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Why try? (Part VII to Why me?)
azriel x rhys' sister! reader
angst/eventual comfort ( This one's a bit shorter, but I did try to jam-pack as much in here as possible so a lot does happen and we do have Azriel and the reader's official reunion and it goes just as well as you think it would!!)
Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?
-
The second you stepped through the floral arches of the Gardens of Velaris, you were immediately reminded of how much you had missed the Night Court while you were away. The Gardens of Velaris had been turned into a starlight-themed ball, flowers enchanted to twinkle like stars.
Before you could as so much as take it in, Feyre immediately spots you and runs up to you and brings you in to an all encompassing hug. Oh how you've missed your family.
Nesta followed immediately after and while she can be rather cold at times, this was not one of those times as she joined in on the hug. You knew Mor didn't join because you came with Eris and guilt settled in your stomach.
"We've missed you so much. Rhys hasn't been the same without you here he's been so grouchy lately." Feyre holds both of your hands in hers and excitedly rushes to tell you all about your family and while Nesta isn't as talkative, she also had her on quips about the time you were gone.
You looked at Eris while you're sisters in law whisked you away, and he gave you a nod signaling you to go with them. They led you to a table with a shimmering silver tablecloth covered with elaborate glass fountains of faerie wine. Arm in arm, the sisters took you down the table until you reached the last one. This one looked to be marble and in the shape of Ramiel with silver stars twinkling above it and next to it stood Mor and Amren. Mor with her signature smile, brown eyes lighting up in joy the second she sees you, and Amren with as much excitement as you could garner from them.
You immediately run into their arms. Mor squeezes you tight and Amren, much less enthusiastic begrudgingly allows you to hug her, you hadn't remembered the last time she had let you do something like this.
"I've missed you so much Mor." You had always been close to your cousin, she was a second sister to you when yours died and this was the longest you guys had been away from each other. You became overwhelmed from all the emotions, mostly good, of seeing your family again. Mor began to tear up and then Feyre began to tear up and seeing tears in both of their eyes made tears well up in your eyes and suddenly the three of you were crying in a group hug, dragging the other two into it.
Behind the fountain of wine stood Elain, skittish as a baby deer. You had months to get over her and Azriel besides she didn't know he was your mate. You harbour no ill will towards the Archeron sister and have actually missed the warmth of her company.
You look up at her, smile, and gesture for her to join in on the hug, "Elain bring it in." She meekishly approaches guilt and sorrow written across her features, "I would like to apologise for my actions. I would have never showed any interest in Azriel if I knew he was your mate. I can promise you that nothing serious happened-"
You cut her off before she could get the words out. "It's okay. Truly. I have missed you Elain." You tell her gently. Tears well up in her eyes and she joins in on the hug, as much of an emotional wreck as the rest of you.
You were trying to turn over a new leaf, one that is focused on you and not Azriel and to do that you had to let go of the bitterness you felt from the whole Azriel and Elain situation. Your anger and resentment that you held towards Azriel was not going to disappear soon, if ever, but you wouldn't blame Elain when she was just an innocent bystander to the trainwreck that is yours and Azriels mating bond.
Your guys' lovely bonding and crying session was ruined by a harsh gust of wind and a hard landing. You knew that sound anywhere that was the harsh landing of Illyrians. You could recognize the sound of Azriel, Cassian, and Rhys from a mile away. Their distinctive wingbeats and landing pattern, may be insignificant to most, but you could pinpoint exactly who landed and where.
-
Rhys has always acknowledged that Azriel possessed a certain lethal kind of brutality. It was the lethality of spies and assassins, the lethality of the shadows. The lethality that thrives in silence and creeps up on you, the kind that you won’t know it’s lethal until it’s too late. It’s the glass you’re holding all evening while laughing and dancing that you don’t realise is poisoned until you’re clutching at your throat hours later.
Azriel’s had always been brutal, he did torture people for a living, but his composure had always remained. His silence was the deafening kind. The silence of night, unseeing and terrifying because you never know where he is going to strike until your head is rolling on the floor and your body is on the ground.
Right now the Azriel that Rhys was currently fighting showed none of that. He was all sloppy movements and animalistic aggression, borderline growling at Rhys as he tries to get a hit on him. The mating bond had just snapped for Azriel he shouldn’t have provoked him, but Rhys was trying to get all the pent up energy out of him. He also was fuming at Azriel, but he didn’t need to know that part yet.
Azriel landed a particularly hard blow on Rhys’ nose. Blood sprayed, Cassians eyes widen and he knows if he doesn’t run interference now there wouldn’t be anything left of his friends to tear apart.
Hit after hit after hit. Scratch after scratch. Azriel was just going after Rhys and Rhys was matching him in aggression but he was being overpowered by feral edge that the mating bond gives Azriel.
Azriel was about to go for Rhys’ throat when Cassian caught his arm in mid-air. His siphons blazed crimson and he was using all of his strength to hold Azriel back.
“If you guys don’t stop fighting you’ll kill each other.” His features contorted in strain from using all his strength to keep Azriel at bay.
Before either Azriel or Rhys could even fire a retort back to Cassian they both stilled. Like a wolf perking its ears up when it hears a rabbit in the bushes.
“I need to get to her. She’s crying. Something’s wrong.” Azriel said with slight alarm.
Rhys must have felt it too because he had the same initial reaction. Winded from the fight, he says “It’s probably just the emotions from being reunited with her family. Feyre is crying too.”
Azriel was flooded with emotions from the bond and he didn’t know how to discern them from his own. His emotions are heightened and in turn so are his reactions.
“I will find whoever made her cry and make them pay.” He says with a grave finality, the spymaster going on a mission.
Cassian facepalms himself. “Oh brother let’s not be so dramatic now.”
Rhys scoffs, “No let’s not-“
Azriel takes off in a gust of wind that nearly knocks him down.
“-do that”
Rhys sighs and looks at Cassian with a look that says “can you believe this?” Cassian shrugs his shoulders,laughs, and goes “You were just as bad when the mating bond first snapped.”
“No I was not-”
Cassian is in the air, following after Azriel before Rhys could even finish.
Rhys then takes off after them mumbling to himself. “How dare they leave their high lord. Beron would have had them fed to his fire hamsters for that or whatever Autumn Court beasts he has. Eris is close enough-”
-
You look up expecting to see all three of them in their most regal finery as esteemed members of this Court, but are instead met with the bloodied Illyrian warriors that looked like they had come back from war.
What in the world? For Cauldron's sake, why couldn't they go through one major court event without something calamitous happening? The only one relatively unscathed was Cassian, the other two were much worse for wear. Blood and dirt caked Azriel's brow and Rhysand sported a black eye. Their previous finery had been torn away and shredded. Their arms were bear and littered with smaller cuts and slashes that were quickly healing.
You had come up this whole plan on how to avoid Azriel by busying yourself with everyone else and just never nearing him or meeting his gaze. You didn't even have a chance to avoid Azriel's gaze because he immediately rushed up to you, cupping your face in his scarred hands and surveying you and then everyone else for any risk of damage. "Are you alright? I heard you crying. Is everything okay?" He looks at you frantic, his hazel eyes drowning in worry that he has no right to feel.
You were about to pull away, fighting the urge to melt into his touch and to be repulsed by his audacity, when Rhys yanked him back by the back of the collar like a dog that needs to be leashed. "Know your place shadowsinger she doesn't talk to anyone else before she talks to her dashing brother." He gives you a smug smile as he spins you around in an all encompassing hug.
Even if you both didn't act like it at times you dearly loved your brother. Even before he was your only family left, you guys had always been close and keeping your distance these past few months was so immensely difficult because at the end of the day Rhys is your family.
After a minute or two Cassian jumped in on your guys' hug. "MY TURN!" The Illyrian warrior had substantially overestimated his size and brought you two down with him. You missed these idiots.
