"There's no hope for the future." And that's how they felt during the Atomic Age, during the World Wars, during the Enlightenment Revolutions, during thr plagues, during the Viking raids, during the fall of Rome.

Yet, we persisted.

CS Lewis had something to say about this

Along that line of questioning, what's the big deal with this Goblin Emperor book everyone talks about? Should I read it, and if so, why?

A review that is accurate and yet doesn’t capture the books charms.

I adore it and reread it often. If you aren’t a fan of fantasy or court intrigue or slow burn build up…it might not be to your taste.

I love it wholeheartedly. Very endearing characters. And a good audiobook too.

Also I yearn to adapt it into a mo-cap movie so you could properly have the very expressive pointy elven ears as described in the novel.

I'm not gonna lie to you I absolutely love fantasy, slow burn build up, and court intrigue (case in point I am currently rereading The Queen's Thief for the billionth time) so this sounds like it would DEFINITELY appeal to me! I shall have to investigate it

i think ultimately you do really have to kill that part of your brain that vividly imagines how you would redo parts of your life.

Lords and Ladies - Terry Pratchett

An Incomplete Yet Somewhat Sufficient Guide to Writing Fiction Based in the UK

As many of you know, I am an American who lives and studies in London. I thought I’d make a little general rules list about aspects of UK culture which I feel are misrepresented quite often when I read fiction written by someone who’s never experienced life here. So here it goes, every American fiction writers’ incomplete yet somewhat sufficient guide to writing fiction based in the UK.

This is a really short list and I’ve probably barely even made a DENT so if anyone else has something to add, please do so! And please reblog this to boost it to your followers! Thank you my pals, have a good day, and KEEP WRITING! 

- The drinking in a fic is how I tend to know if the author is a Brit (or Irish/European) or not. 

- Cards nowadays are mostly contactless and don’t even need you to enter a pin if the amount is under 25 quid. Also, keep in mind that if you’re writing fic set in late 90s-early 00s, then signing the receipt was what we did back then when paying by card.

- The ‘alright’ confused me so much when I first moved to the UK. I kept worrying I looked ill. 

- Houses in the south tend to be painted in bright colours (well, at least Brighton and Portsmouth where I lived). Midlands and North it’s mostly brick. Living in a detached house means you earn good money. Semi-detached is usually affordable by a couple with two decent salaries.

- Accents are everything. They reveal where you were raised as well as your class. People will comment on or otherwise make note of your accent. In the first episode of Misfits, the very first thing the characters do when they meet each other is to talk/take the piss off the others’ accent.

- There’s a twitter account which tweets things overheard in Waitrose. 

This is incredibly helpful to this American girl that can only dream of an English immersion.

I’m guilty of just throwing a Tesco in there. LOL.

Okay, I have a funny story which, if you’ve been around a bit, you may already know. So, I’m not sure who first started the ‘denims’ craze a few years ago, and in all honesty it might have been me??? Anyway, for whatever reason I/other people thought that Brits called ‘jeans’ ‘denims’ and started calling jeans denims in everything we wrote. Well, some Brit writers (birdsofshore was one of them and could corroborate this if she were on tumblr) saw it and thought, “Oh, I guess Americans call ‘jeans’ ‘denims’. So that they understand, I’d better call them that too,” and then up and started writing denims as well, further feeding into the idea that denims was indeed correct! When in actuality WE ALL SAY JEANS. So in HP fandom in particular, around 2012-2014-ish, there will be a shitload of fics by several people, even some Brit writers, calling jeans denims for really no good reason. If you’re new to HP fandom and reading a lot in that era, just know: We were all wrong and have since stopped the denims madness. Sorry about that. ;P LOL!

The last bit there is linguistic gold. Somehow British fanfic writers became confused enough by American fanfic writers (writing fic set in Britain) to start regularly using a word that Brits never actually use. I’m dying.

(But I thought it was your word! But I thought it was yours!)

