Jegulus Microfic - neutral
Coming out
Regulus had known from an early age. Well, he hadn't known know -he didn't understand exactly what it meant or all that it would entail, but he knew. He didn't go around debating it in his mind. He didn't have to 'figure it out'. He just knew. His knowledge about at it grew with him, but it was always there.
As a kid, before he learned how the world worked, he didn't care. why would he? It's not like he thought it was wrong. At that point he didn't even know that this was something other people considered to be wrong.
Thankfully, he didn't talk much about it as a kid, -though he didn't talk much at all- so no one around him knew. After he learned what other people thought, what his own family thought, he was very thankful that no one knew. He had intended to keep it like that for the rest of his life.
The knowledge soon became a burden. He wished that he didn't know, that he wasn't so sure. He still tried to hope that it would change someday, that he just might be able to... but deep down he knew. He wished that he had the ability to hope.
When his friends spoke about relationships, and girls, Regulus tried to stay neutral about it. It didn't take long for him to realise that he couldn't ignore it, that he had to pretend. So he told them that there was indeed a girl whom he liked, but refused to say who it was.
His lies soon grew, when they asked further questions. What did she look like? Had they kissed? Did she like him back?
He said that she was a brunette, with warm eyes and round glasses. That they hadn't kissed, and that there were no way that she liked him back.
Well, what is she like then? Have you even talked to her?
Regulus said that she was kind, very kind, funny, and that she was in the year above them. He said that he had talked to her only a little bit.
Barty and Evan bombarded him constantly with guesses of who it was, but Regulus never said anything. He neither confirmed nor denied.
The years went on, and his friends moved through girlfriends. He didn't. When they asked him about it, he said that he still liked the same girl as before.
They told him that he should go after her. Or that he should find someone else, since it clearly didn't work.
He pondered the idea, -of finding a someone to 'fake-like'- But he couldn't bring himself to do it.
HIs final straw was when his brother, after having barely even spoken to him the whole school year, came strotting into his room during the summer break after Regulus fifth year. Apparently, he found the idea of pestering Regulus about girls, funny.
Regulus did not find it funny.
He thought that he would be free of lying about girls during the summer, but no, first his mother started mentioning him COURTING someone, and then Sirius.
"C'mon Reggie, you can tell me!" Sirius had said. "Or are you too embarrassed? Maybe i can give you some tips if you're having trouble with the ladies."
(Which, gross. -Regulus didn't want to hear that)
"I don't want any fucking ladies!" Regulus had finally roared out.
"Merlin, fine - sensitive subject." Sirius had said, starting to turn away to leave.
It was the first time he had said that to anyone. It was the first time he even said it out loud. Sirius hadn't even understood what he had meant, but regulus still felt all the blood draining from his face as he realised what he had said.
He felt faint, and he couldn't breath. A sob escaped Regulus' mouth, which stopped Sirius in his tracks.
Regulus sat completely still on his bed, hands covering his face, covering the tears that had started falling from his eyes. He was thankful that he couldn't see his brother's reaction. He should probably obliviate sirius. if only he knew how to.
He didn't expect the bed to dip next to him. Sirius had taken a seat next to him. As close as possible without touching him, Sirius knew that Regulus didn't really like touch. But when regulus looked up to his brother's face, and didn't see any disappointment, or disgust, he leaned towards Sirius, meeting him in a hug.
They embraced each other for awhile, not saying anything, waiting for Regulus to calm down.
When he finally had managed to stop crying, he leaned back from their hug. Starting to wipe away any remaining tears on his face.
"So." Sirius said. "You fancy blokes then?"
His tone was neutral. Non-judging and non-condescending, but regulus still couldn't face his brother when he nodded his answer.
"That's alright." Sirius said, and threw an arm across Regulus' shoulders. "Anyone in particular?"
There was a certain face that immediately showed itself in regulus' mind. It was something he'd barely admitted to himself, and the thought of telling Sirius was mortifying.
"Not really." He finally replied.
"Okay." Sirius said, still softly. He huffed a laugh, "I kinda always thought that you had a crush on James when we were younger."
Regulus looked at him, eyes wide, and his mouth more or less on the floor. That probably wasn't the reaction Sirius was expecting, because he raised his eyebrows with a questioning look.
Regulus Black fancied James Potter.