Azriel stood there almost nervously, shadows swirling around like storm clouds circling him. You know it would be weird if you give him the cold shoulder when you had greeted everyone, including Elain, so warmly.
You get up off the floor, leaving Rhys and Cassian to argue who's fault it was that you guys ended up there. You slowly approach the shadowsinger, he lets you come to him as if you were a stray cat and he was a small child on the side of the road trying to take you home.
"Hello." You say, polite, but not giving him much to work with. You had a million things you wanted to say at him and a million more you wanted to yell at him. He's a spymaster he has obviously noticed the shift in your dynamic and the changes in you. Let's just leave it at this and move forward civilly. This should be easy, Azriel has never been one to initiate physical contact anyways, he'll just leave you be and go continue hiding and brooding which is fine as you wont have to deal with him.
His shadows pick up their speed and begin rapidly swirling. His eyes fill with an emotion you can’t quite place and like he did before he rushes up to you. Unlike Rhys and Cassians’ hugs that felt like a burst of excitement this one felt like relief. The moment of peace after the storm in which you see why it was all worth it.
Azriel held on to you like his life depended on it. His arms were a lifeline when you didn’t even know you were drowning. One arm wrapped snugly around your waist and the other over your shoulders while he held your head into his chest his thumb stroking your hair.
For a few seconds you let the world fall away and all you knew is how much you cared for one another. At the very core of you and Azriel’s connection is that deep rooted care for each another and that would take a lot more than a conflict to change. You have never been this upset with him in your life but you know that if anything was to ever happen to him a part of you would be forever lost.
The way he was holding you was so unlike Azriel. He was holding you tighter and in a way that was much more…intimate? Physical contact was never Azriel’s specialty so why is he doing this now?
You snapped out of it and immediately jumped away schooling your features into a mask of neutrality. He is still holding on to you as you make your sad attempt of pulling away. In a voice as low as a whisper, attempting to hide your words from the prying ears of the fae you tell him,“ I hear congratulations are in order. Three brothers for three sisters it's good to hear your sticking it to the Mother's lack of continuity."
You're hurt, but joking about it is the best way you could put him in a neutral zone the quickest and draw the lines as they stand. You don't believe in love triangles they're your least favorite trope because there is always the odd one out getting hurt and right now it's you.
Even though you already knew from what Elain had said earlier that it didn't work out between them and Lucien had also talked about Elain being on the fence about deciding to give him a chance, you wanted to take a jab at Azriel. Was it petty and a low blow? Yes, but what could people expect from you? You are Rhys' sister.
He looks shocked at first then straightens up. "That was the past. I have learned the consequences of forsaking the Mother. Right now, my focus lies elsewhere." His gaze burns in your soul and his tone carries the reverence of a speech. He sounded as if he were swearing an oath.
You scoff, "We'll you have been forsaking a lot recently." His eyes darken and he stares you down, "How would you know what I've been doing lately? You left without even as much as a notice or explanation and you've written to everyone except for me."
You hear the pain and frustration in his voice and you can't bring yourself to care. You provoked him, but you were so angry and so tired and you wanted him to hurt the way you did that you just keep going.
Your brows furrow and your eyes cut into him. "Well, you wouldn't have even noticed my absence if it wasn't for your shadows. Is my presence so insignificant to you that you can't notice that something is wrong until your spies tell you. For such a revered spymaster I am struggling to comprehend how your skills only fall short when I'm involved."
Your tone is ice and your words are fire. You just wanted to keep going and going and going throwing stone after stone.
He looks frantic, Azriel has never been good at verbalizing his feelings and you knew that. His head was in a tailspin and he didn’t know how to respond.
He begins to speak so slowly, as if he was physically struggling to get the words out. “That’s because you’re different from everyone else. I actually care what you think.” His eyes held a silent plea, a sight you would have done anything in your power to prevent months ago, but right now you’re too far gone to deal with his half assed attempts at caring for you.
“Oh for cauldrons sake you-“ You couldn’t finish your sentence because your feet are off suddenly lifted from the ground. Your thrown over a shoulder and marched off.
“Did anyone ever tell you it’s a party foul to start an intense emotionally charged argument at a ball in your honor?” Rhys is every bit of smug and annoying as he was as a child. As you’re trying to get out of his grasp he starts to spin you. You throw yourself forward and throw him to the ground with you not wanting to hear a Rhys lecture.
Cassian was running interference on Azriel seemingly inspired by Rhys’ tactics. He was trying to pick up Azriel and Azriel was not having it. “Get away from me.” Cassian was not getting away from Azriel. He smacks Cassian’s hand away. Cassian smacks his hand back and they start a slap fight.
Eris and Lucien walk in holding two drinks each and look to see the high lord and princess on the floor while the general and spymaster are in a toddler level slap fight. This was the feared Nigjt Court that they were supposed to be visiting?
Eris downs one glass. Then another and makes both disappear. He then grabs the second glass out of Lucien’s hand and clinks their glasses together before taking a sip of the third one.
Lucien downs his glass and then takes Eris’ glass and promptly downs that too. This was going to be a rough couple of months.
“Petulant children all of you.” Eris said with disdain as he smacks his arm around Lucien’s shoulder and turns them around right back to the party and away from all this Night Court commotion.
-
Note: This is a bit of a shorter chapter but hey we got their official reunion. Az cannot read the room but hey it makes for great entertainment! Things will begin picking up especially w all the current turmoil. Again thank you for all the support I hope you guys like where the story is going so far and until next time my lovelies
Note note: if I say I edited this I would be lying…
Taglist: @alimarie1105@chaosabroad@bbontenswhhore@tele86@ashblooddragons@circe143@i-am-infinite@princesssunderworld@thestartitaness@tiffany-xx@cpfantasybooks @lucia-valentinaa@jennigsonl@ivy-34@firefly-forest@k-homosapien@coeurdeveea@cherryjain17@bckynatt@becstersworld@rcarbo1@gojospearlycim@atluky@juliebluehufflepuff@willowpains@abadfantasybook@neverendingstay@hellohauntedturnstudent@highladyofhogwarts@littowl@iluvyewman-blog@lunaticpotatoe @justlivinginadaydream @julesiebean @shylahstarzz @olive-main @lreadsstuff @noonenuts @sourapplex @aquellaspequenascosas @anuttellaa @honethatty12 @moonlwghts
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Anonymous asked:
The PAIN Azriel would feel if the Reader gave him her blessing for him and Elain, completely unaware since no one has really talked to her about Azriel so she can only assume. Don't get me wrong I still love Az BUT THINK OF THE ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to say there is going to be a scene (or multiple) where this happens but I am not denying it either. I mean we can't just leave it at one conversation that would be too much healthy communication for where they are at we have to drag the pain out as much as possible!
Anonymous asked:
In the Why series, now that Azriel knows of the bonds existence but she doesn't, does that mean there's a beautiful opportunity for her emotions to bleed through to him since she may not have blocked him off, so if she's having all this fun with Eris, I can imagine Az going so insane with jealousy and self pity
Oh my god yes!! I am so excited that you guys are noticing and asking. The bond is new for Azriel, he is in a really volatile place right now and all his emotions and senses are heightened. On her end, as of right now, she is so removed from it because of everything that she can't feel him anymore. She isn't blocking off her side because she doesn't feel it(its not actually rejected but she is mentally rejecting him in a way), so Azriel is going to feel certain emotions from her side and he may feel a certain way when Eris' presence elicits a certain emotion and his doesn't or worse causes negative emotions. I can't give too much away but there is lots of room for self-pitying and jealousy!!
We haven't even begun to talk about how she's going to react when he starts acting possessive but you guys will see that next chapter. I do hope this cleared stuff up without spoiling too much lol
Anonymous asked:
I can imagine Rhys also instigating shit, like having her be Eris' point of contact in Velaris, knowing it pisses Az off and that it'll give him a sense of what she went through too
Now this could be such a lovely idea! Azriel will already feel more than enough of what she felt (also the mating bond heightens everything so he can feel her but she can’t feel him for reasons that I will let y'all assume but won't fully reveal).
