like the first rule of cooking is to have fun and be yourself and the first rule of baking is to stay calm because the dough can sense fear

hey there

*hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my paws* *hits you with my-

we should criminalize ace trainers battling with their rhyperiors on the fucking I-40 when i'm trying to get to work on time. there is a goddamn BLISSEY on the road

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🎆 faerie-type Follow

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🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

dear jirachi please send me 1,000,000,000p ^_^ (brink of tears)

🎡 so-fucking-wurmple Follow

GUYS GUYS THIS POST WAS A JOKE

I JUST GOT A CALL FROM MY MOM AND SAHHLJBGF[L;DLKJLFGDI SHE SENT ME A FREE SUPER POTION

THIS POST WORKS

🏖 hoennianblues Follow

Always reblog Lucky Jirachi Post

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🌖 solgayleo Follow

i just saw another Youngster throwing a pokéball into the water and it completely missed and he didn't even bother to scoop up the broken pieces. i'm so fucking disappointed with this generation see this is why lapras are so endangered because they keep fuckin Literally Choking On Net Balls that you don't bother to clean up. this is one of the most bueatiful shores in the world and there are only 40 lapras left IN EXISTENCE and one washed up just last week please please please STOP SURFING and STOP BATTLING on the ocean

🏞 hurdurrgurdurr Follow

THIS!!!!! ^^^^ SIGNAL BEAM

💽 adultyoungster Follow

if you dont rb this post lets just say we're making eye contact

🛳 hmmmmsurf Follow

Wait what is op talking about? Lapras officially stopped being endangered back in 2016 and are actually an overeffective predator that are driving gastrodon populations almost to extinction in some parts of alola. This is actually just blatant misinformation? I guess??

🥘 malasada-mercy Follow

I gained a net 0 amount of information from this post 😭

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🦠 sh1nyd3x Follow

need

🕰 omega-evolution Follow

"this is my beautiful baby his name is #00FF0E"

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🪁 macrobyke Follow

can we please normalize battling people without making eye contact. "oh oh oh its polite to warn people before you battle them!!!!" L + ratio + skill issue + never let em know your next move + dragonite use hyper beam

I'm not "treating you like a dog" I would never hurt a real dog like this lmao

tumblr media criticism

One thing about me is that I will never guess who the sick one is at the begging of a house MD episode. I am always deeply shocked. I see the red herring and I go “awwww pretty fishie! What illness do you have?” And then some one starts spewing bees out of their ass and I’m like “how could I have known this would happen????”.

robot/AI tropes I’m down bad for:

i’m only on reddit for r/Kevin

This thread under the post is the funniest thing I've seen today

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

The spiritual successor to Miette

Might I also add

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

Can haz snackytreat

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Source

This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!

you’re absolutely correct it was

Hell yeah

World Heritage Post

i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado

*in a rap battle* i wonder who your mother could have been if she never had you

I never thought I would live to see a "your mom" joke that doesn't degrade their mom.

I hate watching Internet horror because it results in my recommendations being filled with "analysis" videos (actually just a plot summary) with thumbnails that look like this:

"this is who you're asking to work 40 hour work weeks. this is me." & it's like a professionally done linkedin headshot

do you think prev is older or younger than you?