When a fic doesn’t fit my head canons but it’s well-written

#he wouldn't fucking say that but i'm getting kind of attached to the guy you invented who did say that

My favorite April Fool’s Day prank, ever.

The ozone can forgive this one, epic prank

“4.34 ct. Oregon (schiller) Sunstone cut by Dan Stair- scissor topped emerald cut. Nice job Dan! The orientation of the schiller is lovely. I love inclusions in colored gems, and this has got to be one of the loveliest- mmmm copper platelets!”

i am God's loudest and most annoying d&d hater

Wizards of the coast is on the phone they want to make you ceo

Ugh im such a little cuck for Nintendo

This is gonna financially ruin my Dad from whom i inherented my nintendo cuck behaviour

the 'male loneliness epidemic' and 'friendzoning' - two phrases that scream 'men's problems require urgent attention, while everyone else's struggles are just background noise.' Newsflash: rejection and loneliness are universal human experiences, not exclusive to men. but when men face them, suddenly it's a catastrophic injustice that can only be rectified by granting them unchecked access to women's time, energy, and bodies. the entitlement is real.

let's set the record straight: women aren't responsible for your emotional well-being. we are not obligated to provide you with companionship, sex, or validation. the notion that we're somehow failing you by not fulfilling these expectations is not only absurd but also dangerously entitled. and if you feel like working on yourself to attract the right woman is too much work you should probably try men, it's okay to be gay.

Men: express literally any sort of problem they have

Feminists who hate them for daring to be born male: How dare you make everything about you! Be a real man and never complain or talk about what you're going through! Your pain is meaningless and your own fault! You are personally responsible for the bad actions of all men everywhere!

"Women aren't responsible for for your emotional well-being." Yeah, nobody is saying that. Except feminists, so you have something to complain about. Whenever men try to discuss their issues amongst themselves, it's feminists like you who butt in and throw a fit. You could just leave them to it, but

If i was serious about this id put a french fry machine in all the bars that don't serve food and give em 10-15%

I need investors...

I'm howling, I know shit about the newest Snow White Disney regurgitation but I just clicked on it on iMDb and-

1.8 stars????? I didn't think that was possible. I clicked on it and-

IT'S EVEN FUCKING LOWER THAN THAT IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE OBVIOUSLY PAID-FOR 10S. Like even the other two recent disasters are higher than that!

This is where it occured to me to check something and-

IT'S RATED SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER THAN A MOVIE MADE PURPOSEFULLY TO BE AS GROSS AND HORRIBLE AS POSSIBLE. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT??????

IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THE SEQUEL OF A SEQUEL OF A HORROR MOVIE MADE EXCLUSIVELY BECAUSE TOM CARDY MADE A SONG ABOUT IT.

I think I'm going to pirate this and watch it out of sheer morbid curiosity.

I couldn't help myself, I went on a quest to find a movie worse than this. A bit hard, because iMDb doesn't let you sort by the lowest rated 250, but I managed.

BEHOLD! The movies that managed to get a worse rating than Snow White!

Pledge this!

I actually saw this one when I was, uh, probably way too young for it. It's about Paris Hilton being a sadistic tyrant of some posh university and it includes charming scenes of her making aspiring college students eat leftover sushi from dog bowls and spraying whipped cream on her boyfriend's dick to make her dog give him a blowjob. Definitely worse than Snow White, right?

Well-

Enough people thought it was at least ironically funny to give it a 3.7 mean so it's, technically, NOT worse than Snow White. I guess Paris Hilton is at least hot.

Next, we have:

A very promising title! Apparently it's a sequel of a Turkish film 'The Man Who Saved the World', (which in itself is apparently 'Turkish Star Wars') and which one reviewer called 'mindbogglingly awful'. Hold on, let me show you the funniest part of one review:

This movie is so bad it interferes with one's inner peace! Surely not even Snow White is THAT bad.