Pettiness does run in the family so keep that in mind. Rhys also just fought with Azriel so he does want to prolong his suffering quite a bit 👀
(Me taking notes on this now 📝)
a little sidenote, I am getting a bit worried that I made Eris too likeable and Az too dislikable that I am now going to have a bit of a challenge swaying yall back to the Az side but I do love a challenge!
I am loving the Why me series. I am loving the different pov. The chess game between Mother and Fate is so unique. I never read this reference in any other stories. Eris's pov is so good, he is such a good friend. I want to know more of what you have stored in your mind. So I will be happy if you kindly tag me.💖💖
Thank you so much!! I really tried to change it up this chapter and with the whole idea of the mother picking the mating bond i thought it would be a lot more fun if there was a struggle with fate in how the story turns out because that’s so much more fun than just one person pulling the strings.
I do love the dynamic that the reader and Eris have going on because there is a lot of love in that dynamic without it being inherently romantic(friendships can always grow into more what can I say) and it doesn’t have the weight of hers with Azriel because she wasn’t pining over him. I think the most important thing in their dynamic is that they care for each other and caused each other to grow for the better. Which is why I couldn’t write Eris out of the story just yet, since he will continue being a major character moving forward.
Thank you for your support I’m so glad you read it and enjoyed it so much! I’ll add you to the taglist and again thank you <33
Anonymous asked:
I think the best way to make Azriel suffer is to make him Jealous. We all know Az is one of the most possessive male . Make him Jealous as much as possible .
Oh there will be a lot of az jealousy in the coming chapters especially now that both Eris and Lucien will be in the Night Court going forward 👀
also Eris is a meddling busybody and will do everything in his power to make Az suffer bc he wants our girl to have the best and he needs to haze azriel to make sure he gets it together and if he doesn’t maybe he’ll want to swoop who knows…
Why here? (Part VI to Why me?)
azriel x rhys' sister! reader
angst/eventual comfort ( Now this one is a bit different from the rest and is a bit angsty and more Eris and Azriel focused so we'll see how that goes )
Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?
-
There is an enchanted chessboard older than the cauldron itself. Before the fae inhabited this world and when the creatures in the prison roamed free Fate had gifted the Mother a chessboard. They play more often than not and through the centuries the stakes have gotten higher and higher.
Around the times of the first high lords, when the lines of the courts were being drawn and the Cauldron was being built an intruder had run interference on their game. A small black tendril, nameless in nature and free in spirit, the first shadow of this world. The emergence of the first shadowsinger had awoken it, apparently teaching it to shift through the different worlds and it had accidentally stumbled upon the Mother's. The shadow had swirled around the pieces, animating them and moving them around which gave the Mother the wonderful idea of turning her pieces into the lives of actual fae as the chess games had become rather boring lately.
So for centuries, the Mother and Fate have been writing the destinies of unsuspecting fae. Move after move, piece after piece. Now this particular game has hit quite a standstill. Move after move and yet no clear winner or end in sight. The story of you and Azriel has been a rather difficult one to craft and the game has been played for hundreds of years, it's vicious and cut-throat. The Mother who has been playing for you has been going for direct and sharp moves, while Fate who has been playing for Azriel has been going for the unsuspecting moves, the ones that you don't realise are happening until it's too late.
"How long are we going to make them dance around each other for?" The Mother looked at Fate with her all-knowing gaze before she began to eye her pieces, a pensive look that only belonged to someone who is actively working out their strategy because if the Mother hated one thing it was losing.
Fate looked back at her, "We could continue this game for all eternity darling. What's the rush when we have forever? You do know how I love a slow dance." Fate had always loved the journey, he loved to craft these elaborate stories for the Mother's characters, he always told her that he believed it would make the payoff better, but she was rather fond of these characters and they had been playing for so very long.
The Mother made her move. She sighed, "Haven't we made them go through enough? I do like these ones they might be my favourites." She looks at him in his ethereal eyes, glowing with a light that was anything but mortal, "You do know the sister plotline was a bit much. She has gone through enough any more struggles and she might not even want the mating bond anymore."
He looks at her and then the pieces, competition lacing his very being, he moves his piece. "I believe that suffering is the only way to bring out the truth of someone's character. It is in these moments of darkness that we must look actually look at ourselves and truly see us for what we are."
He picks reaches out across the table and holds her hand. "This is the only time we can truly change for the better. They would have never been happy together otherwise my love. You know that you made them both too stubborn for their own good." Fate gives the Mother a blinding smile, one with all the kindness and reprise that he refuses to give the ones who's destiny he is in charge of.
She gives him an annoyed look. Not one of true annoyance but rather an I'm annoyed your right and know me well enough to know I agree with you kind of annoyance. She gives a small smile back and goes, "Yes the shadowsinger reminds me of a certain someone too. Someone who is also too stubborn for his own good and refuses to accept a loss.
At this the Mother smirks and moves her piece, she looks at Fate with a mischievous grin and forces his hand. Very few had the power to tamper with Fate, but right now the Mother had him in the palm of her hand. She smiles and for the first time in almost 500 years she it looks like the game is going in her favour, the endgame is near and she refuses to lose.
"Check."
-
In the Gardens of Velaris, there was a shadowsinger hiding in the shadows. This was not an unusual sight, as his job description entails spying and the shadows are curious creatures, what was unusual was the feeling of the mating bond that had just snapped for Azriel.
He has been yearning for this very thing for Centuries, so now that he has it, why does the world feel like it's collapsing beneath his feet. You were only a few feet away in the distance. He could literally see you. See you laughing with Eris. Eris.
Rage envelops him and a way of thinking so primal and ancient is fighting with his rational mind. Well as rational as it could be mind. A bombshell has been dropped on him and he is trying his best under the current circumstances to stay calm and not tear Eris' throat out for being that close to you and even worse, making you laugh.
Shadows emanate from every fibre of his being. The shadows take over, and Night hears them, and together, they envelop the court in an all-consuming blackness that snuffs out every light source for miles. It had only lasted for a millisecond, barely anyone had noticed it and those who did had just assumed they had blinked or it was a trick of a light, but he could tell you did.
You started looking around frantically. Cauldron save him he couldn't face you right now. He had no right to even look at you. After the initial shock of learning that you were his mate, the reality of everything that he has done came crashing down on him. Azriel can't deal with himself. The reality of what he has put you through. He pined over Mor for over a century. He almost invoked a Blood Duel over Elain. You were his mate and he had forsaken your bond. Forsaken your bond for another fae's mate. Your friend's mate.
Mother free him from this torment. Everything came crashing into him at once. Reminders of every time that he had ignored you for another female. Reminders of the flash of sadness that would flicker in your gentle gaze every time that Azriel would rain-check your plans for Elain or talk about another female.
The look of disdain that Rhys had on his face the night he found him and Elain. The uncharacteristic cruelty that had been directed towards Azriel. The distance of the inner circle and his own shadows. Everyone had known. Everyone except for him. Did you know? Is that why you left? Why you had been ignoring him for months?
He tries to tug on the bond and he winces. The bond snaps back at him painfully like a rubber band that was held taught and released. Seems like even the bond itself is punishing Azriel. So you didn't know then?
You were still looking around with your senses on high alert and it seems like you weren't the only one that had noticed the blackout. Eris in all his horrendous glory had also been surveying the area and while you looked like started pray that was scanning for predator to jump out of the bushes and attack, Eris was every bit the predator scanning the area ready to pounce.
Azriel locked eyes with Eris. Eris' eyebrows raise, his eyes holding mischief and curiosity, a truly despicable combination. The conniving fox never stops his scheming and with a smirk he puts his hand on your lower back and leans to whisper something in your ear. All while maintaining eye contact with Azriel.
