Starting To Feel A Little Bit Mortal

Natasha Romanoff in: Iron Man 2 (2010) dir. Jon Favreau

"the internet isn't a replacement for human connection" well you apparently have never met my mutuals

amerikates asked: clint barton or shawn spencer

so anyway, just a reminder that Yelena is canonically ace (and very possibly aro as well)

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:

death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.

you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.

this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.

Take a deep breath in. Slowly breathe it out. You got this.

I can never leave Tumblr because after years of sporadic therapy utterly failed to even approach the core of my problem some random tumblr user was like “I processed my trauma by writing a 10,000 word work of filthy fanfic erotica” and I was like “fuck it I’ve tried everything else” and now I’m 17 chapters and 20,000 words deep into an unpublishable work of obscenity and after careful literary analysis with one of the Beloved Mutuals I have come to some Terrible Revelations about my childhood and may now continue the process of Healing. Where else am I supposed to get this kind of experience. Who does this. Why are we like this. I’m never leaving. I love y’all.

Hawkeye (2012) #5

I need such a long hug where you kinda forget whatever else is happening around you for a minute.

i love that stage in friendship where literally anything can be your hangout. early stage friendship is like "ah shoot, how do i keep them entertained? the beach? maybe? uhhh i think that there's some new movie out, fuck i hope they don't think i'm boring."

fully realized friendship is like. you're coming to the grocery store with me lol. also. we're going to watch this horrible hungarian music program until 2am

sometimes I wonder why y'all are obsessed with specific characters and I'm like "why them" but then I remember that sometimes its literally not your choice you just look at them wrong and all of a sudden they're taking up your every thought forever

Hawkeye (2012) #1

the thing i keep thinking about is how katniss, despite knowing the capitol is evil and despite seeing how they edited her games to tell a story, didn’t question haymitch’s much at all really when watching them. really drilling in the message that no one is immune to propaganda.

this part from catching fire hits very differently now