Reassuring Thighs And A Disarming Twinkle

Had a dream last night that i was a knight and this bigger scarier knight had me on the ground and right before he swung his sword at my neck he said smth like "i mourn the loss of life for the tree who will become your coffin" which shouldnt have turned me on like it did but alas

Imagine The Fellowship all sitting around the campfire halfway up Caradhras retelling the events of the Hobbit to Boromir and Aragorn Rashomon-style with Gimli going "my dad tells it this way" and Legolas going "well, my dad tells it this way" and the Hobbits all going "but Bilbo tells it this way!" and, even though Gandalf was fucking there for half of it, he refuses to weigh in on anything because watching them argue is more fun and also he doesn't remember because it was over 75 years ago.

Even better: Gandalf remembers it perfectly fine but he keeps making shit up and agreeing to multiple different versions just to throw everyone off

Too good to hide in the tags!

When you're out to slay.

When you're quivering in your boots.

Mouse-Warming (1952)

Shit man, this wizard war is fucked. I just saw a guy clap his hands together and say "the ten hells" or some similar shit, and every one around him turned inside out, had their tibia explode and then disappeared. The camera didn't even go onto him, that's how common shit like this is. My ass is casting frostbite and level 2 poison. I think I just heard "power word:scrunch" two groups over. I gotta get the fuck outta here.

love when fictional men are so devoted to their partner it makes them dangerous and insane. very slutty behavior keep it up king

collapses in your arms princess style after casting the biggest evil most fucked up spell you've literally every seen

university professors love to create the most fucked up pdf ever known to mankind. it's enrichment for them.

what HAPPENED here

post by u/ILoveMeeses2Pieces: The Granny Cranny. Home for Wayward Crewel.

swimmy with baby bottle by kasumi oomine

hey sexy. I can tell by the frequency of your blog updates that you are once again avoiding it all

I want to be reading fanfic, not writing it. Unfortunately, I want to be reading very specific fanfic which I will in fact first have to write.

the most important thing to me ever is bi kids knowing that it’s ok to be 10% attracted to women and 90% attracted to men or 10% attracted to men and 90% attracted to women and still feeling ok to identify as bi, and still feeling like their identity is valid, and still feeling like they can lead fulfilling lives with both (or other) genders. like that’s just so fricking important.

I’m a bi adult and you know what? I needed this. Thank you.

it’s also important to remember that it can be a fluid % like sometimes it’ll be 50/50 some times 10/90 and then drift into a 45/65 or even 2/98 and it’s still okay. It’s just where you are at that time in your life. 

That shift is called the bicycle

An adventuring party is in a cage suspended over acid the wizard clears his throat "I just sent a message to my wife she should be here to save us soon." "Wait your married?" Said the rouge "more importantly what is she gonna." The paladin is interrupted by a massive explosion.

"Hang on, hang on, hang on. You're married to a dragon?"

"Half-dragons come from somewhere, you know!" Vrilthacar sounds defensive.

"And you've never told us?"

"Well, it's very important for married people to cultivate different hobbies, you know! You can't go and make someone else's interests your whole life, it isn't healthy. So she has her collection, and I have my adventuring and my dabbling in things man was not meant to know. Our friendship groups don't actually cross over too much, and that's fine."

"But—but pillaging gold from the countryside is something we're supposed to stop—"

"Well, first of all, dragons help fight inflation, especially inflation that would otherwise be caused by adventurers, and second of all, not all dragons collect treasure. That's a stereotype. Honeybee collects dolls. Which admittedly has gotten us into more troublesome situations than gold might, but so long as we provide the haunted ones with suitable enrichment it's usually all right."

"Honeybee."

"Her full name is two minutes long, Tasler. Listen, I'm going to need you to stop doing microaggressions before she rips the roof off the Elder Lich's citadel, all right? Because she has been known to respond with macroaggressions."

Tasler gulps and falls quiet as half the ceiling falls into the acid. "Sugar-pumpkin, are you all right?"

"Completely unhurt!" Vrilthacar calls out cheerfully.

The paladin mouths, sugar-pumpkin??? but very carefully doesn't say it.