His rational side is long forgotten and he luges for Eris. Pupils dilated, teeth bared, and siphons glowing. Instead of landing on Eris, he landed on a barrier of shadows which drag him through the shadow realm like a parent dragging their misbehaving toddler by the arm into timeout.
The shadows drag him through the shadow realm, struggling to constrain him, and throw him onto the floor of the training ring in the house of wind. Rhysand and Cassian arrive on the scene moments later, amusement coating their features once they see the position that Azriel is in. Cassian bursts into a fit of laughter seeing Azriel shadows trying to hold him in place and watching him fight back against them, while swearing profusely.
Rhys saunters towards Azriel, "Well took you long enough brother. Release him." The shadows immediately release their hold of Azriel. The look he's giving Rhys is filled with so much malice that anyone other than Rhys would have shivered at his gaze.
Rhys is gives Azriel a predatory smile that is anything but friendly. Rhys says, "Now that you officially know I can finally do this", and he punches Azriel in the face. Rhys looks at Azriel while he's on the floor from the hit, "You want to be my brother again. Earn it. "
Azriel's nostrils flare and he comes swinging at Rhys with full force. Cassian is enjoying this a lot more than he should have and the house agrees spawning him popcorn on the table on the outskirts of the training ring. Between Azriel's vicious as a result of a new mating bond and Rhys' pent up anger for hundreds of years of pain you endured this was going to be a very entertaining fight.
-
There were very few things that brought Eris Vanserra true unadultered joy - his schemes, the suffering of his enemies, and apparently spending time with you. For these few months with you had been the first time he genuinely enjoyed someone's company. He was sad you were leaving, of course, but that was the whole point of your stay, you would process your mating bond and return when you had distanced yourself from it enough that being around Azriel wouldn't break you.
Eris had never wished for a mating bond. He has never been surrounded by happiness, let alone love, only pain, and would never wish that life upon another. To be tethered to Eris is to be tethered to a lifetime of cruelty and a lifetime of pain. He watched his mother suffer every day at the hands of his father, the only true happiness she experienced was in the presence of Eris or Lucien, whom she seldom sees anymore. He watched the love of Lucien's life be sentenced to death by his father.
Eris knows that when he becomes the high lord of Autumn that he will have a target on his back and is one day destined to meet a bloody end. How could he sentence someone to a fate like that? Every Vanserra's is a flame - burns brightly, hurts to the touch, and is destined to go out.
Now Eris does believe in love but he also believes in choice and he has chosen to keep his circle small and tight for as long as he could remember. His walls were impenetrable and he was very guarded, he wore cruelty as a mask and indifference as a cloak with wit being his sword. He had never needed anyone, he only needed himself. That's what he told himself when Lucien had told him he was leaving Autumn for Spring. That's what he told himself when he isolated himself for hundreds of years and that's what he told you when you guys had first met in the Autumn Court library.
You had been about 75 and were in the Autumn Court on a diplomatic visit with Rhys and your father. You had grown bored and decided to sneak off into the Autumn Court library in the middle of the night, unaware that anyone would be there. You had just waltzed in and started grabbing text after text that Eris was actually impressed and had remained silent for two hours until he decided enough was enough and it was time to bother you. You guys argued for hours, matching each other's wit in a way that Eris had never experienced, and he didn't admit it to anyone but he was looking forward to your next visit.
You guys had always corresponded after that. Remaining good friends and regularly sending each other updates, book recommendations, and even jokes. Eris realised that he missed you, a very uncommon feeling for the cold hearted fire wielder and was elated to receive an invite to the Night Court ball. He arrived elated to see you only to find you on the arm of the shadowsinger. He couldn't be upset though, because you ran to him excitedly and embraced him in a hug.
Eris refused to be second to anybody so he gave it up and accepted his role in your life. You value the people in your life greatly and he appreciates your friendship either way but it would be a lie to say it didn't pain him to hear about Azriel for so long.
Azriel had this amazing person pining after him and he couldn't even appreciate you enough to properly give you his attention. How he didn't know you had feelings for him, Eris couldn't figure out. He was the Spymaster of the Night Court and he couldn't even notice how your eyes lit up in his presence.
When you had written Eris in a panic calling in the favor you held over him for securing certain information about Beron, Eris knew it had something to do with that Cauldrons-damned shadowsinger and had left immediately. The minute he was in that room with you and him and the rest of the inner circle, he knew the mating bond had snapped for you and that Azriel was contemplating invoking a blood duel over Elain. A blood duel with his brother. Eris was furious.
Eris is still furious. The shadowsingers stupidity almost got his brother killed and maybe you, he believes you to be formidable, but a broken mating bond has catastrophic effects on fae. It was something he would never wish upon you. Eris would lie to everyone but himself and he knows that he has sent a prayer to the Mother at least once or twice or more times asking for you to be his mate because he knows that while he could never deserve you he would do everything in his power to try to be.
Eris is not a traditionalist by any means, how could he be when his father runs Autumn with an iron fist claiming that the old way is the best way especially when it comes to fae rights, but Eris does believe in the sanctity of a mating bond. If you and Azriel had tried it out and it didn't work then he would be free to make his move, but anytime before then he deems it unacceptable. He also feels the same for Elain and Lucien, which is another reason he didn't respect Azriel.
Eris would never openly sabotage your life like that. The number one thing he wishes for is your happiness and he sends a prayer to the Mother for that a lot more than he would care to admit. That doesn't mean that Eris can't at least mess with Azriel and make his life a living hell for the period before you get together. He did cause you to suffer for so long, it's only fair.
Eris does not consider himself to be a good person. He's selfish and downright evil at times, but he believes the Mother knows him at his soul and that one day when he is freed from the confines of his father the Mother will allow him to find happiness in either this life or the next. While he doesn't need a mating bond, he is tired and exhausted from being so lonely all the time. When everyone sees you as a villian, it's so hard to not become one and Eris is ready for some change.
But today was not the day for changing for the better. Which is what Eris tells himself as he meets Azriel's gaze in the Gardens of Velaris. Based on the dilated pupils and the overall feral look of the shadowsinger, Eris assumes that the mating bond has just snapped for him. Oh goody. This would be a real treat for Eris. A bit of payback if you will.
Eris raises a brow and maintains eye contact with the shadowsinger as he gets close to you and puts a hand on your lower back. He gives some sort of witty retort and you laugh. He continues to look at Azriel while all of this is happening, just to add to the torment. He sees Azriel lunge and then disappear in a cloud of shadow. Well looks like his shadows took care of that. He'll be back eventually and then Eris can do the same thing again.
Eris has already made peace with the fact that you were not his, but he had to make sure you had the best in his absence and if you were destined to be with this male Eris had to at least test him first. Consider it a hazing ritual or reparations for the way he treated you. Either way Azriel was going to make sure this male suffered until he shapes up and became the perfect mate because you deserve nothing less and if Azriel fails to do that then Eris would have no problem sweeping the rug from under him in his own Court.
Eris loves a challenge and he has grown very bored lately. He let Lucien in on this plan and Lucien had actually spoken about wanting to give Elain the opportunity to get to know him, now that Azriel's out of the picture, so the timing was working anyways. Worst case scenario the Night Court is in shambles which would sit back and enjoy anyways. Best case scenario you leave back with him to Autumn and never step foot in this court ever again and leave the shadowsinger forever. Either way he gets to spend time with you and torment Azriel.
He thinks Rhys agreed to this arrangement just because he also wants Azriel to suffer a little bit, after everything he's done.
Eris looks at you again, snapping you out of your search for Azriel. he goes, "I have a surprise for you." You look up at him, focusing on what he's saying, but still being half distracted by the idea of Azriel being near.
"You were saying how much you were going to miss me due to you leaving of Autumn and I have business in the Night Court, so guess who is going to be staying here for the foreseeable future?" Eris says all of this with the smug grin you have been accustomed to seeing him don.
