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the moonlight envelops you. what does it say?

@lunar-court / lunar-court.tumblr.com

call us lunar
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don’t let loneliness get in the way of judgement. don’t lower your standards just to have someone, anyone.

don’t settle for mediocre or even toxic because it’s what you think you deserve or all you can get.

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Reblogged dearest-darling-pharma
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youo know on this website i see ppl post things about other trans people that are borderline indistinguishable from anti trans threads/boards or kiwifarms. idk how to tell you this but idrc if u think someone is at a 'cringey' stage in their transition or they annoy u. that shits straight up evil. ur doing the opps work for them

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cringing is something u experience on ur own but when u start putting that stuff online idk how to tell u but ur not somehow a wizened transgender to no longer be at whatever pop culture stage of trans expression is most popular. u are just old and mean

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Reblogged dearest-darling-pharma
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Search is turning up nothing, but that's Tumblr even if there is something, so:

Have I told you guys about my many adventures with the brothel massage parlour around the corner from my house yet?

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Looks like I haven't. Okay, well, let's see. I'll just give highlights, but it'll be long, so let's do a readmore.

So, in mid-2022, I dared to age past about 35 and therefore started withering bodily. Of course, this is partly my fault, because I do not get enough exercise, but also (shakes fist at uncaring universe, pulls muscle in fist) Life Hates Me

So, I started getting muscle pain between the shoulder blades. In my case, this is actually one of those annoying to-avoid-one-disability-you-created-another things, because I've had problems with my lower back since I was in my mid-20s thanks to never using proper lumbar support. Therefore, my standard spot to be in my living room became the sofa that stretches away from the TV, because then I could lie on the sofa and prop my head up on the arm to watch, but that means I spent several years as a recreational candy cane and NOW HERE WE ARE. I remember desperately trying to find a massage therapist that could see me that day before I went away to Edinburgh in August that year, and there was nowhere at all available. I had to get one in Edinburgh when I arrived, which was lovely, but also about £20 more expensive, because Edinburgh.

And then! In November! Of 2022!

I must have wished really hard. Because around the corner from my house - so close I could forward roll that distance, if it weren't for, you know (gestures at body, pulls muscle in arm)... a massage parlour opened.

Except. Here's the thing.

It had a name like "Swansea Oriental Massage" or "Thai Lotus Massage" or what have you (real name not given for privacy reasons.) The kind of name that makes you go "Ah. An independent business, likely staffed by workers fresh from abroad, with a name that implies exotic women to a certain type of client. This may be entirely what it claims, but it definitely Fits a Profile."

And to be clear, I have no issues at all with it being a brothel! I truly, genuinely don't. But for obvious reasons, I do want to know if I'm booking a session with a masseuse or a sex worker, because those are very different types of happy endings.

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Reblogged thatadhdmood
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i think low support needs autistics take some of the things we moderate and high support needs autistics struggle with for granted.

like, showering. "i have meltdowns when i can't shower because i feel dirty." i can't put the right pieces together in my brain to get myself there more than once every other week or sometimes less without support, and even then i never do it "all the way". the sensory experience of showering is way worse than being dirty and i can't just "force" myself to go through it. imagine feeling dirty and being unable to clean yourself? feeling dirty and being unable to communicate that?

eating. i'm sorry that eating something weird upset you but that you "had" to, but i will starve without access to my safe foods. i literally will not have an appetite without access to my safe foods. imagine not being able to tolerate food to the degree of needing a feeding tube, or being unable to continue eating a safe food when the packaging changes.

cleaning. disorganization upsets you. great, me too. i need extensive emotional preparation, warning, and continuous prompting in order to even hope to clean, and even then it is extremely difficult and causes meltdowns and i may not even be able to do it. imagine having to leave cleaning your space completely up to someone else, how much of an invasion of privacy that is.

these are only a few of the things that i struggle with and many msn/hsn autistics struggle with. and there are even more.

not to say that lsn autistics don't struggle with these things, but that some lsn autistics tend to take things for granted that many msn/hsn autistics can't do independently.

