need* a mission, who need to feel valuable. Without the trust they used to have, clinging to their own missions and sense of purpose is the only thing keeping them going.

They can't be vulnerable with each other because they mean too much to each other. So much that if they really allow themselves to feel that bond, they won't be able to protect themselves anymore, and they don't trust the other to not hurt them again. They're doomed by loving each other so much that they are each other's biggest weakness, and therefore the part of themselves that they have to shield the most.

I don't know if I'm making sense. God they make me so unwell I can't think straight

I hadn't seen this version of the post before and my goodness, @uhhhitsme, these tags... you are going to destroy me

I know that HRT gives you secondary sex characteristics in one direction or another, but we HAVE to stop telling nonbinary people that they “can’t pick and choose.” Of course, you can’t tell your testosterone that you’d rather not grow chest hair, but there are things you can do!

You could go on T so your voice drops and start shaving so you don’t grow a beard. You could start HRT and then stop once you get the permanent changes you like. You can pursue sterilization instead of bottom surgery. You can get top surgery without being on T. You can go on E and work out a bunch to bulk out your muscles. You can pursue laser hair removal or electrolysis to remove unwanted hair, with or without HRT. You could even just start hormones to see if you like it and then stop if it isn’t to your taste.

Obviously, you can’t order secondary sex characteristics a la carte, but we have to stop being so awful to nonbinary people. We should discuss the options we have, not shut down the conversation with “that’s what you get.”

Silly little post

is anyone else also doing ultimately fine + dying of stress + it’s not that bad + if i don’t wake up tomorrow hotter and better at every hobby its fucking over for me

Hyrule Warriors:

Age of Imprisonment

today’s date is the 3rd? what’s next, the 4th? the 5th? the minor fall, the major lift? 

"honey I'm home" but like covered in blood