Your face lights up and he continues. "Lulu is also going to be tagging along because he adores his charming older brother so much-" You roll your eyes at him. "Lucien did not say that."
Eris cuts you off by throwing his arm over your shoulder and leads you through the arches of the garden into the ball. "But he will once he sees the havoc we are going to wreak in Night." Eris gives you a mischievous grin and for once you actually give one back as you take your official steps back into your life in the Night Court.
-
note: This chapter was actually meant to be twice as long and this was the first part but I am about to get busy so I wont be writing for the next week or so and I wanted to get something out before I fall of the grid. I will be answering to asks though I do love receiving them and hearing what you guys think I just won't have that much time to write. The style of this chapter is a lot different from the rest so I do want to know what you guys think. I didn't think it was a good idea for the reader and Azriel to interact immediately after the bond snapped for him, he was just in such a high alert state that I don't think it would be a good idea until he's at least calm again(I know Rhys has been holding in that punch for hundreds of years). Until next time my lovelies!
note note: again pls ignore the lack of editing and the sleep deperivated state I wrote this in :)
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#azriel#azriel x reader#acotar fic#azriel fic#azriel x you#acotar#azriel acotar#azriel fanfic#azriel shadowsinger#azriel angst#azriel spymaster#azriel x reader series#azriel x reader angst#acotar x reader#azriel x reader hc#eris vanserra#eris acotar#eris angst#azriel fanfiction#wm series#eris x reader#eris vanserra x reader
Reblogged
Adding another surprise pov in the next chapter of why me? if someone guesses it ill post a sneak peak bc this is going to be a longer chapter 👀
I lied I locked in and finished the first part tonight and will be posting it as its own chapter in a few since I wont be able to write for the next week or so. It's a bit different from the other chapters so I hope yall will like it :)
Anonymous asked:
Wow I am enjoying ‘ Why me ‘ series soo much.
I hope you make Azriel Jealous and yearn for Reader as much as she has suffered. Azriel being jealous when reader is ranting about how Eris is such a nice guy , how he helped her and Eris too keep visiting Reader after she came back to Night court 🤭
PLEASE MAKE AZRIEL SUFFER AS MUCH AS YOU CAN 😭
We want Reader to start ignoring Azriel and finally focusing on herself for a little bit 🤌
This part has been sitting in my asks for a while but thank you! I really wanted to write a story where the conflicts keeping Azriel and the reader apart are internal because let’s face it they’ve been in love with each other but have their own issues to deal with before we can have a happy ending.
I hope you enjoyed the readers focusing on herself arc because it will be the norm frow now on (which may not sit well with azriel since he’s used to having her so readily available). Don’t worry there’s a lot more Azriel suffering to go around but at the same time we can’t have our mmc not develop or better themselves(we love a man who can go to therapy). He had his moment of reprise though so we’ll let the suffering ensue(you know eris will enjoy every moment of Azriel’s suffering as he is all knowing and yearns for chaos).
Thank you all for your support on this series im glad you all like it so much and there will be a lot more where this is coming from!!
Anonymous asked:
I’m so fucking pumped for the continuation of Why Me. The angst is absolutely incredible and I can’t wait for more
ahh thank you im so glad!! this is my first series and im so happy that it’s been so well received I can’t wait to continue the reader and azriel’s story now that it just got interesting :)
Why her? (Part V to Why me?)
azriel x rhys' sister! reader
angst/eventual comfort ( I mean did you guys really thing I would let them have a smooth reunion? cackles maniacally in the background**)
Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?
-
You were a fool for thinking that Rhys would allow you to discretely come back to the Night Court after being away for so long and even more a fool for thinking that he wouldn't find any excuse to throw a party. The details of your mission had been classified so Rhys couldn't exactly disclose that it was a welcome home party for you, but no one in their right mind will question the reasoning behind a Night Court ball.
Rhys' extravagance extended to his parties and they were some of the most revered in Prythian. Even Beron, the grumpiest high lord who hates anything to do with fun or laugher, would look forward to attending, dragging his gaggle of deplorable children along.
You're going to attend the Ball with Lucien and Eris and then stay in the Night Court, marking the end of your time in Autumn. Autumn has always been a place of change. The leaves of trees are always flickering between shades of red, orange, and brown some falling and some staying without being enticed by the prospect of winter of winter.
You do have to say the eternal Autumn does live up to it's namesake. In just 3 short months you've been changed, well not physically, but the way you think about yourself and how you go about the world. You would have to find some way to thank Eris for that. You did the work, but he pushed you to start and showed you the way and in return you hope you had taught him how to not be so unbearably uptight all the time.
You would miss your friend, Rhysand would never forgive you for thinking this, but he reminds you of Rhys in a way. You smile at the thought of your brother's reaction to this accusation. He would huff and cross his arms, immediately disagreeing with you. You know Eris would do something similar. He will make a good high lord.
You continue to get ready for the ball, ditching your normal colour palette of blues and purples for a Night Court black dress with gold adornments along the bodice. You had to pay homage to your time in Autumn, but you are still Night Court. The way the gold snakes around reminded you of golden vines rather than the shadow-like designs you've been accustomed to.
You were related to Rhys and Mor, it was in your blood to go over the top with these kind of things. It was Eris' idea to add leafs to the golden vines to the dress and also Eris' idea to match his suit to your dress. Lucien thought that the gold and black designs were way too much for him, but you were able to convince him into wearing the matching cuff links. You knew what kind of message that you and Eris matching would sent to the courts and to a certain spymaster, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. If you wanted to match with Eris so be it who cares what they think?
Your thoughts begin to stray back to a certain spymaster, it had been 3 months since you'd last seen him and 3 months since you had found out that you guys were mates. The mating bond had become nothing more than a dull feeling in your chest and you don't even think you could tug on it if you wanted to. That is how far removed you had become from the bond, how far you have become removed from Azriel.
Azriel. You were still trying to decide how you would deal with him. Right now, you are leaning towards being polite to him when you see him and then dancing and talking with everyone else all evening in order to avoid his presence. You decided to not give him the amount of your attention that he has become accustomed to. You will set your sights on connecting with your family and friends; he, of course, will be included in that but only on a polite, friendly level and not on the all-consuming level of a mate.
Your thoughts are interrupted by a knock at the door. Eris walks in with a hand behind his back. His face is nuetral, but his eyes are almost solemn. He begins to speak, "It has been a long time since I've had the pleasure of being around decent company." Eris is not a sentimental person, so you understand that even this much is a lot for him.
He approaches you and his hand comes out from behind his back to reveal a gold necklace. It was a simple necklace with a gold chain and a small pendant on the end with a fox sitting on a moon engraved in it. He delicately places the necklace in your hand.
You smile up at him, "Thank you, Eris, I love it." You walk up to him and look in his eyes, the enemy of the Night Court that was somehow your saviour in this dark tie. You don't know how you repay him. You wrap your arms around him in an embrace and he freezes. He must not have hugged someone in a while because he immediately stiffed and then put his arms around you. If anyone saw this they would assume that this is proof that Eris Vanserra had a heart and that he needed to learn how to hug because it looked like you were holding him hostage.
Nevertheless, you got excited, he had never let you hug him before. He sighs, "You know you could just stay here, who else is going to look after the foxes." You thought back to the first day, you arrived in Autumn a complete and utter mess and in your drunken stupor had dragged along Lucien and domesticated a whole family of foxes. You had come a long way since then, when the fate of yours and Azriel's mating bond had been the only thing on your mind and the world felt tilted on it's axis.
Eris' voice interrupts your thoughts, "Who else am I going to terrorise on the daily?" You chuckle, "You will always have Lucien."
