Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!

Happy Leland Melvin Day!!!

"I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy" nah fuck that I would. Actually if I could choose to have any superpower, I'd want the power to make people feel whatever I've felt at any point of my life, at my choice. Someone mildly inconveniences me, I'm letting them have 30 minutes of being five years old and trying to learn how to cry silently because you know nobody's coming to help you and if someone hears you, they're coming to make it worse. Fuck you and your eyebrows.

Hey you all know about that fungus that possesses ants to make them climb on the tip of grass blades in hopes of getting eaten by a cow, so that the fungus can continue its life cycle in the cow's guts? Because I think that's the kind of thing that's wrong with cave divers.

We don't know what's down there. We don't know what's gotten into their heads that makes them so determined to physically, personally go down there to find out. But I wouldn't entirely dismiss the possibility that whatever has gotten into them is very invested in getting eaten by whatever is down there.

Once you start thinking about humans as a species in a biome, it affects your entire way of looking at normal things.

The other day I referred to female morning joggers as an 'indicator species' in that if you see women jogging in the dark it means that the environment provides migration pathways (sidewalks, clear signs) and doesn't have any known predators of female morning joggers (guy with knife, bear, BigTruck, male morning joggers).

Though, I think that people consider framing humans as animals reacting to their environment as rude.

[cheerfully] i've been in self-made hells worse than this

i was born in the downloads folder all alone with only a readme file to my name

ATTENTION

Thank you.

That’s his pussy lips

Had a dream last night that i was a knight and this bigger scarier knight had me on the ground and right before he swung his sword at my neck he said smth like "i mourn the loss of life for the tree who will become your coffin" which shouldnt have turned me on like it did but alas

i had a dream i worked in an underwater restaurant and people kept ordering ice in their drinks and then getting mad at me when it would float away. and i’d tell them beforehand that the ice would float away & they’d be like lol no that’s not how it works just give me the ice. I’m fighting customer service battles never seen before

this is so cute it healed me instantly

lets ignore that i forgot his tats the first time and instead focus on how much of a dudebro fuckboy he is

*LOUD THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE*

my daughter Divorce Lawyer is not doing well socially