Avatar

It takes an awful lot of time to not write a book -Douglas Adams

@loopyhoopywrites / loopyhoopywrites.tumblr.com

Call me Loop, he/they. Follows back as 'loopyhoopyfrood'. Fantasy-comedy writer and amature artist. Main WIPs are The Last Damsel (#tld) and The Ex Quest (#teq), with an honorary shoutout to The Parent Trap (#tpt).

LLANEDD, a purposely-average elf with severe anxiety, TRICKSTER DEVILISH, the kingdom’s most wanted criminal and conartist, and MAR’GRET MERRYWEATHER, a kindly yet bloodthirsty old lady, inadvertently find themselves teaming up to defeat TEEK D’ARC, an evil wizard dead set on murdering the heir to the throne.

And when ‘murdering’ turns out to actually mean ‘doing an absolutely horrendous job of courting’, and it’s revealed that the not-so-evil-after-all Teek is actually PRINCE IAQC’s ex-boyfriend? Well.

What choice do the trio have but to descend into the surreal and terrifying DARKUNDER on a doomed Quest to reunite the pair of (ex) lovers?

Finally got internet sorted in the new house! Which means I *should* be working on phd stuff, but I *could* work on my merthur twilight fic...

Vague descriptions of the AF books

Artemis Fowl does not like lolipops

Artemis Fowl shoots his father off of a radioactive boat

Artemis Fowl cryogenically freezes his bodyguard

Artemis Fowl gets sprayed with troll hormones

Artemis Fowl rescues a prepubescent demon

Artemis Fowl manages to literally duplicate his problems while trying to fix them

ArtemisFowl.exe has stopped working

Artemis Fowl ressurects himself, from the grave

Using this to begin the process of converting my mutuals into the Artemis Fowl fandom

snppt sndy

:3c

Nat borrowed Quinn's Lexus Phantom for the party, and he’d never been in such a fancy car in his life.

“The seats are heated,” he said to Jen. “The seats are heated.”

“Yes,” she said.

“Heated.”

Nat was feeling good, happy—giddy, even—and not just because this car had a reversing camera. Quinn had gushed over him in his new suit and woven marigolds into his hair, and early that day he’d killed Eric Lochmond, the operations manager at Earth Vitality Organic. The file Quinn had given him had outlined Lochmond’s various crimes and moral failings, mainly the covering up of a toxic baby food scandal. Nat had poked about in some of his own research to confirm details.

Lochmond was worse than Caleb, and Nat figured he could draw the line somewhere around there. Better than Caleb or Caleb level—not appropriate food. Worse than Caleb—fair game. This seemed like a reasonable and not-at-all fallible system for sorting the entirely of society with every inch of nuance it required.

Jen was wearing a dark orange dress with a skirt that spilled multiple layers of ruffles down the car seat and onto the floor, and her hair was pinned back in an elaborate swirling style that looked incredibly precarious and made little sense to Nat, like some sort of optical illusion. Her jewellery glimmered in the city lights as Nat circled the block a third time. He’d planned parking ahead of time, but when he’d explained to Jen he’d found a good, cheap parking garage just a few blocks over, she’d pulled a face and insisted on street parking somewhere near the venue. Her heels were too high, she’d reasoned, and she didn’t want to get all hot and bothered walking. It was Friday night in the CBD, however, so Nat saw little chance of success.

“How about I drop you and then I’ll park?” he suggested. Then, immediately, “Wait, I’m your bodyguard. That’s a terrible idea.”

Cue more circling of the block. Eventually, Nat did get lucky. He hopped out of the driver’s seat and hurried over to Jen's door to open it for her.

“Nat, you don’t have to be so…” Jen stifled a laugh. “… chivalrous.”

“Sorry,” Nat said. “I’ve never been a bodyguard before.”

He wondered whether he should take Jen’s arm, whether that was appropriate bodyguard behaviour or too ‘chivalrous’. He went back and forth on this at least eight times before Jen decided for him. She linked her arm through his and started them walking towards the entrance to the Convention Centre. The buzz of conversation was already audible from inside.

