You Could Make This Place Beautiful

New blog intro for my own satisfaction:

I got on Tumblr to put together my story, I made this side blog in an attempt to declutter it.

I'm a bi genderqueer neurodivergent white American middle-class (but grew up lower-class) mom. I've had parenting as a special interest since I was a teenager but I'm still new to the journey of actually doing it. I'm trying to lead my family with love at the center and a LOT of clutter in the margins.

I approach everything I do with an intersectional feminist lens, so I'm really annoying. Sorry about that.

We're teaching my 1.5yo some sign and for some reason, he's picked up the British Sign Language sign for "orange" instead of the American Sign Language one.

Nobody else thinks it's funny when I describe this as "saying orange with a British accent", but I will persist.

Protesting as a family

Personally, I see great value in getting the whole family involved in a protest, if it's aligned with your family values. It can start valuable conversations with little ones, it can help your kiddos to understand what your family values are, and it can support a sense of agency to combat overwhelm and hopelessness.

At the same time, parents and guardians are first responsible for everyone's safety, so you need to be smart if bringing littles to a protest.

Here are some ideas I have, but I'm a baby in the protest space and would love to learn from others here too:

Even when things are uneventful, I also think it's important to talk about the protest both before and after to help kids develop their expectations and contextualize their experiences.

Love this one by Loryn Brantz ❤️

Sometimes, learning to love yourself is the best parenting choice you can make.

Full poem text under the cut:

No kisses

Will ever be as sweet

As my sixteen-month-old

Trying to avoid

Bedtime

ADHD makes being a good parent harder in so many ways, but today I literally forgot TV was an option so we had a very interactive day despite my partner being sick.

Loryn Brantz ❤️

One of my biggest lessons of parenthood so far is that truly every child and every parent-child relationship is different. I think we'd all benefit from learning to say "my child did/needed/wouldn't/etc." instead of assuming we know universal rules for children.

Tonight, while rocking my one-and-a-half year old to sleep, I broke a little thinking of Mahmoud Khalil and his pregnant wife, the other protestors who will surely be jailed, the migrant families separated.

You only get one chance to be present in your young children's lives, to form a secure bond, to help them find steady ground from which they can flourish. So many of us suffer in ways big and small because we lacked that.

And to think of all of the children who will grow up with a hole, a sense of doubt, an abandonment wound because of the cruelty of our policies and politicians hurts me more than words can say.

Today I'm wearing a real bra

with no easy-access clasps and no milk stains

I bought the cabbage leaves and the peppermint tea

and I can finally try the medication

to help

me handle

motherhood.

Goodnight boobs

Goodnight food

Goodnight hungry midnight mood

Goodnight fenugreek, Goodnight dates

Goodnight nursing top I hate

Goodnight flanges, Goodnight valves

Goodnight freezer math, Goodnight salve

Goodnight mastitis

Goodnight glider

Goodnight little nipple biter ❤️

I didn't miss it,

the hair-trigger tear ducts and flood of joy

it took until my baby had been in the world almost as long as he lived in my womb, but

the joy still found me.

I've got ADHD and I have a toddler. I also was raised primarily by a mother who didn't know she had ADHD, and her unmanaged symptoms have left a LOT of damage.

So when I get massively dysregulated (and sometimes I do, despite my best prevention efforts), I want a way to cope that isn't screaming, sulking, throwing things, slamming doors, blaming.

My biggest "hack" right now is that whenever you feel like yelling , you can sing really loud instead. It allows the release of yelling while bringing some levity to what could otherwise be a scary situation. It does help to have thought in advance about a couple songs that would feel good to sing when you're angry or frustrated or overwhelmed, but even just singing your thoughts can help.

People will really look into the face of someone who birthed a child 6 months ago and say "I heard the pain of teething is so bad that an adult couldn't handle it"

One of the things that surprised me most about becoming a parent was how so many people in parenting spaces seem almost... Militant? about their way of doing things.

More than any other experience I've had so far, parenthood has made it clear to me that everybody's journey is different and different things work for different people.

So much of this feels SO HARD and I feel like we need solidarity and kindness, but instead it feels most of what I hear and see is

Sleep when the baby sleeps,

sleep when the baby sleeps.

No special instructions for the baby who won't sleep,

the one who falls asleep feeding and cries when they stop,

the one who only falls asleep in your arms, and you know

alone, on their back, with nothing in the crib.

Sleep when the baby sleeps, except

Pump after every feed to get your supply up, and

Sterilize pump parts after every use, and

Don't forget to shower because self-care is important! :)

Sleep when the baby sleeps,

don't worry about the laundry, or the dishes, or sitting down for a meal with two hands.

Don't worry about maintaining an interest or a friendship to sustain your sense of self.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Dream of getting through this.