i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

Source

This is way better than straight up telling your kid “Santa isn’t real.”

I never thought about it this way, and it makes me really happy

(repeated like a mantra while rubbing my temples) i will stay silly and not allow the world to make me bitter and cruel. i will stay silly and not allow the world to make me bitter and cruel. i wi

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

tags by @eridan-ampora

Update: this is the best post I've ever made because everyone is sharing their Warm Beverage recipes in the notes. Go check the notes for more Warm Beverages That Will Fix You.

Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about missing his mother after she recently passed away.

“When I miss her I remember it’s because she made me so happy, I can celebrate her & miss her at the same time”

Charles Dance fanboying about Dame Judi Dench and Dame Maggie Smith

Queens of Awesome

Art by Essi Välimäki

Babe are you okay you reblogged "am I no good?" 15 times

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

Also drink water and eat a plant

This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:

I turn 50 this year. what I have learned in my 40s:

Just turned 60 and let me say:

This is too tempting…, so, I’m 74, and: don’t fund startups

Please keep stretching and exercise enough NOT to need an elaborate strategy to get up from the floor. IT MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE

Say bye to your employer as early as you possibly can, unless you really love your job. You won’t be sorry.

Keep doing the annual checkups 🙏🏼

Enjoy that fucking hobby you’ve acquired in your 50, or find something new. Do try new things & adventures.

speechless. the pose. the expression. this should be a painting.

i'm no good at painting sorry. i have excessive line work instead

This is why I dislike looking back on the past as if everything has been constantly improving to get us to where we are now

Our cement isn't as strong as the Romans, our steel isn't as strong as Damascus steel, we cannot replicate the beauty of a Stradivari violin, we've already lost some of the technology that flew Apollo and Gemini to space

And when I live out a suitcase I have to sift through a pile of stuff like a neanderthal

Reblogging because: unashamedly-enthusiastic is absolutely correct about Roman concrete, various formulations of steel thought beyond the means of the societies that had swords made from it, and how Antonius Stradivarius knew something no one else does. To which I add: An 1890 typewriter still works while a 1990 typewriter does not, and the memes about 1970s kitchen appliances outliving you while the thing you bought last year will crap out next year are true.

... not to mention the architecture

so I go to animation school now

please unmute this

That was… not what I expected it to be but I am delighted

What did the people of Tumblr ever do to deserve this

We are not worthy

my last two brain cells

perhaps some will disagree, but i think the world got worse when we changed the colour of the night

this is what i mean

Via @bulbaderp

To be clear, THIS is how nights of the future should be lit

This is bat friendly street lighting, which not only looks sick as fuck but allows bats to pass through without disturbance, as they cannot see red.

orange and especially white lights deter bats and prevent them from reaching feeding grounds at nighttime. Please if you can, write to your local council and encourage red street lights!!!!

That's metal

This is more punk than the whole of punk history.

I’ll tell you what’s ferocious. Freddie’s comeback to Sid calling him “Freddie Platinum” when they were recording down the hall from each other at London’s Wessex Studios (Queen for News of the World, Pistols for Bollocks).

Sid Vicious made the mistake one day of bursting into Queen’s control room and antagonizing their frontman. “Have you succeeded in bringing ballet to the masses, then?” he sneered. “Oh, yes, Simon Ferocious,” Mercury replied. “We’re trying our best, dear.” 

Then, according to Queen biographer Daniel Nester, Freddie rose from his chair and began to playfully flick the safety pins displayed on the front of Sid’s leather jacket. “Tell me,” he asked, “did you arrange these pins just so?” When Sid stepped forward in an attempt to intimidate Freddie, the singer simply pushed him backwards and inquired, “What are you going to do about it?” Sid immediately backed down. [x]

Freddie Mercury may very well have had the biggest dick energy of anyone who ever lived

Tags from @thirddeadlysin

You go girl

(Will never not reblog this beauty. What genius.)