The education system has changed since this was written - after GCSEs, you’re required to stay in fulltime education until you’re eighteen, but you can do an apprenticeship for this.

GCSEs are run on the 9-1 system, which no one really understands yet. I’ve had people tell me they hope I get a 1, which would be the worst possible marks. If you get a 3 or lower in maths and English, you have to resit the exam. There are rumours of a 10 being possible within 5 years and everyone hates that. I’m taking 11, but I have friends doing 9 and friends doing 13.

9=A**

8=A*

7=A

6=B

5=C

4=D

Also, my school expects 4 A levels (3 if you have a really good reason, usually only offered to people who did their GCSEs there; 5 if one of them’s PE or EPQ) so it’s getting more difficult.

I live in Northern Ireland and want to point out the differences in schools. In N.I. we have Grammar schools and a test for 10/11 year-olds. My school needed a minimum 95 points out of a total (I think) 132 points to get in.

Schools in England use regions. So if you live just outside the good school’s territory, then you can’t go it to. Many people in England buy apartments that they don’t use, just to get their kids to go to the good schools. (it’s quite a big issue actually). And they don’t have grammar schools.

If your characters have different accents, they mightn’t understand each other. When I talk to people with a strong Belfast accent, I have no clue what they’re saying. And we’re from the same country.

You can say footpath instead of pavement. I don’t think anyone said this: One pound = a quid. 10 pound note is a tenner, 5 pound note is a fiver but a 20 pound note is not a twenty-er. Pretty much everyone says banter (i.e a good time) “It was great banter”. in N.I. we also say craic (said like crack) which means the pretty much the same thing, but you can also say “What’s the craic?” to mean, “What’s up?”

If you’re writing parents talking to their kids about exams, the kids will say “A-Levels” the parent will call them “O-Levels” because the system changed.

My school only let people with 20(ish) points at GCSE do four A-levels and you needs 12 points to get back in at A-Level. To get back for the second year we needed at least 3 Cs.

In reference to OP’s school names, I have never heard anyone say fucking “infant school”. We say “Nursery School” or “Nursery” for short.

I can be in a different country in 3 hours by driving and 45 minutes by flying. Because everything is closer together, unless your character is travelling from the country to London, their daily commute won’t take longer than half an hour. My commute to school takes 30 minutes depending on traffic and the bus driver. Driving to London can and will take at least an hour. Maybe even longer.

We make up words. In Northern Ireland, a normal conversation could include: “Oi, where’re youse’uns going?” which translates as: “Hey where are you lot going?” Youse is plural of you and “uns” is “ones”. Idk why we put “uns” on the end, but we do. Scotland does similar stuff, but I don’t know enough about their slang.

Finally, in Britain we are “ruder”. We call each other fuckers and wankers and pricks. The Scottish are more creative and brutal than England and Wales, Northern Ireland is on par with Scotland, and Ireland is in the middle.

Oh good shout! Also slightly less relevant but to add on to the points about regional accents, usually people will have different accents from their friends or peers. This is mainly because whilst regional accents are the most distinct from each other, towns (even if they’re only like 20 miles away) also have differences in accent.

For example my school is bang in the middle of a small village town. As such a fair amount of the people there speak in what we’d deem today as ‘standard english’. However that being said, around said village is a ton of poorer, larger towns which often sound more ‘chavy’ (a common slang term for working class).

Moreover, individual schools will have their own slang attached to it so don’t be afraid to make up some slang and dot that on on top of general british slang. For example, for 5 years at secondary I went to a school in a large town - accent wise it was common to drop the ‘t’s’ and ‘g’s’ so I find myself doing that a lot and slang wise we’d have little dumb things like ‘ladies drop your weapons’ to signify a slut drop (don’t ask me why I just went along with it). Whereas at the school I’m at now that I moved to for sixth form, obviously as said before it’s in a different place so not only are the accents different (e.g out of pretty much all my friends and classes I’m often deemed to speak the most ‘chavy’) but the slang is different so if I don’t like something I find myself saying it’s ‘wack’ whereas before I’d have said ‘its peak’ or something like that.