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Reblogged dearest-darling-pharma
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A friend has once again brought it to my attention that it is unusual to have an intact chronological memory of life prior to age 12 and you know what’s weird to ME is that the rest of yall forgot how to sing the clean-up song

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Other shit:

  1. The crotch-and-chin destroying hell of a toddler’s carseat
  2. How fucking scary stairs are when you JUST figured out walking. “You can stand up” nah fuck that these steps go up to my knees and I’m top-heavy I’m gonna scoot down on my ass thank you
  3. Walking alongside fucking giants whose legs are bigger than your whole fucking body and trying to keep up
  4. Not knowing how to blow your nose and everyone expecting you to just figure it out by holding a tissue and saying “blow” like WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLOSE MY THROAT? Just an absolute snot waterboarding
  5. People describing how to make sounds with your mouth but you can’t see inside their mouth when they do it so you kind of just guess over and over while they tell you you still don’t got it
  6. Not having a full grasp of language but fully understanding CONCEPTS so you say shit like “are we going to the park later?” When you mean TOMORROW but all you can come up with is shit like “the next time we have lunch, not today but after today, after that” like a fucked up game of verbal post-brain injury Pictionary where people won’t let you get mad about it
  7. Just. Mucus. Mucus and chapped skin, all the time, chin and upper lip. And you’re not supposed to lick it cause the spit is the PROBLEM but it’s fucking OBNOXIOUS. “Just keep the skin dry” wow thanks I’ve been aware of this mechsuit for about ten minutes and still haven’t fully mastered not falling into the toilet but yeah I know how to stay on top of that, cool
  8. FALLING INTO THE TOILET
  9. Trying to eat at a table where the surface comes up to your chin but not being able to get high or close enough cause you can’t scoot your chair in and your hands still don’t coordinate good so you end up just spooning tomato sauce onto your lap like an asshole. Like yeah mom my bad, have you considered though that I ALSO don’t want me to be covered in sauce? Cool
  10. Adults being WAY too excited about shit that straight up is not worth the hype
  11. Carpet burn. Constant carpet burn. Crawling, tripping, shuffling between toys on the floor. So much goddamn carpet burn
  12. Knowing exactly what you’re talking about and zero people understanding because they think you’re too dumb for what you’re trying to communicate
  13. Being told to wave at or hug complete strangers. And they always smelled kinda weird but you weren’t supposed to say it
  14. The feeling of meeting an older kid and they act like they’re your manager or something
  15. Encyclopedic knowledge and name of every single person in your grade 1 class, and their interests
  16. Stroller rides. You could zone out at the ground for hours I swear to god
  17. Dropping something while buckled into a carseat or stroller and not being able to get it and just resigning yourself to a life in hell
  18. Dropping something while you’re in a carseat and it goes UNDER YOUR ASS and you can’t fucking GET IT
  19. Other children getting away with just absolute war crimes. Imagine if Sharon showed up to the office potluck and offered you a cookie and after you ate one revealed that she licked it. Imagine if Gord took your stapler and put it down his pants so you couldn’t get it back. Imagine if for no reason at all your coworker told you your dad was stupid and then put your laptop in the garbage
  20. Not remembering what different foods are called and getting pressured into agreeing to food you were NOT FULLY AWARE OF. How the FUCK is a chicken wing different from a chicken strip you ask? “Well, one just has a bone in it!” You fool. You fucking idiot. They might as well be from different animals entirely. But now you gotta eat it cause we don’t waste food (hell)
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Yes I’ve talked about this before and yes I’m going to talk about it again because every single person on earth should be fully and viscerally aware that being a kid feels like every description I’ve ever read of recovering from a stroke and we all grow up and forget and talk about childhood like it was magic.

Yeah some of it was fun and all but don’t you remember FALLING DOWN CONSTANTLY? You don’t remember needing help putting a shirt on cause you got your arm stuck and couldn’t get out and panicked so bad you started crying? You DON’T remember being just CONSTANTLY STICKY? Ohhh my good, pissing yourself. Pissing yourself was the worst. Christ alive, and being put in the playpen with a weird kid

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Why were you falling into the toilet?

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I WAS LIKE TWO FEET TALL

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Yeah I don't have an encyclopaedic memory but I do remember a lot of things people seem to forget.

Five minutes literally taking an aeon. Having to go somewhere for the adults to do adults stuff but there's a queue: ah I'm in hell now

Every kid Knowing about how it was absolutely hell to have to sit on the concrete in summer during assembly at school and none of the adults having any idea/complaining about us all wriggling around until a substitute one day sat down with us and went "wait this is almost first degree burns territory omg" and then "magically" we never had to do it again

Itchy clothes that you Had to wear because it was a Gift/formal/literally your uniform

Not being able to reach stuff All the Time

Figuring out that the code to "good kids" was "being convenient" and that most adults operated under subtly different rules for this that they just expected you to intuit.

Saying something you learned or felt and being automatically disbelieved because you a child couldn't possibly know or feel that yet.

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Katie Ford, from If You Have to Go: Poems; “The Addresses”

[Text ID: “Can I drag you through me, just to feel? / can’t I be allowed to need you, too?”]
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