god only knows

my number one woman behavior is saying i’m fine with any pronouns and silently ranking people in my regard based on what they do with that information

This is George Costanza behavior

GEORGE, at a function: Pronouns? Oh, you know, anything. Anything’s fine. It’s the twenty-first century, right?

-Cut, establishing shot of Jerry’s apartment, bass riff.-

GEORGE: He/him, Jerry!

JERRY: No, they just him’d you?

GEORGE: HE. HIM! I gave them a BUFFET, and they went for plain white bread. Genders as far as the eye could see! Something with an X in it!

JERRY: The X ones are fun…

pocket sized Mysties

Customer started yelling at me because I was 1 minute late to open the shop so I banned him from shopping with us and locked the door on him. Play stupid games.

This man had the audacity to come back at the end of the day as I was closing up by the fucking way. Ranting and raving about how he had been mistreated and that no one had even bothered to reply to his complaint email all day

Well I had the UNBRIDLED joy of informing him that not only had I seen his email, which was insanely abusive towards me for the crime of being 1 minute late and not putting up with his shit first thing in the morning, but that I was also the manager who he demanded to speak to, and I’d now also had our IT team block his IP address from being able to contact us or order with us ever again.

I should’ve been allowed to castrate the man but this will have to do

Okay this got way more notes than I was expecting so I feel like I should add some important context here. I’m not management. I’m not even middle management I’m just some guy that works here. I don’t have the authority to do any of this I just like lying to customers

okay so we have to go back to the basics. men kissing each other

you should be cheering

women kissing each other

more cheering please

w-what about... men and women... kissing each other?

can they do that

[whispers to assistant] is that allowed

Btw if I say things like “by god” or “good lord” in posts please be aware I don’t mean it in a catholic way I mean it in a 1950s scientist reacting in horror after they create an evil creature in the lab set in the distant future year of 2005

You

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

this is one of the best posts ever

i have made like 57 reddit throwaway accounts in my life because my only use for reddit is to login once a year to pose niche questions to a sub i assume is compromised of mostly autistic dads desperate to impart their knowledge upon anyone who will listen. when i got my first fisheries job the equipment list my boss sent me just said “knife.” i emailed back asking what kind of knife and he replied “any knife.” i got on reddit and went to some sub about fish and i said “i got a hatchery job in alaska. what knife do i need for multipurpose use. a knife that does it all.” one guy responded in ten minutes breaking down everything about knives & salmon work. gave me a better idea of my job than the interview did. then he recommended a single knife and like twenty other people replied after him “this is the correct knife. no notes.”

bought it. pretty good knife, no notes.

would you like a nice glass of

I broke a ramune bottle to get the marble out for my dragon.

The dragons face never changes, but I still feel like he looks happier in the 2nd pic 🥺

official dragon post

you haven't unlocked platonic pining yet? wow ok fake yearner

anyone can be platonically in love with their best friend but only real ones can be platonically in love with someone that isn't even their best friend. i'm winning being aroace btw

official aromantic post

I know this is going to make me sound pretensions but I have to get it off my chest. I feel an unimaginable rage when someone posts a photo and is like "this picture looks like a renaissance painting lol" when the photo clearly has the lighting, colors and composition of a baroque or romantic painting. There are differences in these styles and those differences are important and labeling every "classical" looking painting as renaissance is annoying and upsetting to me. And anytime I come across one of those posts I have to put down my phone and go take a walk because they make me so mad

In case you're curious here's what I mean.

Renaissance(distinct lines, stability and the individual man):

Baroque (bold, chaotic, dramatic):

Romantic(romanticize the simple hard working life):

Do you see the difference?

i sincerely hope the overhead wires are in fact live, and not alive- because oh god that’d be horrifying- i don’t wanna look up and see a long ass worm dangling up there- i guess it’d be electric too so it’d be like a pikachu worm? like if someone put pikachu in a meat grinder but instead of dying his soul underwent mitosis and created a subway system powered by living pikachu sausages? anyways have a nice day-

Official ominous sign