Lastly (before this gets too long), if you’re writing about a secondary school then your characters more than likely realistically going to come from different areas and therefore have a fake rivalry with each other. Eg if we take the village my school is in for example, let’s call it W, then popular jest is that it’s posh and snobby. Whereas if we take the town I live in ® then it’s often said that it’s full of druggies and crime. That’s not to say it is of course, there’s this other town that everyone claims is inbreed and obvs isn’t but that rivalry is still there. So to add to realism I’d recommend either world building the towns around your characters or learning the views put on the towns. :)

All of this but with a few corrections: in England we DO have grammar schools, they’re just very rare and pretty much confined to a small region in Southeast England. 

Also, when a British person talks about “Asians” (or British Asians), they mean people of South Asian descent (i.e. Indians, Pakistanis, etc), rather than East Asian descent like in the US and Australia. South Asians are the largest ethnic minority in Britain (5% of the UK’s population), whereas East Asians are incredibly rare over here (and tend to refer to themselves as “British Chinese” – there are even fewer people of Japanese or Korean descent here than there are (Hong Kong) Chinese, who make up 0.5% of the population). 

The acronym “BAME” gets used for non-white people over here, and stands for “Black, Asian, and Minority Ethnic”, where “Asian” means South Asian, and “Minority Ethnic” includes all other minority ethnicities – such as Chinese, Turkish, Middle Eastern, etc. Hispanic/Mexican/Latino people are so rare it’s unlikely you’ll meet any, even in the big cities. 

And yes, we are ruder. Like the Australians, it’s not unheard of to call someone a “cunt” in a joking way (although it’s usually used as an insult, and is not a gendered slur over here like it is in the US). 

London is very very racially diverse, but outside of the cities, the UK really isn’t. My husband grew up in a part of the English countryside that’s like 99% white (probably even 100% white). Whenever we visit, I am literally the only brown face there. 

Also, I feel like gay culture in London is quite different to what Tumblr often portrays LGBT culture as? Homophobia still exists, like it does everywhere, but in my experience, many gay and lesbian people in London are quite openly gay/lesbian – whether that’s out and about or at work or whatever. 

Foreign holidays are reasonably common. The vast majority of Brits will have been abroad (i.e. outside the UK) at least once in their lives, even if it’s just to Europe (and in Britain, we think of “Europe” as the mainland part of the continent where they don’t speak English as a first language. Americans tend to refer to Brits as “Europeans”, but we generally don’t tend to see ourselves as Europeans ourselves… although the Brexit vote in 2016 changed some of that in some people’s minds).

Also, social class is much, much, much more a thing over here than it is in many other (every other?) countries in the world. Social class in Britain is not just about wealth and aristocracy – although it used to be – but social class markers that people will pick up on (and immediately use to figure out which social class you belong to) will include your accent, what type of school you went to, what kind of food you eat, what kind of leisure hobbies you have, even down to how you dress. And yes, this even applies – to some extent – to those of us who are non-white or have immigrant parents.

technically we’re ALL, always LARPing, because the Self is only a construct,

I want a new character

Then make one.

Everyone talking about posts that changed their brain chemistry seem to be leaving out this classic, which probably propelled me into activism and more self confidence in a way that I cannot put into words.

Describing Terry Pratchett’s books is difficult. Someone asked me what the book I was reading was about, and I had to tell them it was about banking and the gold standard, but like in a cool way with golems and action. 

 I don’t think they believed me.

welcome to the club

It is so, so difficult to explain to people that your favorite book is about transgender feminist dwarves, Nazi werewolves, and the mystery of a missing piece of really old ritual bread. And Opera saves the day.

yes, give us those sweet, sweet, terrible descriptions

A tortoise who’s really a god, finds an allegory for Jesus and they go on adventures in an ancient greece like place and then a desert 

The chief of police averts a rerun of an ancient war, partially despite and partially because of being possessed by a dying dwarf’s graffiti

It’s like Les Miserables but Javert is the good guy and also there’s time travel.  