Except-

To be fair, Turks in Space is a sequel of a problematic cult favorite, so it still manages to have some fans. My condolences to the person whose inner peace was disturbed, I hope you moved to a Tibetan monastery in 2019 and haven't had internet acess since. Hell, 2024 would be be better than seeing this.

Okay, by now iMDb algorhythm or whatever it is has figured out what I want and grudgingly started offering me its worst rated movies. Unfortunately...

It turns out it's REALLY FUCKING HARD to make a movie that is so universally unappealing. Even the worst movies so far have at least a dozen people who gave it a pity rating and a few maniacs who think it's unintentionally the best thing ever. Finding something below 1.8 is actually pretty hard!

But I prevailed and found this!

It's a very bad german vanity film about... I don't know, some guy who won a talent show once? The reviews speak for themselves:

'Cultural equivalent of stoning the viewer to death'. Wow. Have we finally found the most universally hated movie of all-

NOPE! Turns out even camcorder vanity projects have their fans. And mind you, this movie at least didn't cost 250 million to make! Considering how cheap it looks and that some people went to war with the German Amazon to track it down, I think it actually made more money than it cost anyway.

And so my search for a movie hated more than Snow White continues!

We're taking a turn for the absurd, and while these are TECHNICALLY a series, I have found TWO things that have made me nearly burst my spleen.

We have...

Literally just a collection of Charli D'Amelio's videos. I have to admit I had to google who the fuck that was.

But she still isn't what we're looking for. She does get an honorable mention because it's on her page that I found THIS.

People wiser than me have already realised what this is, but alas. I am an idiot. The 'ape' part should have tipped me off, but in my defense, seeing only half of that monkey's head was probably on purpose because you realize it instantly once you see it.

I had to open my computer, open youtube in a private window and then carefully copy it over here without opening it because I don't want Youtube algorhythm to catch so much as a whiff of it. But yes. It's exactly what it says on the tin.

HOWEVER.

It is, by the virtue of at least the people who went blind at the Bored Ape concert, NOT the most universally hated movie! Snow White continues to edge out some VERY stiff competition!

EFAP did an episode comparing the original to the remake. It's long, of course, but worth a listen.

I'm howling, I know shit about the newest Snow White Disney regurgitation but I just clicked on it on iMDb and-

1.8 stars????? I didn't think that was possible. I clicked on it and-

IT'S EVEN FUCKING LOWER THAN THAT IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE OBVIOUSLY PAID-FOR 10S. Like even the other two recent disasters are higher than that!

This is where it occured to me to check something and-

IT'S RATED SIGNIFICANTLY LOWER THAN A MOVIE MADE PURPOSEFULLY TO BE AS GROSS AND HORRIBLE AS POSSIBLE. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT??????

IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN THE SEQUEL OF A SEQUEL OF A HORROR MOVIE MADE EXCLUSIVELY BECAUSE TOM CARDY MADE A SONG ABOUT IT.

I think I'm going to pirate this and watch it out of sheer morbid curiosity.

I couldn't help myself, I went on a quest to find a movie worse than this. A bit hard, because iMDb doesn't let you sort by the lowest rated 250, but I managed.

BEHOLD! The movies that managed to get a worse rating than Snow White!

Pledge this!

I actually saw this one when I was, uh, probably way too young for it. It's about Paris Hilton being a sadistic tyrant of some posh university and it includes charming scenes of her making aspiring college students eat leftover sushi from dog bowls and spraying whipped cream on her boyfriend's dick to make her dog give him a blowjob. Definitely worse than Snow White, right?

Well-

Enough people thought it was at least ironically funny to give it a 3.7 mean so it's, technically, NOT worse than Snow White. I guess Paris Hilton is at least hot.

Next, we have:

A very promising title! Apparently it's a sequel of a Turkish film 'The Man Who Saved the World', (which in itself is apparently 'Turkish Star Wars') and which one reviewer called 'mindbogglingly awful'. Hold on, let me show you the funniest part of one review:

This movie is so bad it interferes with one's inner peace! Surely not even Snow White is THAT bad.