He lets out an exasperated sigh, "He's been much too boring lately. He doesn't appreciate my schemes." You let out an immediate retort, "Your brother doesn't want you to make an enemy of every court? What a pity." In all his spitefulness and maliciousness, Eris had been your rock lately and you don't know what you are going to do without at least a little bit of his mischief in your life.
Your eye strays to the window, and you look outside and see the trees swaying in the wind. The scene almost reminds you of a painting with Autumn leaves swaying in the breeze against the backdrop of a golden sunset. You had always believed the Night Court to be the most captivating of all the courts, you believed that nothing could rival the beauty of the stars that danced across the Night Court sky, but the golden Autumn sunset had you rethinking your decision. There was something about the warm, enticing glow of the Autumn Court sunset that had made you forget about the beauty of the Night sky that you had loved for so many years, but sunsets were fleeting and as soon as you began to appreciate the moment the sun had disappeared below the horizon it was over.
Sun disappearing below the horizon? By the Cauldron you were running late to the ball. You jump away from Eris and run to put on your shoes, "Loving this bonding moment we're having here, but we are running late and my brother will literally come here and drag me to the ball if we don't leave immediately."
He laughs and lets out a sarcastic, "Your command is my wish, Your Royal Highness of the Court of Night. Or is that not regal enough? Your divine goddessness-"
Yo roll your eyes and laugh. "Oh my god shut up Eris lets go." He drops into a dramatic bow and holds his hand out. You know he's trying to distract you from thoughts of Azriel, and you appreciate the effort.
He looks at you with sincere eyes, "You ready?" You answer right away, scared that if you give yourself a minute to sit and contemplate you're going to change your mind and run away like you did to Autumn. You nod, softly you say, "Ready as I'll ever be."
With that you take his hand and the world falls away as you begin to travel to the Night Court.
-
Azriel's a nervous wreck. He may be dressed for a ball, his usual leathers traded for ball attire. Azriel has never been one for especially opulent attire, Rhys has always been the most fashionable out of the three brothers, but he really wanted to look good for your guys' reunion. He had actually asked Mor and Rhys for outfit advice, which had left both of them speechless due to how out of character it was.
They dressed him in an elevated Spymaster's uniform, which was more flair than practicality. His tunic was much too tailored to be for fighting, and the cobalt cufflinks and designs would not help with blending in to the shadows. A useless outfit for spying or attending to any spymaster business, but a perfect outfit for a Night Court ball.
Mor and Rhys made him shave, get a haircut, even made him use this enchanted eye cream to get minimise the dark circles that were permanently etched on his face from all the sleepless nights in your absence. Mother knows how excited he was to see you. He had barely thought of anything else since he was told of your arrival and has thought of a thousand different scenarios of how your reunion will go. The last one involved you running into his arms and him happily spinning you around.
The remnants of your scent still linger in your room. Azriel would know, considering he's basically moved into it, but it's not enough anymore. Azriel needs more.
He's been pacing for nearly an hour, Cassian had become dizzy from watching him go back and forth for so long. "Brother, you are worried for nothing. You will see her and all will be well again." Cassian tries to assure him.
Azriel responds by walking over the counter and pouring a glass of whiskey. He stopped when it was about three-quarters of the way full. "Brother, I implore you to think about your decision." Azriel walks the glass over to him and Cassian gives him a smile. "See I'm proud of you, you made the right decision."
Azriel gives a small smile back and walks over to the counter. He then grabs the bottle of whiskey off the counter and presses it to his lips, beginning to chug the remnants. Cassian jumps up and runs to him yelling, "NO-"
The bottle was already finished by the time Cassian got to him. Sulking, he sat down and began to drink his own glass, scared that Azriel might come over there and down it too.
The sun was beginning to set over the horizon, which means the ball was starting soon. Azriel felt as though he couldn't breathe. He was a mix of excitement, nerves, and fear. His chest felt heavy in a way that he has never felt before and he half-contemplated jumping out the window and flying away and never coming back.
It was rare that Azriel would be the one freaking out and Cassian would be the one calming him down but here he was. His brother came over slapped an arm over his shoulder and was grinning at him. "You ready for what could possibly be the greatest evening of your life brother?" The way that Cassian was looking at him and the knowledge that you were going to be there made him almost believe that it could be.
-
You arrive to the gardens of Velaris, the site of the ball, with Eris in tow. To absolutely zero surprise, Rhys had spared no expense for this party. Fae lights swirled around the trees and plans lighting up the gardens while mage lights floated throughout the grounds lighting up in a variety of colours. The garden was illuminated in a way that made all the flowers glow, which was only enhanced by the full moon lighting up the sky. All in all it was the perfect welcome to the Night Court.
-
Azriel has never believed in fate, the idea of an entity controlling his destiny never sat well with him, he believes that he is the one in control of everything he does. He wakes up at the time he chooses, goes to the places he wishes, and will do what he wants. Azriel believes that fate is an excuse for those who fear action. The idea that fate will one day bring to you what you need, so why bother working for it had always bothered him to such a high degree. Azriel believes that he is the master of his fate.
If he is the master of his fate, why are his shadows screaming at him to follow them? Why is he feeling a physical pain in his chest from resisting the pull of his shadows? His shadows had only ever informed, but now they are commanding. They are a part of him and he is meant to have control over them, it's not supposed to be the other way around.
Their whispers had turned into screams and now the shadows were roaring at him to go.
Go where?
GO
They say in unison. He takes a deep breath and tries to hone in on the where the shadows are trying to take him. The world becomes too loud, too bright, too overwhelming and he falls into the pocket of world that only he knows, the one where darkness is a comfort and shadow reigns supreme. The realm of shadow is both a veil and a comfort and under the light of the full moon, he closes his eyes and becomes one with the night.
He is led by pure instinct, letting the shadows carry him through the ever-surrounding darkness of the night. He doesn't know where he is going, but he knows that he needs to be there. Where there is he doesn't fully know yet, but he knows what there feels like. He feels like he's walking towards a comforting light.
He remembers a time in the Illyrian mountains when he was caught in a snowstorm. Devlon said the treacherous conditions didn't matter and made him continue to train his shadowsinger abilities. He took him up the mountain and when they were done with training, Devlon had an evil smile and had wished Azriel luck and winnowed back to camp without him. 12 year Azriel didn't know how to winnow yet, and he was left on the mountain by himself in the midst of a raging blizzard.
The conditions were some of the worst that Azriel had ever seen and he had no idea where he was. He was still learning how to fly, his late start due to his father, and he had no idea how to navigate back to your guys' home. He took a deep breath and imagined what he would come back to once he got home, and everything that he would lose if he didn't make it back alive.
He closed his eyes and began to fly as best he could. He thought of his your mother making everyone hot chocolate, like she always would on a stormy winter day. He thought of Cassian and Rhys fighting over the chair that was closest to the fire. He thought of you. You who would likely be sitting in your guys' spot, pretending to read your book while constantly looking at the door to see if he made it home safe. You with your warm smile and bright eyes, who would refuse to take your cup of hot chocolate Azriel was right in front of him.
He could see the scene as clear as day and feel the warmth and comfort of the cabin. Azriel didn't know how. He just felt it. He followed that feeling of comfort. He refused to die in this storm. He refused to leave you worrying about his whereabouts any longer. He flew and flew - the ice was freezing his wings, and the wind had increased the coldness tenfold. All he could see was white and all he could hear was the howling of the wind, but he kept going forward until he hit a wall.
Not a wall, but a door. He opened the door to see the exact scene he was seeing in his head. The scene that led him here. He had no idea how he got here with no visibility or sign of where he was going.
Rhys' mom had ran to him before anyone else could. His ears and wings had been covered in frostbite, and she immediately threw him into a warm bath. Once he got out, he went to the living room and saw 3 worried faces looking at him. Cassian and Rhys froze mid fight over the chair and you looked up from your upside-down book. He grabbed one of the four hot chocolates on the counter and sat next to you. He finally let out a sigh of relief. You had handed him a blanket and he finally felt at peace. Just the simple act of having you next to him had helped comfort him from all he endured that day.
