Concerning derbies, deception, and zie creatures of la deep.

Click here if you wanna read.

Concerning my duck-like feet, th’old push-iron, and the toughster.

Click here if you wanna give it a read.

My autistic son on a terraced street:

“Ugh, there’s not much driveways”

He’s quite bright, but he sometimes word jumbles when talking out loud - a problem I have myself.

The funny thing was how fed up he sounded by the lack of driveways when he said it.

“Ugh.”

image from here.

Are you Are Missing Wurker?

Just seen a job for a street sweeper - the responsibilities of which are to simply pick up and sweep rubbish and rubbish-like objects.

The main details are:

- Temporary - 63 hours a week - 1 day off a week - Minimum wage

And yet, the applicant must also:

- HAVE PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE.

This is a horrible sounding job - the sort that should be reserved for serial killers who have just been released from jail on a technicality - a job with no security, poor pay, and fuck-awful hours, and yet the council feel like they are in a position to be picky over who applies for it?

The only stipulation on this should be:

MUST HAVE HANDS

and even that would be doing a disservice to some of the more gifted hook-users out there.

This is a review I did for the film review blog, ‘Screen 150′ - a blog on which guest writers attempt to surmise a film in exactly 150 words.

Click the pic if you wanna read what I made of ‘Domino.’

If and when Spiderman clones himself, is the plural ‘Spidermans’ or ‘Spidermen?’

image from here.

I'll just die if nobody likes this post (dies)

Concerning T-Rexes, testicles, and the ass-sex of evil.

Click here if you wanna give it a read.

So my dog, he is drooling a lot. He is leaving little patches of drool around the house. And yesterday - yesterday I found two little puddles in my boots. Is this some sort of message?

In memory of all the brave astroprimates that Nasa sent into space. For some reason. Science probably.

Dragons’ Den Idea 001

PROBLEM

Mafiosos coming into your hospital and using pillows to smother people - often to death - said people being “rats” or “stool pigeons” who have inopportunely injured themselves during the middle of their ratting.

SOLUTION

Breathable pillows! Highly porous pillows through which one’s breath can easily be inhaled.

THAT’S GREAT, BUT HOW DO I MAKE MONEY FROM THAT?

After several minutes of failing to murder asphyxiate a stoolie, the mafioso will come out to complain to the boss nurse. At this point:

YOU SELL THEM A REGULAR PILLOW AT A RIDICULOUSLY HIGH MARKUP,

MAKING YOU AND YOUR ACCOMPLICES SEVERAL OR MORE OF THESE:

Are you ready to make some money!?!?

What’s the plural of faux pas? Shit, never mind, I don’t think either of them are going to give me chance to explain anyway.

image from here.