Macbeth but it’s about the witches

Chapter one, the protagonist is hanged. Then he’s put in charge of the post office. Yes, in that order.

it’s like mulan if there were way more mulans in mulan and also pratchett is extra irritated that too many people missed the point of jingo

The bureaucrats of the universe get annoyed at the paperwork humanity causes so they decide to steal Christmas.  Replacement Christmas is done by Death and replacement Death is done by goth Mary Poppins, who is also in charge of the investigation.

these are all nice and accurate reasons to read discworld if you haven’t yet

Romeo and Juliet football AU but the other team is wizards

Hollywood????

An entire clan of tattooed, hairy, kleptomaniac, alcoholic Scotsmen decide a little girl is their new best friend whether she wants to be or not and she rescues her absolutely worthless brother by discovering the power of selfishness.

@cosmictwobyfour

Someone is dying, journalism is being invented, and part of Pulp Fiction is going on in the background.

The universes burocrats want to measure everything so they pay a man to imprison time so everything will stop and they can measure things in peace. Goth mary Poppins saves the day, the fifth horseman of the apocalypse is the best Milkman in the world, and chocolate saves the day. Also someone was born twice.

Classic dynastic machinations are happening in fantasy China, to be completely overturned by a gang of elderly barbarian heroes and the world’s worst wizard and best sprinter

Death incarnate battles a shopping cart for the fate of the world.  

@grifalinas

Phantom of the Opera au, except there’s witches, a cookbook that is thinly-veiled pornography, and Christine is played by a fledgeling witch with multiple personalities who can’t stop being sensible long enough to enjoy herself

Hidden heir to the throne decides an cynical, alcoholic cop is the best role model in the world.

Atlantis provides an excuse for a xenophobia-inspired war between Britain and the Middle East but it’s fine because the armies are arrested for conspiracy to cause public nuisance.

the jfk assassination is parodied in the above.

Rain is brought to australia by a lousy wizzard who runs from dropbears, steals a sheep, and invents vegamite

(sigh)(smile) All of the above.

You can defeat Vampire Fascism with the powers of violence, your debilitating anxiety disorder, and a nice cup of tea

the pied piper is a racket being run by some talking mice and a cat but they accidentally invent socialism. then of course there are also the rat horrors

there’s a camel

a wizard who knows only one spell is menaced by some luggage. there’s a tourist.

And while the aforementioned terrible wizard is having an awful time in Fantasy Australia, his colleagues try to find him and accidentally invent sex and the platypus along the way.

Have you ever wondered about the poor people whose sole role in the narrative is to rush into the room when summoned and be slaughtered by the hero? THIS is their story. Also, it’s a million to one chance that they hit the voonerables.

Fairy Godmothers fight fairytale endings with the power of Logic. There is also a very sexy cat.

If trench warfare were made-up, it would be the most on-the-nose anti-war satire ever created. Bunch of young men shooting at each other from inside open graves, slowly rotting even as they fight to stay alive. Every so often, they get to move a few hundred metres to dig a new grave for themselves somewhere else and this is called a victory.

"Why does Group A deserve human rights if Group B doesn't have them?"

Both groups deserve human rights. That's how human rights work.

Anyone who convinces you to barter one group's rights against another is not interested in giving them to either group.

Once you start thinking about humans as a species in a biome, it affects your entire way of looking at normal things.

The other day I referred to female morning joggers as an 'indicator species' in that if you see women jogging in the dark it means that the environment provides migration pathways (sidewalks, clear signs) and doesn't have any known predators of female morning joggers (guy with knife, bear, BigTruck, male morning joggers).

