the word concise isn't in my vocabulary

happy testosterone wednesday ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥

update: got so scared i almost passed out 👍

tbh no april fools gag tumblr ever pulls will ever be as good as the lizard election of 2016 staff put more effort into that than the rest of this website combined and it shows

for those of you who werent here in 2016 on april fools that year the entire fucking website was transformed and there was an election for a position that wasnt even ever specified and the candidates were four lizards (or three lizards and a salamander as a scandal would later prove) and it was called decision2016

each lizard had their own 3d models and tumblr blog and campaign and there was also a tumblr blog dedicated to reporting on the election and they made like whole ass news broadcasts with a guy in front of a green screen

you could vote for your favorite candidate and there was a built-in function that let you make and post a campaign poster

in case anyone was wondering the winner of the election was mop. relatable and reliable. #Mop Could

lest we forget

This was absolutely the biggest April Fools effort I ever witnessed while on staff. I already posted about this in an ask but here’s more of the shit that went down behind the scenes.

- Like all April Fools, this was done entirely through volunteer work on Staff. No one was forced to work on April Fools, it’s always employee-initiated and driven, even if it needs approval from leadership.

- The prank almost didn’t go through because leadership felt that the lizards weren’t relatable enough, so the compromise was to give them hats.

- The video updates on the Decision 2016 blog were greenscreen Fiverr actors that were all recorded months? Weeks? in advance? I wasn’t on creative so I don’t know all the deets about how those were made.

- As mentioned in my post, the victory speech by Mop was one of our designers screaming as loud as she could in a closet near the end of the day. The full audio was never posted but staff kept passing around the scream on slack and laughing about it for months afterwards

- There was a “war room” dedicated to advancing the election narrative as votes came in, posting updates in real time and also pushing changes to code as necessary (for bug fixes and what not)

- The votes were real and the “election” was decided by real users, even if the graphics and whatnot were exaggerated for comical effect. Mop won because Mop won. Democracy at work

- Someone brought in their own lizard to celebrate the proceedings. It was a bearded dragon

- This was the culmination of what was probably the most cohesive and imaginative (and largest) creative team Tumblr ever had. Unfortunately almost all of them are now long gone, and Tumblr Creative is now just a skeleton crew compared to their peak

- Wretched Tooth Doesn’t Like To Talk About Himself

- People drew porn of the lizards and posted it on Tumblr. Staff saw it and were sending it to each other on the company Slack. We thought it was great. I mean, terrifying, but great

- This picture of David Karp is my favorite photo of David Karp I have on my phone

Swedish has the delightfully opaque expression “skita I det blå skåpet”, literally “to shit in the blue cabinet”, meaning to badly screw something up.

I submit “and now we all have to live in a blender” as a similarly specific English expression of horror at how badly something has gone.

^^^ I'm using both of these phrases for the rest of my life now.

i actually know this one! in places where it’s cold as hell, such as sweden, before indoor plumbing, you could have a specific cabinet to store the chamber pot in, so you didn’t have it just stinking up the place under the bed or whatever until you threw out the next day. 

however, at night, or if you were drunk, or whatever, by mistake, another cabinet might be opened, like the nicely painted cabinet for the dishes, and you would have shit in the blue cabinet, and you would have badly screwed something up. 

anyway i love this phrase. 

I like when people like a character so way too much that it transcends even self shipping or kinning and becomes more of a patron saint that you pray to type of deal

the self-indulgent fanfiction will continue until morale improves

The self-indulgent fanficiton will also continue after morale improves, just with better morale.

please stop writing "viscous" when you mean "vicious", it produces the weirdest mental images ever

"a viscous murder" yeah i don't want to know what that could look like

it looks like the Boston Molassacre of 1919

#and vice versa btw#i don’t know what a vicious fluid would be like#and i don’t want to find out

it looks like the Boston Molassacre of 1919

one of my favorite things about hellsitegenetics has to be when a gimmick-gimmick blog (think gimmick-thief, gimmickchanger, etc) tries to steal the BLAST bit and just goes "nevermind i have no fucking idea how this even works"

String identified: at tg at tgtc a t a gc-gc g (t gc-t, gccag, tc) t t ta t AT t a t g " a cg a t "

Closest match: Apamea sordens genome assembly, chromosome: 6 Common name: Rustic Shoulder-Knot

(image source)

Art block goes crazy amirite 😛

i think a loving thing u can do for yourself before a solo trip is to have a line item in ur budget, as critical and untouchable as Plane Tickets and Lodging, called Stupid. this money cannot be used for anything other than bailing u out of stupid situations

sometimes the Stupid moments are obvious like “my designated in-bag phone charger™️ is missing and my phone’s dying” or “i can’t find the goddamn bus stop it’s getting really late”, but sometimes they’re small like “huh the food at this bar i wanted to go to is pretty expensive”. the temptation to do the risky but cheap thing (walking around with a dead phone, getting lost, drinking on an empty stomach) over the expensive but safe thing (buy another charger at the closest shop, call a cab, pay too much for some mid-ass chicken gyozas bc though you do want to try the signature local beer it’s been a minute since you ate anything) is mitigated. it’s fine, u can assure yourself. take it out of the Stupid Budget

YES HI I CAN SEE YOUR "RETURN TO THE TOP OF PAGE" BUTTON JUST FINE THANK YOU

If you only had a device that could make it just a bit more visible

There is still good stuff on Facebook

weedy sea dragons! I saw some at the aquarium this week and i had to draw them, I love their shapes!

looked at this and freaked out because I noticed that it said “petrolatum” and not “petroleum”.

My whole life I thought that it was some weird byproduct of the oil industry, and I never questioned that belief.

I suddenly remembered every time I had called it “petroleum jelly” and thought that I must’ve looked like a massive idiot.

Anyway, anything that enters my brain is immediately converted into the action of pulling up a Wikipedia article, and as it turns out, it actually is called “petroleum jelly” (which consists of white petrolatum) and is a weird byproduct of the oil industry

lord give you the strength to read the rest of the post 🙏

Liar.

i am going to lose it