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@phenakistoskope / phenakistoskope.tumblr.com

’94 // otherwise // 🌱 🦎

the fever has abated, more or less, but the soles of my feet feel alien to me. an unpleasant texture welded to my body. terrible. terrible. terrible.

from a world not very long ago. printing culture of contemporary urdu digests in delhi. this was given to me for safekeeping yesterday. the old man poet asrar jaamaye, may he rest in peace. i had met him just once and he was very old but still handing out his pamphlets and booklets. in his last years, he lost his pension because the delhi government declared him dead while he was still breathing. the struggle was to convince the government that he was still alive. fell on very very hard times towards the end.

"Wazn kitna hai kisi fankar ka

yeh pata chalta hai kaise aur kab.

Jamayee Asrar bola jaan lein

jab uthate hai ise kandhon par tab."

Article/Interview with Sharon Davis, on her life, transition, and the publishing of her memoir “A Finer Specimen of Womanhood”, the first ever memoir published by a Black Transgender woman
* This is like 98% of the article but I did edit out some misgendering, deadnaming & the more unnecessary commentary from the author.

“One of the strongest feelings I remember from my childhood is, precisely, of being humiliated; of being knocked about by words, acts, or situations. Isn’t it a fact that children are always feeling deeply humiliated in their relations with grown-ups and each other? I have a feeling children spend a good deal of their time humiliating one another. Our whole education is just one long humiliation, and it was even more so when I was a child. One of the wounds I’ve found hardest to bear in my adult life has been the fear of humiliation, and the sense of being humiliated. Every time I read a review, for instance — whether laudatory or not — this feeling awakes. To humiliate and be humiliated, I think, is a crucial element in our whole social structure.”

— Ingmar Bergman; Interviews with Ingmar Bergman by Stig Bjorkman

i always end up reading the most disappointing theory books over and over again because i remain utterly confused as to why they're so popular in the first place. like, i've read capitalist realism thrice now, and i cannot for the life of me figure out why it's so beloved.

what about this book makes it such an enduring reference? do depressed british university students stir intense empathy in everyone's hearts? does the misplaced application of lacanian psychoanalysis read exclusively through slavoj zizek's commentary make the blood run? does overinvesting the children of men and office space (a film i actually like, by the way) with meaning instill revolutionary fervour? i'm so confused?

i always end up reading the most disappointing theory books over and over again because i remain utterly confused as to why they're so popular in the first place. like, i've read capitalist realism thrice now, and i cannot for the life of me figure out why it's so beloved.

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