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[gayness intensifies]

@ohmightysmiter / ohmightysmiter.tumblr.com

Brit. She/her. I care about books, soccer, video games, Star Wars, and my wife.

at the spelling bee last night a child was sitting on his mom’s lap on stage (she was the contestant beside me in the front row) and i was wearing a chainmail shoulder accent and the four-year-old reached out to poke it so his mom silently grabbed his hand and he whispered “i like that thing” and I whispered back that he could touch it and so he started like tentatively touching the chainmail while i watched the other contestants spell their words and then suddenly he grabbed it in both hands and just shook me violently to hear the sound the chainmail made so his mom stopped him again and I was biting back laughter so hard i almost started crying on stage.

after the bee my friends in the audience were like “why did that kid attack you in the third round”

OP, did that experience leave you-

rattled?

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bendthekneeforthyqueen

The inherent romance of a lover capturing your hand and brushing kisses across your knuckles before flipping it over and pressing their lips to your palm while maintaining eye contact

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

I’m watching Splash (1984) which is a romcom about a guy who falls in love with a mermaid, and when she chooses a human name she chooses Madison and guy says “that’s not a real name, but alright” which seems to imply that Madison was not a name until at least the 80’s and all girls named Madison are actually named after the mermaid. thought you should know

I think...you might be right

what the fuck

being self aware suuuucks like yeah this thought pattern/behavior is stupid and pointless and a symptom. i know this. [does it anyways

preforming my compulsions while rolling my eyes to show i know theyre irrational

fairy tales become so much more interesting when you add political intrigue. the firstborn princess was locked in a tower after losing a war of succession. dragons regularly kidnap heirs to the throne as leverage for land rights treaties. sleeping beauty was doomed to sleep for a century bc of erstwhile trade disputes.

moment of unspeakable beauty today when one of my coworkers called another coworker "judas" for not splitting a can of white monster with her, and i got to watch the guy who sits next to me open a new google tab, type in "jeudis," and say quietly to himself "french thursday...?"

It's not just to have a "do over" that doesn't involve the original cast, it's to cut them out of the royalties. Literally the entire point is to make sure all the money made by Harry Potter goes to transphobes or people willing to work with transphobes.

If you watch it, you are supporting bigotry, hate, and oppression. That's just objective reality. All for a story that you probably have already seen in movie and book form.

There's people in the notes saying they're going to watch it anyway, and you know, I understand how you can start feeling so burned out and numb from the world that it may feel too hard to avoid things that will give you a little immediate relief in some way in order to avoid the long-term impact of funding these things.

But. If you can't bring yourself to avoid watching it, you better at least fucking pirate it.

FYI, Rowling posted this today. She is actively queerphobic, do not support this project in anyway.

I know that this was a foundational thing for so many people. I was one of them. Without Harry Potter, I probably wouldn't be the person I am today.

If you're thinking about watching this anyway because you feel all that nostalgia: It's time to grow up. It's time to move on.

Don't even hate watch it. Make it fail.

It is the easiest thing ever to simply not do anything.

Btw if I say things like “by god” or “good lord” in posts please be aware I don’t mean it in a catholic way I mean it in a 1950s scientist reacting in horror after they create an evil creature in the lab set in the distant future year of 2005

Rosemary? You mean spicy pine needles?

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malus-syl-vestris

Are you insinuating that regular pine needles aren’t spicy???

Regular pine needles are regular

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malus-syl-vestris

Not by rosemary standards

…Have you eaten pine needles?

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malus-syl-vestris

We’ve been friends for like four years, do you seriously have to ask if I’ve eaten pine needles or not

I mean I’m pretty sure you have but I don’t want to assume

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malus-syl-vestris

Of course I’ve eaten pine needles. Various kinds. Singleleaf pinyon is weirdly the best

Are they…

spicy?
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malus-syl-vestris

You know, I’d love to tell you but I’m pretty unclear about what marks the difference between “spice” and “strong-tasting plant that isn’t considered a spice”

I’ll have to eat some pine needles myself then to find out

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malus-syl-vestris

Ok but it only counts if they’re PINE needles and not just any old needle-like leaf off a tree

I’m going to eat every needle-like leaf I see

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malus-syl-vestris

Please Don’t Do That

Needle-Like Leaf Roulette

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malus-syl-vestris

…I’ll accept this plan as long as you promise not to eat any yew leaves.

I can try very hard not to

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malus-syl-vestris

Pine needles are distinguished by the presence of a sheath-like structure at the base of the leaf, almost always holding bundles of two or more leaves. Yews don’t have the sheath thing

It’s time for me to go out into the woods and stare at needle leaves

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malus-syl-vestris

Finally you can gain real insight into my average daily life

this conversation reads like two shakespeare characters who come out in the middle of the play to talk about something completely unrelated for comic relief and then are never heard from again

god fucking dammit gimme a minute

Enter AERUH and MALUS SYL-VESTRIS, a pair of JESTERS.

AERUH I tell thee, rosemary is like a pine but with a spicy taste.

MALUS                         Art thou to claim that needles base of pine have not a spice?

AERUH A needle base of pine is merely base.

MALUS ‘Tis not when held, comparing, to anthos.

AERUH My dearest Malus, needles thou'st eaten?

MALUS How many moons have we as friends seen rise? How many suns have we as friends seen set? Thou sixteen seasons in my heart I’ve held, and hope that I in thine hast been the same. With brotherhood as rich and old as this, thou needst not ask me such frivolities.

AERUH I know thou likely has, to tell the truth, but I would not assume.

MALUS                       Well, yes, I have. A multitude of types I’ve eaten too. I’ll tell thee now: the best (though it is strange) is single-leaf pinyon.

AERUH                     And it has spice?

MALUS I truly wish that I could tell thee this, but now, i'faith, I cannot fully tell, the difference in classifying thus: to say “has spice” or merely “herbal strength”.

AERUH To tell this tale most clearly it would seem that eating needles from a pine’s required.

MALUS Aye, it would seem that that’s the task at hand, but caution tells that this is what’s to do: eat only needles of the honest pine, and none of lying leaf with pinelike shape.

AERUH I’ll eat them all.

MALUS                   I prithee, stay thyself.

AERUH Roulette with leaves.

MALUS                     At least restrain from yew.

AERUH I’ll do my best.

MALUS                That is all can we do. The scholars tell that needles true of pine can be distinguished from the lying yew by sheathlike clothing all along the base; the yew has no such guard.

AERUH                          With this new truth I now will venture out into the wood and seek the pines and pinelike fakes alike to stare them down and learn their secret truths.

MALUS With this thou canst at long and weary last Discover for thyself my life’s own path.

Exeunt.

Enter MACDUFF.

MACDUFF. Yo dudes that king there’s dead. Like dead as FUCK.

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popokko-deactivated20210315

why don’t you plant some lavender and when it blooms you can squeeze a leaf or two between your fingers and the smell will calm you down. how about you do that. bitch

good idea

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popokko

thank you. i have a lot of other good ideas as well

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digitalesnest

such as?

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popokko

have gay sex

Kidd Gorgeous -Nightfish 

[image description: a gif parodying edward hopper’s nighthawks. it depicts the diner filled with water and various fish swimming around inside it. the light from the diner casts reflections through the water onto the street outside. /end description]

good thing he didn’t add a door

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