Pinned
replaying edith finch 7 1/2 years after i first did when i was barely a teenager is such a profound experience that i have to wonder if anyone working on it considered that this fictional journal could become more real in someone's life than it is to the young finch reading it within the story. all i've ever been able to think about for the past 9 months is why i haven't died yet; everything else is explicitly a distraction from this and nothing more. the self-fulfilling prophecy of my mildly annoying tragic suicide falling flat has only reinforced itself tenfold but when lewis imagines the non canned peach food he'd love to enjoy i still give into the tears and sob into the plush shark that has been my only source of warmth since i've been conscious. life is so incomprehensibly beautiful that giving it even a passing thought is enough to break down my stupid roger waters triple layered brick fortress but i want nothing more than for it to end quickly. tonight. painfully if necessary, as long as it's now. it's not that i don't want to live a life, i don't want to live this life or any life accessible from this one. there are so many wonderful moments i've experienced with myself and the world that exists only theoretically in my head and will always be theoretical because they're too perfect to exist outside of the undocumented fiction created and destroyed immediately afterwards inside my brain. it only ever lasts a couple seconds but it feels like even less when i get ripped back into the reality that the cars are loud and my feet hurt and the camera in my tote bag is uncomfortably heavy on my shoulder and it's always hot in california and that's all that being alive is. i'm chopping off fish heads all day. how much longer do i have. i wish it weren't up to me
Reblogged yellbug
Reblogged 637461221bunnies
6 has three 2's which is a good amount but of a relatively smaller number, whereas 6 has two 3's, which is fewer, but 3 is a bigger number, so it really comes to about the same. so youve got options
Reblogged jubileeeeeej
hello 🐙
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everything i make now is rote and i can tell but i also can't just will that part of my brain back into existence. the new stuff isnt beautiful because it wasn't created with my view of beauty in mind. everything before then was taken because i saw with my eyes a beautiful sight and wanted to share it with people even if people amounted only to myself in the future. everything i take now is because i saw a Bird and that means you're supposed to take a picture, pantomiming the thing that used to dispense joy and expecting the same outcome. that doesn't mean they're irredeemable pieces that nobody likes, they just don't mean anything to me. i wonder if anyone else would be able to spot this difference but i'd assume not because this is ultimately a personal issue not an artistic one
it's no good anymore it's no good. i can't will it back into existence
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I say writing is awful because it's work and I already work too much but I wouldn't be writing any faster if I were unemployed tbh so it's fine
what pisses me off isn't even being unproductive bc I don't care abt that, it's that I actually think this story is really good and I hate to know that there could be a world where I die without having told it
people need to read this. there's at least 30 people in the world who need to be changed by what I have to say
Reblogged sheetz
everything i make now is rote and i can tell but i also can't just will that part of my brain back into existence. the new stuff isnt beautiful because it wasn't created with my view of beauty in mind. everything before then was taken because i saw with my eyes a beautiful sight and wanted to share it with people even if people amounted only to myself in the future. everything i take now is because i saw a Bird and that means you're supposed to take a picture, pantomiming the thing that used to dispense joy and expecting the same outcome. that doesn't mean they're irredeemable pieces that nobody likes, they just don't mean anything to me. i wonder if anyone else would be able to spot this difference but i'd assume not because this is ultimately a personal issue not an artistic one
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had a thought that went something like "i still take pictures but i'm not a photographer anymore. i lost that ability maybe one and a half years ago" but that makes me wonder when *did* i lose it. like was there a particular event. i can think of some possibilities let me look through my photos and see if there's
oh yeah there's a line so clear to me i didn't even need to draw it and i know exactly what happened on that border. weirdly enough it wasn't losing my only social circle because that was in january and i ended up with some pictures i quite liked in february. i won't get into what happened but it did involve watching up to but not including the finale of season 3 of house md
like wow this isn't even that great but compared to whatever shit ive churned out this past year it's actually Something I Made
had a thought that went something like "i still take pictures but i'm not a photographer anymore. i lost that ability maybe one and a half years ago" but that makes me wonder when *did* i lose it. like was there a particular event. i can think of some possibilities let me look through my photos and see if there's
oh yeah there's a line so clear to me i didn't even need to draw it and i know exactly what happened on that border. weirdly enough it wasn't losing my only social circle because that was in january and i ended up with some pictures i quite liked in february. i won't get into what happened but it did involve watching up to but not including the finale of season 3 of house md
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what kinds of things could you experience and comprehend if you let down your defenses? what kinds of powerful secrets could you access when you allow yourself to engage earnestly with the world, unguarded by the arrogant distance of irony and flippancy? what could you feel if you allowed yourself the chance to be totally vulnerable to it?
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Anonymous asked:
how do you figure if you're plural or not? I feel like I'm probably not, but I'd like to know what you generally think are good signs to indicate that you're a system
i think a better question to ask is, would it bring you joy or fulfillment to conceptualize yourself as plural? if the answer is yes why not try it out and see how it feels. if the answer is no, that's fine, you can always come back to it. like, who's going to be hurt by you calling yourself three girls online? sysmeds are stupid as hell and that's not actually going to cause anyone problems. the world has real issues in it and people have war in their countries, yk? like allow yourself the self-compassion to feel entitled to experimenting with your identity a little. if you're wrong then like, who gives a shit? you can figure that out later too. also there's no such thing as a person's like, "essential" or "core" character anyways, human beings, like all things in this universe mediated by contradiction, are processes in constant states of flux, and who change and shift and can profoundly remake themselves moment to moment. you can be whatever you want. go ham!
anyways, the short answer is "does it feel good to be plural? that's probably a sign you're plural. and if not who cares. the stakes are incredibly low and you should be allowed to do whatever you want with how you conceptualize your own psychoscape."
