A group of far-future linguists and archeologists suddenly *poof* into existence in front of me. One is holding a tablet. "What is the difference between 'red sauce' and 'tomato sauce?'" they ask me. "The distinction is not clear in extant texts from this time and place."

"Uh, they're the same thing," I tell them. "Who are you?"

"Yes!" the being with the tablet exclaims.

One of the other researchers groans. "No! My thesis...months of writing wasted..." One of the others comforts them.

"Now, what is this object for?" The first researcher holds up a discolored, dinged-up plastic object. It's clearly been buried in the ground for quite some time, but the two holes and the scuffed plastic window are distinctive.

"That's a cassette tape. You record music with it."

"Interesting, interesting." The being enters something on the tablet.

"How are you speaking English?"

"Sophisticated translation technology," one of the researchers confides. "We are students of your society. From the future."

"What does this pictogram represent?" The researcher with the tablet turns it around so that the screen faces me.

It's the eggplant emoji.

"Sex," I say. "Why do you need to ask me this if you can time travel or whatever? Can't you just go wherever you want to go and look around and see how these things are being used?"

The beings shift guiltily and look at each other. "Technically, travel to times and places prior the advent of time travel is strictly prohibited. Paradoxes, you know."

"Oh."

"We must be get back before our advisor returns to the lab. Just don't tell anyone you saw us, alright? The space-time continuity depends on it. Can you do that?"

"Uh, sure, I guess?"

One of them pats me on the head. "And don't go to Mars."

"Okay. Wait, why? Is it dangerous?"

"No. Just not worth it."

The group disappears in a shimmering light.

The cassette clatters to the sidewalk behind them.

Out of befuddlement, mainly, I pick it up. It's clearly old, discolored and scuffed, but it still has tape in it.

I carry the tape around in my pocket for a while. The curiosity builds. I want to know what's on that tape. I don't have a cassette player anymore, so I go to Goodwill and pick up the first one I can find, praying that it still works. I plug it in. It turns on.

I slide the tape inside. It's dirty, but it still seems to be in decent shape. I snap the player closed and hit play. The wheels begin to turn. I hold my breath.

A familiar tune starts up. A wobbly voice comes out of the machine.

We're no strangers to love

there's a post on here that's like "the worst thing a piece of fiction can be is mean", and while I agree with that, I think it being insincere is just as bad. nothing more obnoxious than a story that's constantly sneering and rolling its eyes at its own genre in a bid to seem clever and above it all.

"isn't it so ridiculous how we're singing in this musical?" "isn't the world building in our monster collector so ridiculous?" "aren't the leads in our fairy tale romance such idiots?" "isn't the setup in this horror film so cliched?" okay now say something true and real.

there is something to be said for going to zoos and aquariums on weekdays to avoid school-aged crowds but going to the aviary on a weekend is fun because going into big greenhouses and watching toddlers who just learned to walk encounter loose tropical animals taller than they are is part of the overall experience for me.

to me a three year old is just as much an entertaining and strange beast as an egret. and here they can interact directly. incredible.

listening to a macaw say “peekaboo” at a preschooler who takes it at face value that some birds must be completely fluent in English and no one has bothered to mention this before. unmatched

is that the anarky symbol?

“anarky”

Yeah, Anarky. From Batman: Arkham Origins. Apparently it is also used by real life anarchists as well, but I recognized it from the game.

I’m,,,

who tf bought arkham origins

fuck it homebrew boop button. reblog this post to boop the person you reblogged from.

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

# my favourite part about this post # is that nowhere does it say to reblog this # but we’re all reblogging it # because if we have to suffer # so do other writers

this is how i envision the dialogue in severance having never watched it and only seeing peoples incomprehensible posts about it

fandom approaches male characters from a watsonian perspective and female characters from a doylist perspective

by virtue of being made up constructs everything about fictional characters only exists as far as what is told about them, and yet underdeveloped male characters are assumed to have rich inner lives that the writer have simply not tapped into - when they actually did not give them any - and it's therefore up to fans to rescue the character from the writer's assumed negligence and explore him themselves through headcanon-ing the shit outta them picking up small bits of characterization and expanding from it, whereas female characters are taken at extreme face value: if the writer did not give them an inner life then she doesn't have one period, even within the universe of the story where everyone is a living breathing person, and it's not worth exploring. even when the small bits of context and characterization about her insinuate something interesting about inner world and leave room to spin an interesting backstory and motivations there seems to be no interest in fandom to do so.

Alright let’s get this over with

AHAHAA, GOTTEM

Every year the notes on this post make me so happy

I am yet again fueled by outrage for another year

M O R E

>:o)

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

# my favourite part about this post # is that nowhere does it say to reblog this # but we’re all reblogging it # because if we have to suffer # so do other writers

"but this female character has so little personality in canon what am i supposed to do with her!!1!!" the newsies fandom in 2014 was giving rich backstories and elaborate personalities to nameless white guy #35. learn. adapt

The good news: you get to pick your new soulmate! (You can define "soulmate" however you want: platonic/romantic/partners in crime/etc. But they will be in your life, constantly.)

The bad news: you don't get to pick where they come from.

Spin this wheel until you get a fandom with characters that you recognize. As soon as you do, stop. One of those people* is going to be a constant presence in your life, whether you like it or not. So choose wisely.

*broadly defined

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

These wonderful people have a single braincell to share but unfortunately none of them are using it

incredibly cute how sophie keeps calling harry ‘our mr wilson.’ your honour that’s her emotional support evil lawyer