Nat’s good mood was promptly quashed by nerves, and a wave of nausea overtook him. That was right—this was a party. He’d let himself get distracted by the joy of a nice car and the thrill of feeling important. Inside the Convention Centre were people, lots of people, and he’d be surrounded from every angle. Not only could someone kill him, not only could someone release an undead, shapeshifting horror from his corpse and set it loose inside a cramped space with very few exits—someone might try to engage him in a conversation.

If you want to write a dumb little story with a dumb little plot and ridiculously silly characters. No one's stopping you. Genuinely, no one should be allowed to stop you. Write that dumb story with your whole heart and don't hold back.

I know for a fact that my stepmother loves me.

I know it for a fact because the vaccine for the sleeping sickness came out when I was ten, and she cried. When she was a kid, parents would have Sleep Overs whenever someone caught it, in the hopes of spread it around - children were statistically more likely to be woken up by "True Love's Kiss" from a parent or family member, after all, whereas if you caught it when you were older, things got more complicated and if you were old, you might be the last one in your family left.

(There’s more to it than that, I know, I've tried reading the papers, but I barely passed biocurse with a C+, and don't even get me started on organic curses. Those two classes were enough to kill any hope I had of becoming a fairy godperson.)

So, when the vaccine against the sleeping sickness came out, my stepmother cried, and my father got me on the list right away; I wasn't high priority, after all; I was young, there wasn't an active outbreak in my school district, and I was otherwise healthy. But they put me on the backup list anyway, so if there was one, just one available, I could get it.

When the fairy godperson's office called, my dad was at work, but my stepmother bundled me up and drove there so fast I thought we were going to be pulled over. (Later, I found out that she'd gotten an automated ticket from one of the red light cameras, a fact that she hid from both me and my dad.) They called my dad, of course, and he left work, but he also gave the okay for my stepmother to be my medical proxy in case he was delayed.

Vaccines don't last forever, and it was decided that I would be given it without him there. At 100 minutes, my stepmother would try kissing my forehead, and if it didn't work, the office would set me up for the 100 hours it would take before my dad could try.

Magic can't be ignored, but it can be tricked.

It didn't matter. At 100 minutes post-vaccine, my stepmother kissed my forehead and I woke up.

So. I know she loves me.

Me: You know, I'd really like to get back into writing fanfiction.

My brain: Have you considered this pairing from this tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago, that you're not even sure you ship?

Me: Hmm, maybe not...

My brain: How about if you rewrote Twilight but made it Merthur?

Me:

(Image ID: a screenshot of a word document, on which is typed, in a similar font to the Twilight books, 'MERLIN HAD NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW HE WOULD DIE.' End ID.)

...I'm having far too much fun with this

(Text below cut)

Debating setting it in Wales just so I can make this joke

Plain text:

"But I've seen you in the sun!"

"We're in Wales, Merlin. You've never seen the sun."

Me: You know, I'd really like to get back into writing fanfiction.

My brain: Have you considered this pairing from this tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago, that you're not even sure you ship?

Me: Hmm, maybe not...

My brain: How about if you rewrote Twilight but made it Merthur?

Me:

(Image ID: a screenshot of a word document, on which is typed, in a similar font to the Twilight books, 'MERLIN HAD NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW HE WOULD DIE.' End ID.)

...I'm having far too much fun with this

(Text below cut)

Me: You know, I'd really like to get back into writing fanfiction.

My brain: Have you considered this pairing from this tv show that stopped airing 20 years ago, that you're not even sure you ship?

Me: Hmm, maybe not...

My brain: How about if you rewrote Twilight but made it Merthur?

Me:

(Image ID: a screenshot of a word document, on which is typed, in a similar font to the Twilight books, 'MERLIN HAD NEVER GIVEN MUCH THOUGHT TO HOW HE WOULD DIE.' End ID.)

You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.