pro tip for recovering addicts

TW: Addiction, Alcohol dependency

as someone currently working through a moderate addiction to alcohol, there is something that actually really has helped me recently: replacement and going nuclear.

i would like to say that this method is not fool proof, and it will not work for people who have not completely accepted their addiction or have severe addiction. also, i am only dealing with alcohol dependency, so this may not work for others. even if you are struggling with alcohol, this might not work for you, but here's something that has helped me.

going nuclear, so don't even bother with trying to convince yourself it's going to be just one sip or one night. if you didn't trust yourself earlier that day, you probably shouldn't trust yourself now. so i've been doing the Most™ and simply applying brute force against myself. here's what i've been doing.

here's another thing that isn't really 'nuclear', but has helped: i got a snow cone machine... just a tiny one i found on clearance. whenever i got the urge to drink, i'd make a snow cone. i didn't think it would work as well as it has, but i think the dopamine hit from that does help to curb things.

not everyone can quit cold turkey, but everyone should do their best to outsmart their addiction when they can. you'll fuck up, but that doesn't mean that you are a fuck up. it's gonna be okay. maybe not today, or tomorrow, or the next day, but it will be one day.

my best advice is to do the easiest thing you can do right now. pick one item of trash up and throw it away. put the toothbrush back in its holder. hang the towel up. put an article of clothing in the hamper. by doing just one of those you’ve achieved 100% more than you would’ve otherwise. having 99 problems will always be better than having 100 problems, full stop.

what even is adult

im too tired for this. and also tired. did i say tired? i meant tired lol my bad.

felt the AuDHD solidarity in this ask. i've been struggling with these feelings a lot lately, and unfortunately have literally the most terrifying solution to provide: tell them how you feel.

"Sometimes, I feel that I listen to you more than you listen to me."

it's a very blunt statement, but when it comes to people like us, i find that bluntness is really the best weapon you can have. i often add 'forgive my bluntness, AuDHD and all,' as a precursor in case i am worried that someone will simply see me as being rude. i'm dead certain someone is going to come into my ask box like 'u can't use ur dx as an excuse to b rude!!!!' and i'm sorry loves xoxo but i don't feel it's an excuse when used in this context; it's an explanation of why my statement may be blunt, but i am not trying to be rude, simply trying to convey my whole existence to you as simply as i can. you can interpret the sentence as rude, to which i would interpret your reaction as defensive and unwilling to understand. which is worse!!

also, if you're saying that you're nonverbal just to avoid arguments, you could be having a legitimate anxiety attack. those can manifest in seeking out routes of avoidance in anxiety triggering situations.

regardless!!

from there i would honestly copy and paste (with some minor edits) what you've sent to me here. you should outline your feelings exactly as they are. you've stated them beautifully and i think people might benefit from reading what you've said. truly, you are a very proficient communicator through writing.

if you think it may help to provide personal examples, then i would list two or three. it typically does help them to understand, but if you're dealing with someone who is very volatile/vindictive, i would avoid specific examples as much as you can. they tend to latch onto your lived experiences and hold them above your head, so giving them an opportunity to go 'omg they're so dramatic they thought this thing meant some other thing' is a no go.

also, between you, me, and everyone else who reads this post, if you feel they are this way, perhaps you should distance yourself as i have yet to meet anyone who is like this and has been a net benefit to my life. unless you have some kind of obligation with them, in that case i can only extend my deepest empathy and urge you to seek out ways to become independent as soon as possible, when it is possible... and if you feel it is not, then i would like to assure you that it is! it can feel {and can also be} very difficult, but that does not mean it is impossible], then i would

emotional boundaries are best conveyed in the way that geographical boundaries are: laid out in simple language, with simple directions, and a simple consequence. that last part is honestly extremely important. obviously it's not something that actually affects them directly, like 'i will fucking murder you' (that's just an uncreative and illegal threat), but more like 'when you do this, it makes me feel this way, and when i feel like that, i might/feel uncomfortable/avoid you'. you're outlining exactly what the problem is and what may/will happen when it occurs. that sets a firm line for people to reference. furthermore, when they cross that line, you can simply restate what you've said before.

hang in there friend. you aren't frustrating, you just haven't found the uniquely shaped space that fits your uniquely shaped peg. but you've def found the hammer to secure things later on, i promise.