mid life crisis ? no no, mid DAY crisis. happens every day

Bull-dozer ❄️

lifehack

if you catch and fight the UPS guy and win you get to keep all the packages in the truck

Madison Montgomery entering the murder house

I hate that bugs don’t take fall damage

How I knock a spider off the ceiling and that shit hit the ground and start running

traffic sign: NO U TURN

me: no, U turn ;)

me: *shoves my entire face into my cat’s body*

cat: *heaves a heavy sigh as he grimly accepts his fate*

I love hanging out with baby boomers my mom was driving and we passed a “road work ahead” sign and obviously i have no self control so now she thinks I’m the funniest person she knows

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

Your brain’s about four times the size of a cat’s

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

Your lungs can hold 5.5 liters of air

The soles of your feet can never grow hair

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SPONGEBOB…

SQUAREPAAAAAAAANTS

*~deedlee-doot-dee-doot doo-oot~*