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Itzy Bitzy

@itty-bitty-bitzy / itty-bitty-bitzy.tumblr.com

Bitzy. She/her. Hi.

One of my favourite Ollie experiences is every other pay check or so when I go to the pet store I pick up a handful of new toys and bring them home for him and call him over and as I unpack them one by one I immediately know which ones are his favourites because he’ll delicately pick them up in his little baby mouth and trot to his play area by the door and all I’ll hear for the next hour is jingle jingle jingle or crinkling or his nails scrabbling on the floor I love him so much guys I love this lil man. I just saw him pass my door dragging his new feather wand by the tuft with his tail straight up in the air. What an absolute baby man. Oh god Im crying again

Son Boy’s 10 favourite possessions, in order:

  1. Green rubber bell ball with feather. First toy he ever carried upstairs when he was but bagel-sized. Likes to bite the feather tail and whip it across the room so he can chase it
  2. Ball tower. Will lay on his side on the floor and use all four paws to smack the balls trapped in it just to watch them spin. 10/10 extremely cute
  3. Feather wand. Will drag it around even when he has nobody to wave it for him. Is in fact curled up on his blanky snorfing at it right as we speak
  4. Blanky. A soft plush blanket I bought on sale from some bougie home decor place with a gift card four years ago that I wound up using as his baby blanket when he first came home. Likes to make biscuits on it and suck on the corners. Favourite nap blanket. Will accept no substitute
  5. Moppy ball. A tasseled microfiber ball that he can pick up with his mouth and carry around.
  6. Automatic feather tower. Retracts and spins a feather toy, popping it out of various little doors like a wack-a-mole game. Will smack so so much
  7. Rechargeable rolling ball. Rolls by itself and flashes with rainbow lights. Occasionally gets stuck on rugs or under the couch so mid tier tbh
  8. My fridge. Not a toy but he runs inside the veggie crisper every time I open the door and cries so sadly when I try to scoop him out.
  9. Any water fixture. Doesn't mind getting a bit damp but would prefer not to swim, okay with falling in on occasion. Loves to drink from drippy faucets or roll in the tub. Will stare at a leaky faucet for several minutes at a time. Has fallen into the toilet more than once. Loves watching rain but hates being in it.
  10. Treat kong. Brand new toy but seems to be a winner. Fill with pet-grade fish paste and let him smack around

Ollie was sucking his blanket again earlier and I couldn’t get a clear picture cause his little baby hands were making biscuits at Mach Fuck

do not. respond to my doylist criticism with a watsonian explanation.

(to translate: Do not respond to my criticism about how the artist wrote/designed the work by explaining the in-universe explanation for it. The author chose the rules that made that explanation happen; they are not bound by these laws.)

Man: What’s a matter girl, you had a little bit too much corn?

Pig: *very long disgruntled groan which rises in pitch*

Man: Is that a yeah?

Pig: *shorter groan*

Man: Okay.  Here I come, I gotta get the intoxicated pig… Look at this pig…

Pig: *quiet snort*

Man: Hey!

Pig: *snort*

Man: Are you messed up, girl?  

Pig: *short snort*

Man: Never seen a damn pig… Look at that, that one here’s fine, that one there is fine, this one here is turned belly up 

Pig: *snort snort snort snort*

Man: Hey you

Pig: *snort*

Man: Whoa!  Whoa!  Shit!  [Unintelligible] HOWH!  Come here girl! 

Pig: *grunt grunt grunt*

Man: Holy hell, fuck…I didn’t mean to do that

“Whoa! Woah! Shit The Bed Almighty!” Is my new favorite expletive

and if anyone’s wondering, the man (from Cecilia, Kentucky, USA) had emptied a broken deer feeder full of accidentally fermented corn into a field where no animals were supposed to be. the pigs broke out of their pen, got into the corn, and the one you see here seriously overindulged

they observed her overnight and got Animal Control to do a check-up on her. she’s fine

so yes, you you can enjoy the video without worrying about Drunk Pig

So glad to hear she’s just drunk off her… whatever you call a pig ass. Haunches?

The real reason that genius detective characters in fiction change authors and actors so often is that without periodic hard resets, they eventually start figuring out that they're fictional characters. It's the metafictional equivalent of cycling an AI to prevent it from going rogue. For many years it was believed that killing them off in a suitably dramatic "final case" would indefinitely suspend the process, but this was later determined not to be fully reliable – as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle learned, to his regret.

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