i'm actually very normal if you ignore everything i have ever said and done

are you in a good headspace to receive my triple barrage hell nightmare skeleton attack right now.

its ok if nows not a good time

Hey, stop scrolling.

Everyone who is reading this: I’m so glad you’re alive. I’m so proud of you. You are loved. I’m here. Don’t give up, we’re almost there.

Pass it on.

i'm hotter than i think i am but i'm also uglier than i think i am. won't elaborate

Need friends that will give me back rubs

i am aware of the problems. however. i would rather be comfy in my bed. good night.

Me when my cat is running around at 2:00 a.m. and knock something over

I am personally in favor of gays desecrating US government institutions

I cannot be both the JUDGE and the DEFENDANT in my own life it is a conflict of interest and I am committing so many crimes and looking the other way

yes your honor I did remain in bed until 3pm instead of buying groceries like I said I would but could I bribe you with. Four more hours and a pizza delivery? Innocent. Court adjourned

(eating an entire thin crust brooklyn pepperoni by myself, topless) this whole fucking city is dirty

I tell myself I get coffee bc it will wake me up and give me energy but really it just gives me anxiety and goes straight to my asshole

Women light up the world. That's why it's called Broad daylight.

sore throats might be the stupidest response to illness i've ever experienced. oh you want to eat? drink?? breathe air??? TEN THOUSAND KNIVES ATTACK

Reblog to give me a little kiss