just a raccoon

Take me away, soft Norwegian travel butch

HAPPY IDES OF MARCH!

little miss awful body temperature regulation is taking his hoodie off again

little miss awful body temperature regulation has put his hoodie back on

awful back body has his hoodie little miss on put regulation temperature

stop that put my words back normal style

🐌✨ get snailed! 🐌✨

snop snat snut my snords back snormal snyle

i'll fucking do it you son of a bitch snop snat right now

what if your doppelgänger wasn’t evil it was just a person. what if your doppelgänger wasn’t trying to replace you it was just trying to learn to be a person and you were the best model it had. what if your doppelgänger looked at you with your eyes and said with your voice that it just wanted to be loved. what then.

that is horror of a different kind

Dude my coworker left a scrumptious cookie unattended

Uh, your honor? I scrumped it

genuine 3/10 bait ask. You should have ended it with “And you are a scrump pervert.” Or something of the like. There’s no punchline.and I didn’t even scrump it your honor

Can’t fucking win

inside every man are two wolves and one of them is a tech geek

I feel lucky that my pet became a meme that was not adopted and used by nazis. everyone that has told me they adore this meme is a cool person and not a scumbag loser. if she became the face of a crypto scam or the name of an illegal government entity id have a crisis

had contractors come by and forgot i was wearing this shirt

Shadow is Rouge's n1 fan (and hater, currently)

+ Sonic is here literally just to be a little prick

This took so long @_@

Here's a fun story of malicious compliance to brighten your day:

Until recently, a few people in my office had these desk shades to combat the obnoxious fluorescent lights, which is very helpful for people (like me) with migraines or other light-sensitivity issues.

A few days ago, everyone who has them was told to take them down. Different people were given different reasons - It violates fire code (it doesn't) / It blocks line of sight (sort of?). Since this goes against the existing status quo, the union reps (my beloved) jumped on it. Someone jokingly suggested using umbrella hats instead, since hats are allowed in the dress code. Today, the union reps are passing out these ridiculous things in protest:

If the rules are absurd, the resistance should match.

pretentious moment incoming but why is everyone's idea of fashion so fucking boring these days. why the fuck did my manager just ask me "what's with the scarf". "what's with the scarf" fuck man do I need a reason to wear a faggy little scarf now? you could just say "nice scarf man". what's with your attitude

What they don’t tell you about speaking multiple languages is that your brain does not in fact have a box labeled Spanish and another one labeled German. Instead it has a box labeled “Not English” and sometimes when you’re talking or writing in one of the languages you speak it will just start pulling random words from that box.

I just wrote down “Tengo eine Katze” and then put my head in my hands

Whenever someone addresses me in a language I don’t understand my first reflex is to answer in Norwegian. It’s just unfortunate if the person was in fact speaking Italian or Czech.

I am only fluent in English and I have a few words in Korean and Spanish but it still happens, I’ll be trying to say no in Spanish and my brain is like here is the non English word you are looking for and it’s 아니

thrilled to report this doesn't just happen for verbal languages. my brain will present a welsh word when i'm trying to remember a sign and vice-versa

okay good to know it's not just me

you ever think about how the piña colada song and kate bush's babooshka are technically songs about the same topic but with incredibly different tones

does this make sense to anyone else

some sort of love poem

This is the wildest result of one of my comics becoming popular I feel rabid

was just gonna reblog this bomb ass comic again bc it's a mood but the author's addition is hilarious. this is why your english teachers taught you to find meaning in a text