Except-

To be fair, Turks in Space is a sequel of a problematic cult favorite, so it still manages to have some fans. My condolences to the person whose inner peace was disturbed, I hope you moved to a Tibetan monastery in 2019 and haven't had internet acess since. Hell, 2024 would be be better than seeing this.

Okay, by now iMDb algorhythm or whatever it is has figured out what I want and grudgingly started offering me its worst rated movies. Unfortunately...

It turns out it's REALLY FUCKING HARD to make a movie that is so universally unappealing. Even the worst movies so far have at least a dozen people who gave it a pity rating and a few maniacs who think it's unintentionally the best thing ever. Finding something below 1.8 is actually pretty hard!

But I prevailed and found this!

It's a very bad german vanity film about... I don't know, some guy who won a talent show once? The reviews speak for themselves:

'Cultural equivalent of stoning the viewer to death'. Wow. Have we finally found the most universally hated movie of all-

NOPE! Turns out even camcorder vanity projects have their fans. And mind you, this movie at least didn't cost 250 million to make! Considering how cheap it looks and that some people went to war with the German Amazon to track it down, I think it actually made more money than it cost anyway.

And so my search for a movie hated more than Snow White continues!

We're taking a turn for the absurd, and while these are TECHNICALLY a series, I have found TWO things that have made me nearly burst my spleen.

We have...

Literally just a collection of Charli D'Amelio's videos. I have to admit I had to google who the fuck that was.

But she still isn't what we're looking for. She does get an honorable mention because it's on her page that I found THIS.

People wiser than me have already realised what this is, but alas. I am an idiot. The 'ape' part should have tipped me off, but in my defense, seeing only half of that monkey's head was probably on purpose because you realize it instantly once you see it.

I had to open my computer, open youtube in a private window and then carefully copy it over here without opening it because I don't want Youtube algorhythm to catch so much as a whiff of it. But yes. It's exactly what it says on the tin.

HOWEVER.

It is, by the virtue of at least the people who went blind at the Bored Ape concert, NOT the most universally hated movie! Snow White continues to edge out some VERY stiff competition!

nothing will ever go as hard as this Bionicle commercial

i used ro close my eyes and hold my hands over my ears as a kid when this aired because it made me cry instantly

when i was like 10 this showed up as an ad on some website and paused it and woke my mom up to show it to her because i thought it was the coolest ad in the world and obviously she’d think it’d be the coolest thing in the world too

And you were right

"It shouldn't matter if the government is efficient! It's supposed to waste money!" - a socialist

Yeah, that tracks.

Also, I love how "fascism" means reducing the size and power of the government, according to someone who, um, wants to increase it.

>Mass poverty/underemployment,

The two biggest examples of that in the last 20 years were COVID lockdowns and the subprime crisis. Both caused by the government.

>and the worst wealth disparity since pre-revolution France

And what about the coins that don't go into the community? What about kickbacks and corruption and wastage?

Why assume the money going into the community is all being spent well?

>Investing in systems to make sure no one (in power) is dipping their hands in these community coffers is worth it.

"We need to give the gov't more money and power, to prevent corruption!"

.

>The only thing conservatives are good at, when it comes to the economy, is convincing people that their way works best, even if it's patently false.

>Like with most other stuff, their greatest talent is lying.

"Pay no attention to the many liberals (like socialistexan started the thread to talk about) libertarians, ancaps, and even progressives who are also against government waste. Heck, even some lefists.

Unless this is the type of leftist who says even liberals are actually conservative, so they can feel smug about being the "real" Left..

I refuse to believe anyone is actually this delusional, thus I engage in my own delusion and now this must be satire.

ST once claimed that American and Trump flags were signs of Naziism.

And blocked me for disagreeing.

There's no bottom to their stupidity.

I've said once, and I'll say it again, but the amount of people who went from "bureaucracies are bad" to "every bureaucratic agency is absolutely required and how could you ever think otherwise" in the space if a week is honestly amazing.

Like, how do you actually get people MAD that the IRS fired agents after just being mad that they hired 6000 or them?