remember. when faced with the rise of fascism it is always the most important thing to start vitriolic and divisive online discourse about who is more oppressed

bots literally do this in live political feeds. last night during Booker’s filibuster, I saw one just keep saying about once a minute “nobody has it worse than indigenous people” which was ignored. then sixty seconds later the same account says “nobody has it worse than women” which again, thankfully was ignored.

they’re even more obvious than undercover cops at a protest.

WAIT. there's TWO important things that are happening on june 5th. you know what this has to mean

[ID: screenshots of the Deltarune release date, which is June 5th, and of the Aromantic Visibility Day date, which is also June 5th. Below is an edit of the "Sasuke Has Become Catholic" meme that now reads: "Deltarune Has Become Aromantic," with a picture of Kris in front of the aro flag, making a peace sign. End ID.]

"There's no way in hell there was an actual supervillain who actually called themselves-"

"No, no, not officially - we came up with the name when we were assigned to find them, and we were kind of taking the piss, but it's still a good name. It was before your time - they had the power to-"

"I don't want to know what their power was."

"No, listen - their power was that they could summon a pie and throw it at someone."

"Oh. Oh, well, okay - that's the greatest supervillain you've ever fought? Doesn't sound like much."

"But that was the thing. They could throw a pie at someone and it would never miss. So long as they could see their target they'd hit them. We eventually found out they could throw a pie at someone who was on live broadcast, miles away."

"Jesus. Okay, I think I see the issue. But it was still, like. Pies, right?"

"Oh, for sure, it was never poison pies, and they could only summon a pie every 15 seconds so they couldn't drown someone in meringue. But - do you remember Murgatroyd Bentley?"

"Sort of, he was president when I was a little kid - something, something superhuman rights, and he was the guy who nuked Saskatchewan, right?"

"That's the guy. We found out about this guy after the Humboldt Crisis, because after that, whenever there was a live broadcast with the president - the state of the union, addressing congress, the Christmas tree lighting - a pie would splatter across his face every fifteen seconds."

"…Is that it?"

"Hon, it was everything. You haven't lived until you've seen the president try to talk about dignity while being smacked in the face with a banana cream. By the end of term, he refused to show his face in public, and he resigned in quiet disgrace. There were a few other pieings for a few years, but nowhere near the amount that took place when Bentley was president, and eventually they stopped. We never found out who or even where this person was.

"And that - more than anything - makes them the greatest supervillain I've ever had to deal with. Because they didn't do much, but they did it loudly, they did it consistently, and we never caught them."

"...How hard were you trying to catch them?"

"Not very."

"And you decided to call them Dr. Creampie?"

"We were young. The president had just bombed Saskatchewan. It was a weird time. Honestly we took what we could get for laughs."

biggest reason i make so many flop posts on here is because everything i do reeks of the desperation to make a popular tumblr post. this is deliberate, because it is what protects me from ACTUALLY making a popular tumblr post. so long as i crave it, tumblr fame will never find me. it is only when i turn away, and accept my fate of obscurity, that people will lay their eyes upon me. and it WILL be because i tripped and fell on my stupid face while i was turning

time for people to do the funniest thing ever

Do not.

character misses their shot and the villain goes "ha! you missed." and the main character goes "did i?" and then shoots the villain again while they're frantically looking around the room for what the hero could possibly have aiming for instead

i hate the notes on this so much so many people are saying shit like "and then the hero shoots the villain while they're looking around!! XD" THAT'S WHAT THE POST ALREADY SAID. THAT'S THE ENTIRE JOKE.

There's a Pukicho post like this I need to find it

Edit: found it

maybe... they DIDN'T miss part of the post...! (starts frantically looking around)

(i shoot you while youre looking around)

and then while i'm frantically looking around you shoot me for real this time XD

Omg you missed part of the post

did i? 😏

(frantically looks around)

(i raise my gun to shoot you while you're distracted but the bullet i already fired ricochets all around the room and hits me in the back of the head, killing me instantly)

JAJAKDJFXJKWKAK&&3&;992lekda+{}{+\=\==2858/9/9/&38;9/&:;&:&/&:.

Maybe it’s not Daddy issues, but you got some issues if you’ve willing put the mark of Cain on yourself!

What other people put on their body is generally no one else’s business, and they do not have “issues” for doing something that has meaning to them. Don’t reblig shit to sound condescending about people you don’t know, regardless of what personal meaning that symbol has to you. Let people be people jesus christ

What @redwing said

who cares about supernatural can we talk about the way his tits bounce

Date of origin: Apr 4, 2021

whys combat and military gear always got to look so fucking cool when the people wearing them just objectively arent. thats unfair

this goes for like, all of time. knights are serving the KING? the fucking KING?

you cant serve cunt and the government at the same time come on now pick the right side i know you have it in you

Jesus said this. Matthew 6:24

jesus said this

> sees complaints that a female character looks "too masculine" or "like an ugly lesbian"

> ask if we got an actual butch character or if shes just a normal looking woman that isnt wearing make up and a dress

> person is visibly confused, i start explaining the difference between actual butch presentation and dress and a woman simply dressing comfortably to avoid indecent exposure

> person laughs and says "she straight up looks like a guy, i can barely tell her apart from the actual men"

> google the character

> shes just a normal looking woman that isnt wearing make up and a dress

> sees complaints that a female character looks "too masculine" or "like an ugly lesbian"

> ask if we got an actual butch character or if shes just a black woman

> person is visibly confused, i start explaining the difference between actual butch presentation and dress and how black women are held to white standards of femininity and are often accused of looking like/being men because of white people applying these standards to them

> person laughs and says "she straight up looks like a guy, i can barely tell her apart from the actual men. why are you bringing race into this?"

> google the character

> shes just a black woman

I have to hand it to Donald Trump, I didn’t think the sequel to the 1932 Great Emu War would be a trade war against the penguin nation but he truly continues to be an innovator in the stupidity industry

Cat carrying kitten

"Tortoiseshell cat carrying her kitten up a flight of stairs. She grips the kitten's scruff in her teeth." - via Wikimedia Commons

black tortoiseshell with low white spotting (calico), red mackerel tabby with low white spotting

“long hair on guys doesn’t make them less masculine. think keanu reeves, jason momoa, danny trejo, or the guy at your local dive bar who rides a motorcycle”

*the crowd nods*

“so long hair doesn’t necessarily determine masculinity”

*the crowd, more hesitant, still nodding*

“butches can have long hair—“

*GUNSHOT*

that wasn't a gunshot, that was my heart stopping and restarting 🥰

*THE CROWD GOES WILD*

I'd rather get 100 million without losing anything

we can't do that but you can get $100 and you won't lose anything

it would take several thousand years to lose a significant portion

It would take a little under 10 millennia to lose a third of that money

More actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel without context, as people kept pointing out things I'd missed:

had a real life cartoon moment. was holding a buncha bags of chips and dropped one, leaned down to pick it up, and dropped another

to add to this. it was literally five of the same thing