MIDNIGHT AT FIVE

The only thing being "locked in" is you in the torture dungeon

therapist who is trying to run the clock out: so tell me more about how naruto has affected ur life

therapist 3 hours after our session time had expired: so sasuke just leaves??? after all that he still chooses to go? wtf. no wonder ur fucked up

"happy april fools day!" wouldnt even notice with the type of shit i got goin on

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually

they don't make staying up until 3am fun and exciting like they used to

Sometimes little pleasures in life are loadbearing. Whenever someone is like "If you'd just give up tea and coffee and sugar and--" im like I'll stop you right there. Because if you finish that sentence i am going to kill everyone in this building and then myself. If i have to face the horrors of the world without my little jar of caramel flavoured instant coffee i am going to go full American Psycho. Believe it or not, my main priority in life is not to have perfect teeth or be an Olympic athlete or look like a supermodel, but to actually enjoy living, because I spent far too long not doing that and it royally sucked. And boy, some people don't like hearing that. Particularly dentists

not to sound like a christian facebook mom but some of yall need to have grace in your hearts for the people in your lives or the people you pass once on the road and never see again like you literally need to stop assuming the worst of everyone and their intentions it is poisoning your brain. you can be careful and responsible without being a miserable person. it is possible i promise

every night I think “wow this might be the night I go to bed early” and every time without fail I fuck it up

what will it be, boss? the comfort of misery or the pain of change?

i am

An icon.

the fact that webkinz named a species "googles" and never backed down from it is really funny to me because like. nintendo changed the dialogue of a throwaway npc in a zelda game once because she said "yahoo!" and they were scared they'd get sued by yahoo but ganz is just like. yeah no we don't care if google is the biggest search engine and owns an obscene amount of sites and properties. thats our funny platypus so.

could you tell *this* face to change its name for copyright law. Could You.

— Unknown

may your next lover be the reason you’ve waited and endured for so long.

Last romance. Last lover.