That's how Azriel was feeling right now. Like he was flying through that storm again towards that feeling of comfort. Towards that feeling of home. He didn't know where his shadows were leading him at first, but now he has a good idea.
He gets out of the realm of the shadows and the first thing he sees is your back. You’re standing next to Eris at one of the entrances of the gardens of Velaris.
He’s hiding behind one of the hedges, contemplating if should go up to you right now or wait until you’re inside when you turn around.
He knows you had always been beautiful, but standing here in front of him with the backdrop of the fae lights and under the glow of the full moon you looked downright ethereal. His heart stopped and his breath caught. It felt like the ground beneath him gave out.
He took a deep breath and it was your scent that had permeated through the air and he felt it all. The feeling of comfort. The feeling of home.
He felt it snap and the world as he knew it came crumbling down.
Mother almighty you were his mate.
-
note: This chapter had gone very different than I originally planned, but it spoke to me and this is what demanded to be written besides who doesn't love a good cliffhanger. I do hope it doesn't feel rushed, but I feel like Azriel needs to suffer the way the reader did. Now he's dealing with a fresh mating bond and she's the one who's indifferent and he has to try to act normal and you know Eris won't make it easy for her. The next chapter is going to be complete chaos and I can't wait to see you all next time for it, until next time loves <3
note note: I may have lied about the whole editing thing, I'll go back and fix all the chapters...eventually...
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#azriel#azriel x reader#acotar fic#azriel fic#azriel x you#acotar#azriel acotar#azriel fanfic#azriel shadowsinger#azriel angst#azriel spymaster#wm series#azriel x reader series#acotar fanfiction#azriel hc#azriel x reader hc#azriel x reader angst#azriel series#acotar series#a court of thorns and roses#azriel fanfiction
Why you? (Part IV to Why me?)
azriel x rhys' sister! reader
angst/eventual comfort (Now Azriel is in his healing era, don't worry he does suffer in this chapter so prepare for the azriel angst. You can't be in a healthy relationship when you are mentally at your worst and lashing out at everyone around you and Azriel is learning this the hard way.)
Summary: When you walk in on Azriel and Elain the mating bond snaps leading you to flee to Autumn with Eris so you can be free of Azriel. Your absence causes Azriel to come to some drastic realisations, but is it already too late and has your time in Autumn led to you moving on?
-
They say that misery breeds loneliness, or was it misery likes company, either way Azriel couldn't remember how it went but he knew he felt miserable and alone.
You were gone and Rhys had banned him from seeing Elain, even though it didn't matter. He couldn't even look at her without feeling crushing guilt. Guilt for considering killing your friend for the sole reason of him wanting to fight for his mate, which any honorable fae male would have done. Guilt for possibly driving you out from the Night Court. Guilt for dragging Elain into this and then ignoring her.
To say that Azriel has been a mess would be an understatement. After needing to sleep in your bed to calm himself down the night you left, he hasn't had a decent night's sleep. At this point, his dark circles had dark circles, he hadn't shaved, and he has basically been on autopilot for the past 3 months.
Him and Rhys hadn't been on good terms for the first month, but he came around and apologised for the way he spoke to him. They were civil, but Azriel didn't know how he could be close with him again after what he said. If you were there you would have played the peacekeeper, telling him what to say and scolding Rhys for his lack of sensitivity. He thinks about you more than he would care to admit, which is saying something because he's been admitting it a lot lately.
The first 2 weeks were so rough for Azriel that he threw himself into his work, not talking to anyone and even missing his training which he can't recall having ever done. He walked into the training ring and first thing Cassian did when he saw him for the first time since the night you left was laugh and say, "Oh brother, you look a bit rough for wear. You have obviously had better days."
Azriel didn't say anything. His face was set in the same straight-faced look that he had been wearing every day. He just walked up to Cassian and began fighting him. You would think that missing 2 weeks of training out of the hundreds of years wouldn't make a difference, but he had lost every single sparring match between him and Cassian. You would have loved to see it, you probably would have been on the sidelines laughing saying that Azriel needed to be humbled with his snowball fight record. His thoughts strayed to you and he was immediately snapped out of it by Cassian landing a blow on his right jaw sending Azriel to the ground."
"You seem distracted brother. I am always here if you want to talk." He holds his hand out as a truce, but Azriel doesn't take it. He was upset and in pain and feeling a flurry of emotions that he didn't know how to deal with. He picked himself up and told Cassian, "I appreciate it brother, but I don't need you or Nesta or Rhys trying to fix me." Granted he realised he was being a bit dramatic, but his adrenaline was high and didn't know how to deal with what he was feeling, let alone what he was feeling.
Azriel turns his back on Cassian, beginning to storm off from the training ring. "You think she would want you to suffer in Silence? To keep hurting everyone else because you're trying to outrun your problems? " Azriel stilled. "If she cared enough, she wouldn't have left. Why should I care about myself when she is so repulsed by me that she would prefer an enemy of the Night Court's company over mine?" His voice was ice that sending shivers down Cassians spine, this was the feared Spymaster of the Night Court speaking, not his brother.
"For someone who's job it is to collect information, you truly do not know anything." Cassian shook his head and took off into the sky before Azriel could say anything.
Great now that's two of his brother's that he's not on great terms with. Things with Cassian continued to be tense and since he was also on Rocky grounds with Rhys, things had become a bit awkward with Feyre and Nesta. Yes they were polite and would invite him to things and he would still have his weekly coffee with Nesta, but things were a lot more tense since they couldn't even bring up their mates.
No one in the inner circle would bring you up, not to Azriel at least. He knew they talked about you and Azriel, both in friendly hangouts he wasn't invited to and the family dinners that he had been dodging. He knew that they probably had a lot to say when the insomnia had gotten so bad that he needed to take residence in your room. He doesn't know the exact details because the shadows have been withholding information from him too. Just what he needed another person who had an issue with him, this one actually being part of him.
At this point he was on the best terms with Amren which actually started an unlikely friendship. He must have looked so pathetic for Amren to invite him over for tea. It started with talks of the prison, which then led to the inner circle, which then led to inner workings of the Night Court. Tea with Amren became a normal ordeal, she didn't treat him differently and was the same blunt Amren she's always been. It was a good distraction.
He wore the gloves you had gifted him regularly, even if his hands weren't bothering him, he liked the sense of comfort he felt when he wore them. He still felt a mix of emotions when he thinks about your departure, he's angry with you for leaving him here like this, sad because he feels like you have given up on him, and most of all feeling like he's an idiot because all he wants is for you to come home. To come back to him.
Rhys had assigned him on his first mission, a recon mission in the Dawn Court. Azriel had begged to go to the Autumn Court, to at least check on you and make sure you're okay, but Rhys immediately shut him down every time. It's a two week long mission and he was ready to go. The blade you gave him for Solstice had been left in your desk, since Azriel moved to your room. It was too special to him to risk damaging it, so he left it there but he feels like he wouldn't be doing your gift justice if he didn't wear it on his mission.
At this point it had been about 6 weeks without you. He took the blade from the sheath you had also had made for him and inspected it. The silver metal shone in the sunlight, and the blade was the thinnest and sharpest he had ever seen. Outside the silver edge of the blade there was a clear outlining that went all the way around the edges of the blade. He assumed this was the blood bind, so Azriel took the blade and sliced his left hand. The blood weld and the blade absorbed it, the clear lining turned red with blood and once it had decided that was enough blood spilled to activate the blood bond, the red turned into a shimmering black.
Azriel admired and then sheathed the blade. He turned and looked at himself in the mirror and almost jumped at the sight. He truly did look terrible, the beauty of the blade you had crafted for him a contrast over his current ragged state. Your blade. That you had made for him.
