alright tumblr you're shorter staffed now which means you should allocate a couple dozen hours into implementing a pop-up that just says "DORK" in big bold letters if someone tries to tag a post with "op what does this mean" or "none of these words are in the bible" because it could really turn things around

another AITA post where the guy is just like “hi guys, my wife is cool as fuck like probably one of the coolest women i’ve ever met ever, how am i supposed to put up with this?”

"social media keeps you confined to your echo chamber" i WISH it did i wish all platforms i am on were keeping me in this perfect echo chamber where i only see the opinions of other communist transfeminists and youtube was constantly recommending me videos about how awesome HRT is instead theyre all working together to try to turn me into a fascist

Trump's a golf fan, right? Maybe he thinks the point is to make the dow as low as possible

#late night talk show ass post

Hey next time could you just kill me

colbert made this exact joke last night btw

otherwise interesting post ruined by the bold insistence that you can never accidentally abuse someone & that all abusive people are self-aware evil masterminds

I don't think my parents are aware that what they did was abuse. in fact I think one of the reasons they abused me was because they lacked the self-awareness, introspection, and education needed to realize what they were doing counted as abuse. if they did have more self awareness &etc, they would have likely stopped. it is not productive to insist they woke up in the mornings with the intent to psychologically torture a kid for no reason, when that is self-evidently not the case or within their motivations.

I'm speaking annecdotally here but I think many cases of abuse are like this. I think when reckoning with the reality of how abuse functions in our society, you must come to terms with the mundanity of it including the fact that abusive people are primed to overlook the harm of their own actions through the shield of mundanity and (lack of) intent.

"But abusers actions are often very good at isolating the victim, making sure the abuse is not observed by outsiders, etc." Yes. And that's compatible with not knowing that it's abuse.

"This got me looked at weird in the store so I'm only gonna do it to my kid in private from now on." is a thought people can have without the penny dropping, because most people really don't want to think of themselves as abusers. So abusers can have tons of moments like this without the realization that they are abusers.

In this way people who act abusive can, over a long period, develop habits that help them be abusive without realizing that they're doing it.

i wish there is a way to get rid of the stockholm syndrome this shit causes.

I don't know you and I'm not equipped to help u in general re:ur comment. but in response to ur tags I would like to add that in my opinion intent does NOT matter as much as actions matter, and that was one of the intended points of my original post: that no one needs to invent intent that wasn't there in order to justify whatever pain they (or someone else) is feeling. they can simply feel that pain and work on healing from that pain without worrying about trying to read the mind of whoever hurt them.

understanding why abuse happens, and by extension understanding that it isn't something committed by unknowable "born evil" people but rather by complicated, normal, people just like u and me, is also an important step in figuring out how we should talk about abuse and prevent future abuse.

but at the same time, people who have committed abuse are not owed forgiveness or grace from the people they've hurt, nor are they completely free from the blame either. the argument I'm making is one that looks at context and external dynamics of structural power, not one that says anyone should be allowed to commit whatever harm they want without being questioned on it.

going on a tangent this paragraph, but I think this is a really messy and nuanced conversation to have. so the central ethics I return to in conversations like this will always be through the lens of anti-carceral transformative justice. in plainer words, following my personal example in the original post: I do not think my parents are unlovable or irredeemable monsters, they're just people. so I don't want to see my parents sent to jail, fined, or "punished" for what they did to me. I don't want them "called out" or socially exiled. in a better world, I would want them to have received better education and resources on how to treat a child with kindness and respect, and I would want the societal, structural dynamics of "the family" to be reworked in favor of legal youth liberation and autonomy. and importantly, on the other side of the coin: it was not and will never be my responsibility to forgive or "fix" them myself. I feel all that's my responsibility is just to distance myself from the abusive dynamic, heal, and ideally speak up in preventing it from happening again to future kids (see: me writing my original post).

this isn't how everyone needs to feel about their abuse, but it's how I feel and might provide insight on these broader points I'm trying to make here.

idk how helpful all of this rambling is with your situation or for explaining my post, but I hope there's something to be gained from it.

TL;DR intent isn't what makes someone guilty. actions are what makes someone guilty. if someone hurt you, you can blame them for that and feel that pain without needing to read their mind to know their intentions.

also, I'm sorry for what you've gone through, I'm sorry you're still struggling with it, and I genuinely hope it gets easier for u in the future.

adrien brody is one of those actors with the opposite of iphone face. whenever i see him in any even halfway contemporary setting it throws me completely.

The comedic timing of this is destroying me. He might as well be suspiciously cheese shaped

straight people are so fascinating even when they aren't actively trying to be homophobic. I had a class a few years ago where one assignment was to summarize some eighth century arabic poetry about going out for drinks with the lads before indulging in some gay sex and like half the class came in and said "I'm sorry idk what was happening in this one, they mention having sex with a servant but they also say the servant's a man? where'd the woman come from? I'm so confused." and a few days ago in a shakespeare class I made a comment about how cleopatra and octavius caesar are kind of parallel characters in possessively bartering for mark antony's attention and one of my classmates responded as though I'd been talking about octavia and not caesar, despite the fact that I said "caesar" and "him" multiple times while describing the actions he specifically took. fully incapable of comprehending of anything that's even a little bit gay.

>eighth century

>getting drunk

>banging dudes

ABU NUWAS?!?

ABU NUWAS!

Saint Sebastian Tended by the Holy Irene and her Servant [detail] (1626-1630) | Nicolas Regnier

This is UNCANNY.

@vurelly

This genre of re-enactment of video game logic/bugs/behaviour will never cease to be immensely funny

Not to mention everyone who does it is so insanely talented at portraying not only the vibes, but being dead on with the motion. I mean the courier in this alone has amazing core strength and rag dolls the EXACT way that bodies do in game. It’s honestly incredible.

genuinely though i do think severance fans would 8enefit from reading a8out did/osdd (FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF SYSTEMS. NOT THE DSM...) and what the experience is like and what healing and recovery can look like. what peoples goals can 8e and the 8arriers to them. i think itd help give a 8etter understanding of whats going on for the characters and what a future for them could look like. and just may8e itd get you past the most 8asic shit like "which one is more real/deserving of living"

if you like BEING TRANSGENDER AND/OR PLURAL you should try RE-ANIMATOR BY EVERYTHING EVERYTHING

like we really hate to hear this - but power is in every human relationship. unless you are the exact same as your partner in age, class, race, ethnicity, religion, language, nationality, citizenship status, gender, sexual orientation, physical and mental ability, salary, education, etc, you have to negotiate the problems material power differentials pose to love, to treating others well. the response to this seems to have been to make certain points of difference - like age - load-bearing, in a way that erases others - class would be my example: far bigger a power disparity than, say, a ten year gap in age between adults is class and inheritable wealth, but you almost never see that acknowledged in the same way. and even if you were at parity in all those areas (gay twincest sweep??) there is still the emotional power that someone’s love and desire for you gives you over them. you can’t get rid of it. you cannot find the perfect relationship where it doesn’t exist by steadily winnowing down your “ethical” options via widening designations of “problematic relationships.” you have to confront the power you have over other people and think how you will wield it most lightly. sorry!

*frots you like this*