Pinned
Reblogged raineydaywrites
*through gritted teeth* every day i choose to be kind *barely restraining myself from violence* i choose to have compassion *tamping down the vicious bloodlust inside me* i choose to care and to be kind and to love
Reblogged lurkingcrow
Happy International Asexuality Day!!! 🖤🩶🤍💜
Reblogged lurkingcrow
vader: who tore the warning sign off of this wampa cage?? storm trooper: security footage shows it was removed by a golden protocol droid vader: LOL
Vader in RotJ: wait the Alderaan princess is my daughter?? don’t know how to feel about that.
Luke: she strangled Jabba the Hutt to death with a chain.
Vader: OH HELL YEAH
why would you hide this in the tags that’s hilarious
so. my wife came downstairs just as i took a bite out of the remaining half red onion on the counter. literally within seconds of just getting away with it. i looked at her, and she looked at me, and we both sat there a moment, all frozen, beforeshe said babs, what the fuck. i tried to say i can explain but it came out as or corn explorn because such was the onion in my mouth that there was no room for words. its honestly a miracle that she understood me at all. at least, i'm assuming that she understood me because she did let me get my bearings for a few moments. a smarter man would've used that time to think up a good lie, but instead i just chewed as fast as i could because i knew i was gonna have to tell a whopper and i really wanted to be able to use big words again.
big words are instrumental to telling a whopper.
anyway, i totally ran out of time. i barely got my first swallow of onion in before she said well?, and i did at least have an empty mouth to match my empty head. but also i had no lies. so i looked her dead in the face, opened my mouth and waited, every bit as curious as her, to hear what excuse my mouth was gonna come up with.
im pregnant, said my mouth.
great job, mouth, said my brain.
mmmmm onion, said my mouth.
better you than me, said my wife. then she went upstairs. it has been two hours she still refuses to kiss me. im devastated. im shook. im crying a little, i think.
(but that might just be the onion.)
Okay but now I have to know
What was the truth??
Because it simply cannot be as obvious as “what, I like onions”
It can’t
Because that would not need a lie
I know people who eat onions like apples simply for pleasure
I don’t understand them, but they say “what, I like onions”, and we both shrug, and they carry on
Also. Was. Was the plan to eat the whole thing? Just no more half red onion? Because the alternative form of “getting away with it” was you were planning to put it back with a bite taken out of it before she came in and that is if anything more unhinged
okay so i do this thing that i call tummy tacos where i put all the ingredients to a taco in front of me, but like, separate. and then i take big bites of all of them. but just one at a time. like one big mouthful of taco chicken and then swallow and then a separate big mouthful of chopped cabbage and then swallow and then a corn tortilla and you get the idea.
(my wife considers it Barbaric. she does not approve of tummy tacos.)
but yesterday i had this idea for stomach pico de gallo there i was gonna eat an onion and then a tomato and then a jalapeno and then some cilantro. thud achieving salsa internally. but i underestimated the call of the onion. i really could give a damn about everything else after the onion. i felt the love of jesus in that onion.
and thus i fell into folly.
Reblogged bundibird
I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby
English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son
2025 grandpa update: he is a long time doctor who fan and he just started Sherlock (2010). He just asked me "is there a fandom on tumblr for either of those shows?" And I am now faced with the ethical dilemma of lying to his face or getting my grandfather into superwholock Tumblr
Reblogged kirbymybeloved
the idea that people have romantic attraction to people who aren’t their friends is so weird to me. i dont even know if i like you as like a person why would i want to play boyfriends with you
Reblogged lightninginhersoul
yonkers is such a deeply unserious name for a place. i bet nobody even dies there
no they do i know cause i once saw the headline "7 dead in Yonkers incident" and said "what the fuck is a Yonkers incident"
Fuckin wild
Reblogged bundibird
Yeah hey mom I know it's been a while since I called. I have bad news. My cigarette broke in half. Yeah.. yeah Google said no way to fix it either
Reblogged bundibird
the original got flagged with no way to appeal it when every contributor is deactivated but I will never let this post die. it's monday and we are getting on it cunts
Reblogged lesbiankiliel
im just not convinced humans were ever meant to be this busy
every day i am surrounded by people who need more naptime, and more playtime, and more storytime, and more playdates and parties and sleepovers. when it comes to worktime, however
No, Google Docs, there is a distinct difference between "cussing" and "cursing."
Calling google ‘googie’ is such a power move imo
Tis indeed! Thank you for this addition. Here are some photo examples of the Googie style.
IT HAS A PROPER NAME?!
posts that provide surprise knowledge, balancing out posts that provide net zero knowledge gained, what a rich ecosystem we live in
Reblogged diamonds-and-dynamite
I’ve seen so many people joke about Glinda being exhausted having to cope with plucky little Dorothy Gale doing her little song while the entirety of act ii of Wicked is occurring in the background. Like the crushing weight of her complicity in an evil system is dragging her to hell and also her fiancé is now a scarecrow and has run off with her situationship. But the act ii context is actually exponentially crazier for Dorothy? Like imagine you are a fifteen year old whose admittedly unambitious dreams of just leaving the farm are already rendered impossible because you are staring down the double barrel of unprecedented rural poverty and climate crisis. You get caught out in a natural disaster and accidentally kill someone and end up straight in the middle of the craziest six-way divorce anyone has ever heard of that is currently actively melting down. No one tells you this. And they’re all taking it out on you. Free her!!!!!!
Reblogged lightblueminecraftorchid
[ID: a crudely drawn 3-panel comic. the first panel shows two small children asking an adult “can you put us on the big black donut.” the adult responds, “The What.” the second panel shows the adult looking over their shoulder to see a tire swing with an enormous puddle underneath, labelled “more water than anywhere ever.” the third panel shows the adult looking back at the kids with raised eyebrows as the kids smile innocently.]
Reblogged lightblueminecraftorchid
Oh, this is incredible.
Improv swing dance to a Todrick Hall song?
And they killed it!
*thanks to the people who pointed out my oops
12/23/2024
But you can see that while Hoodie knows the song and is setting the aesthetic, Glasses is the one actually leading the dance! West coast swing is a style where the follower (in more traditional dance, the woman) is being led but is actually the one moving more. You can see that Hoodie is the one taking up the slot and Glasses is giving him something to hold onto while mostly just getting out of the way--which is what the leader does.
Reblogged voidartisan
How was Darth Vader as a parent?
Pretty hands off.