Though, I think that people consider framing humans as animals reacting to their environment as rude.

i think a loving thing u can do for yourself before a solo trip is to have a line item in ur budget, as critical and untouchable as Plane Tickets and Lodging, called Stupid. this money cannot be used for anything other than bailing u out of stupid situations

sometimes the Stupid moments are obvious like “my designated in-bag phone charger™️ is missing and my phone’s dying” or “i can’t find the goddamn bus stop it’s getting really late”, but sometimes they’re small like “huh the food at this bar i wanted to go to is pretty expensive”. the temptation to do the risky but cheap thing (walking around with a dead phone, getting lost, drinking on an empty stomach) over the expensive but safe thing (buy another charger at the closest shop, call a cab, pay too much for some mid-ass chicken gyozas bc though you do want to try the signature local beer it’s been a minute since you ate anything) is mitigated. it’s fine, u can assure yourself. take it out of the Stupid Budget

HE BROKE THE RECORD

Senator Cory Booker just broke the all-time record for the longest Senate floor speech, speaking for over 24 hours without a pause (no food, no bathroom breaks, only water to drink) as a protest against Trump and Musk and what they're doing.

The previous record was set in 1957, when Strom Thurmond spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes protesting the Civil Rights Act.

Senator Booker has blown past that record, currently at 25 hours and still speaking as of 8 pm local time. Respect.

On one hand, it's great to see people learn how to unfuck their living spaces. On the other hand, that stuff like "frequently used articles should be stored near where they're used" and "trash receptacles should be placed near activities that generate trash" are being received as radical ideas points to a serious knowledge transmission problem.

Some people's parents get Really Weird about trash cans and practical items being where they can be seen, is part of the problem here

Source: currently a janitor at a church and you would not believe how many boomers get upset with me for insisting the trash cans need to be practical and easy to use instead of out of sight and too cute for functionality

including in the actual bathrooms

actually no sorry there's a list here

things people have told me are "tacky" and that I need to get rid of (they have lost many of these arguments because I'm a bitch, others are ongoing)

an umbrella stand by the door with spare umbrellas for parishioners to use

a table by the front door "because people keep putting things on it" (that was. Why that table was there)

the signs that directed people towards the bathrooms

the actual trash can in the bathroom "because surely we don't need one so big" (for the bathroom that services the fellowship hall, which hosts things like the local scout events, so yes we need one that's at least 20 gallon)

apparently it's also tacky if I write down when I changed things like batteries and air fresheners, on a calendar they'll never see unless they go into my office??

another table in another waystation type area because "people keep putting things on it" (even when it's completely clear)

signs we are legally required to post

What the fuck is wrong with people

#sort of tangientially related but:#i once worked on a wetland restoration project involving a new small lakeand one of the board members wanted#the life rings that we had to include#to have 'natural looking covers' disguising them to 'reduce visual impact and make them blend in'#and I had to gently explain that life saving equipment needs to stand out

Had to show these tags. The way some people think astounds me.

on ao3 like some of these doves aren't even wounded

#people used to be freaks #we used to be a country (@spikeface)

Okay but “dead dove do not eat” means “what you read on the bag is what is inside the bag”. The punchline to the reference is opening the bag that says “dead dove” and finding a dead dove, á là surprised pikachu. A fic tagged “Fuffy fuzzy bunny cuddles, dead dove do not eat” SHOULD NOT INDICATE DARK CONTENT. ONLY THAT THE FIC HAS BEEN TAGGED ACCURATE TO THE CONTENT.

We used to say “don’t like, don’t read”. Dead Dove is just an extension of that.

The author gave you a list of ingredients. The ingredients was “dead dove”. You cannot act shocked that there was dead dove. It was in the ingredients that the author told you

dead dove BY ITSELF doesn’t mean Jack all and I will DIE ON THE HILL OF RIGHTEOUS FURY

I wonder if people are focusing on the "do not eat" part, like thinking it means "this fic has content you Should Not Consume"