quoth the woman, "I'm Jolene"

actually complete bullshit that you can get so excited for something you start getting scared. what tigers are we trying to run from bro

You can't cut soft cheese in thin slices or wedges because it just gets squished, but you can with hard cheese, cause the protein holds it together. Casein point:

WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN HOBBY LOBBY

beauty standards are so fucked up what happened to i love your body because it's you. what then.

people get hotter the more you like them that's just science

Joy Sullivan, from “Culpable”, Instructions for Traveling West

a comic about cuddles

bro you gotta relinquish that shit. surrender it bro. it serves you not bro just cast it away.

no more group chats. we meet once a week from now on and everyone prepares 2 personal stories and 3-5 memes and we sit in a circle and have a Socratic seminar covering these topics

i love when cats roll around all cutely and then they look up at you like ₍^. .^₎ umm hi did you notices how cute i just was? did u see?

Harrow the ninth dares to ask the question, what if your found family just fucking suuuucked. What if they sucked soooo bad omg omg. Space alexa how do i unfind these people

rednote is the only good social media because its the only one that consistently shows me lambs from xinjiang in little hats

more.

you can't tell me you don't want this cat. (his foster name is Robbie Rotten btw)

Being ace and hot is a nightmare sometimes, I met this guy in my neighborhood, we live literally 200m away from each other, he's funny and witty and a genuine delight to talk to, and YESTERDAY he makes it clear he's flirting so now I'm trying to figure out how to turn him down and also throw my single friends at him because he really is a great catch, but I don't eat fish so he's wasted on me.

So now I have to figure out how to say 'I think, based on your tastes, I have some girlfriends you might like and they'd love to take you home, doggy walking same time next week?' in human speak.

Task failed abysmally, I'm having a threesome on Tuesday. My job is to look pretty and hand over the props.

That was fun, amd I learned some things about myself! Namely that I would make an excellent scantly-clad servant bowing to a sadistic evil queen. 10/10 would do it again.

Please stop reblogging this, if it ends up on Tiktok some teenybopper is gonna call me bad ace representation.

v.2

If I ever don’t reblog this, you can assume I’m dead. It’s just pure, sound-design gold.

The cuts, the slow ramp-ups, how it matches his dance moves.

MWAH.