@ineffable-mess / ineffable-mess.tumblr.com
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Hoi, here Are my interests I might post about them:
The good place
Community
Tv shows(this includes many things)
Good omens (I might post about, fuck u gaiman- michael sheen)
Art(my own)
Music ( I had to add this bcuz of the many mention of music )
I might post some comics make and maybe my writing idk
maybe sims 4 stuff too
Instagram: frogs_like_art
I will forget to post, I also might just not at all
Warning I suck at spelling.
you know one week ago when i said i needed to lock in before i go on holiday. i have in fact not locked in
they should invent a wormhole in my bedroom where i could walk through it and my best friend is on the other side and we can hang out
I trust this individual to give me a relaxing dental exam.
Day 212 — You'll be back - Bway cruise :3
Source: ☆
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
whar was the point in the proshot getting rid of a few swears when they say the word bitch 60 times in the first 3 minutes of the musical like at that point why try
while my immediate family is not very religious, i come from a fairly conservative muslim family who are all queerphobic, minus my younger sibling. people dont realise just how many queer muslims there are because so many are closeted. how do i know? well, i know them! theyre my friends. shoutout to all the closeted / stealth / non visible queers and a big shoutout to the closeted but 'visible' queers
a massive shoutout to all queer and trans muslims on this day! you and your friends sound awesome, and the experiences of closet and stealth queers should never be ignored. you are seen, you are known, you are loved. and eid mubarak to any of you who celebrate!