Azriel knew he hadn't been the greatest friend lately. He skipped the things you guys would usually do to try and get to know Elain better, his reasoning being you guys have already spent so much time together and would have so much more. He wishes he could go back in time and deck himself for even thinking that. He misses your coffee runs. He misses pranking Rhys with you. He misses laughing with you at Cassian being well Cassian. He misses your laugh.
He doesn't even need you there, he would take whatever small part of you he can and would happily thank the Mother for even allowing him that small respite. He's coming to realise that in the midst of his cruel and miserable existence, you had been the one ray of light in his life and that when the Mother decides that it's his time and he's nothing more than stardust scattered across the universe or the Mother decides to take her revenge for the sins he's committed in this life that it's the sound of your laugh that would carry him away. If the Mother was good she would allow him the luxury of scattering you with him, but ashes are plentiful and he only needs a single ember.
In the silence of your room, haunted by the ghost of your absence Azriel breaks. Tears stream down his face for the second time in this very spot and realizes that something needs to change, that he needs to change.
When Azriel returns from his mission, he knocks on Cassian's door. Cassian opens the door, his face is straight and devoid of his usual smile. "Are you finally ready to talk or am I going to have to kick your ass again and watch you storm off and brood some more." Azriel begins to feel shy, it is not a feeling that is common to him nor one he likes. This was already very hard for him, but he also forgot that Cassian was Cassian and he wouldn't allow him to walk in like nothing happened. Azriel knods and looks at Cassian with determination in his eyes, "I'm ready." Cassian matches his seriousness and then breaks down in laughter and brings Azriel into a bone-crushing hug. "I'VE MISSED YOU BROTHER." Azriel normally would have tried to get out of it, but he needed this.
Azriel sat down and told Cassian his problems. All of them. They started mid-day and didn't end until passed out after sunrise. He told him about feeling worthless and left out. He told him about you and how he doesn't know what he did or how to fix it but does know he's going insane like this. He talked about Rhys and how that whole situation had really affected him, Cassian had no idea and was so upset that he left for an hour or two and came back bloodied. 15 minutes later Nesta came in and brought him bandages and ice while telling him good job for putting Rhys in his place.
This became regular for Azriel. Him and Cassian would talk out all his problems one by one and he would actually try to do something to fix them. Cassian talked with Madja, and Azriel was now seeing her regularly as she claimed that "illnesses of the mind must be given the same level of attention as illnesses of the body." He started showing up to family dinners again. He apologised to Elain and told her that he couldn't go on with what they were doing because he wasn't in a place for anything right now and could barely deal with himself. She understood and was happy he was finally getting the help he needed. He told her not to wait for him and that it would be better for them to remain friends and she agreed.
Azriel began doing things for himself. He went to your guys' favourite bakery on the regular. He started reading all the books you had left on your shelf. He even started playing piano again, a hobby he had long forgotten, but only remembered because found his old compositions stuffed in a book on your shelf. He had no clue how you got them, he thought they were all thrown away, but nonetheless he was glad to have them.
Things were looking up for Azriel. The only thing bothering him was that he still didn't have you here or know why you left. No one would tell him anything and they would all shut down around him when you were brought up. Conversations would quiet, and topics would be changed. This confirmed the suspicion he had from the beginning, the reason you left was directly concerned with him.
While he was getting better, Azriel did have his ups and downs. His biggest down was the realisation that you had been writing to every single person except for him and Elain. The shadows had finally decided to start talking to him again and the first thing they had told him is that they caught your scent in the house. He flew like a madman from the other side of Velaris, getting there in record time. He searched for your scent, desperate to see you, when he found a handful of envelopes, all with your name and scrawl. The ink was a dark red and the lines were too thin to be from any of your writing tools. You must be using Eris' then.
This bothered Azriel so much he almost forgot the reason why he was holding these letters. He looked at who they were addressed to and saw every single Inner Circle member had received a letter but him and Elain. He put the letters back on the desk and waited to see if anyone would bring them up. Nothing. His shadows began to update him of their arrivals. You had been regularly corresponding with them and not him. Azriel was crushed.
Nevertheless, he continued with his routine. He saw Madja regularly, became close with his family again, and began to actually do things for himself. The process was difficult and so incredibly hard, especially for someone who had been bottling things up for as long as he had.
He's even been visiting his estate lately to see his mother, as she lives on his property. He avoids her when he isn't doing well, she's been exposed to many cruelties over the span of her long life she doesn't need to deal with more. Talking with his mother has really helped. Her warm smile could brighten any day. He's missed her lately. He has a bad habit of putting the ones that he cares the most about on the back burner, but he's working on it.
It's been 3 months since you left and Azriel is finally feeling better. He was at his weekly session with Madja. It was going really well actually, well it was going really well until she causally says, "And how do you feel about a certain princess' return to the Night Court?" She asked almost sounding like a child teasing their friend in front of their crush. Azriel didn't even pick up on it. His shadows stilled and his eyes went wide. You were coming back? Back to the Night Court? Back to him?
Madja looks at him confused. She tilts her head, "You didn't know?" He shakes his head no. He lets out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and goes, "No I had no idea. I'm still the only one she hasn't spoken to." His tone bitter, but he caught himself and asked, "When is she getting back?" He hopes she'll just forget about his mini outburst just a second ago.
Madja looks surprised and Azriel is even more surprised at her confusion. She has sat here for the past few weeks hearing about him complain about your lack of communication with him, shouldn't she know that he knows nothing of this?
Madja goes, "You do know you have little shadow spies that listen in to all of your conversations?" Good to see that age hasn't dulled her sense of humour. How did he forget about that? Azriel shakes his head and goes,"Fair enough Madja."
She gives him a pitying look and sighs, "She'll come back. As far as your relationship goes, I would recommend talking it out in person. You both obviously have a lot on your minds, your relationship won't be able to move progress until you address this." Madja leans forward, like she's about to tell him a secret. "Now knowing both of you for so long, I can assure you that you guys will be fine. You're fond of each other and your biggest fear is losing each other, it's going to take a lot more than this to ruin you relationship."
Azriel looks at her agape. While this was fairly common knowledge, no one had actually sat him down and told him this. He assumed that you guys were fond of each other in the way he was fond of each of the inner circle members. Now that the dynamics of the inner circle shifted, they were all pairing up and finding their person. While you had always been close to Rhys, Azriel was the one you had usually ended up pairing up with in the end. Azriel had never come to this realisation, his entire life, he had been yearning for someone to pick him, only to drive away the one person who did.
Madja looks at him and he swears she can read his mind. She shakes her head and starts, "You were ready to die for her Azriel, when she was going to be clipped. You put yourself under the mercy of the old high lord for hundreds of years to ensure her safety and you're going to let your relationship fall apart because of what? A misunderstanding?"
Azriel stills, the conversation had escalated very quickly, leaving him speechless. He can't jump to conclusions before he even knew your side. He would talk to you and everything would be okay. It was just one big misunderstanding. It had to be.
He takes a deep breath and revels in his new found peace and clarity. The Azriel of a weeks ago would have angrily stormed off, lashing out at whatever unfortunate victim would check on him to make sure he's okay, but he's getting better now. He isn't anywhere near perfect, he is the same Azriel, but he hopes that when you get back he will be someone that is deserving to have you in their life without taking you for granted.
He takes a deep breath in and out. "Okay. When is the soonest I can speak with her?"
-
note: Azriel self-help arc time! Yes he did suffer for a bit and yes he will suffer a lot more so don't you worry, but I do think he deserves a little respite. He's coming to his senses... slowly. Thank you all for the support on this series I know we've hit a bit of a slow point in the storyline but there will be the reunion in the next episode which will be explosive one way or another so keep an eye out for that. Until next time loves!
note note: I probably will stop putting out chapters at this speed because I want to actually be able to edit them and the next parts are really important to the story and I do want to get it right :)
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