I think something that really got to me about the context of Style's breakdown is knowing that Style has extensive experience with what it means to have to be "strong" for the sake of someone else. We know his dad broke down / potentially was emotionally and maybe even mentally absent after his mom died ("he lost his bearings for a bit" is vague, but it gives us an idea that it was both fairly severe and also prolonged enough to be concerning), we know that Style had to cope with that when he was "only a kid" and so much of this learned coping can be seen in this episode.
Even while the plan to turn Lily in is in motion, it's Style that ensures the practicalities of Fadel and Bison having fake passports and an idea of how to get out of the country. And it makes so much fucking sense for them not to trust the Captain, who has literally been nothing but shady and unreliable -- like we literally meet him going back on his word by blackmailing Kant with a record he was already supposed to have expunged.
As much as I appreciate Kant having his little revenge blackmail plotline (for the poetry of it all - also, Kant's expression in this scene is <3), it was purely happenstance that he stumbled on it in the first place. Kant didn't even realise that the Captain would be at Babe's school; his surprise when he sees him is a clear indication of that. So Kant's plan, as far as we know, really was to trust in the Captain's reliability (the disbelief, it's SO very suspended).
So I'm really grateful, not only for the good sense Style had to take these precautions, but also how it shows that Style's carefree and seemingly childish demeanour does not preclude him from being serious when something matters to him: Style is thinking, planning, and actively taking steps to ensure that Fadel and Bison somehow maintain their freedom.
And all of this is motivated by something so very simple: Style's love for Fadel is so complete, so fundamental to what he wants for his future, that Style has no reservations with uprooting his entire life, potentially leaving his dad and everything he's ever known, for years, as long as he gets to be with Fadel. The only thing Style is truly afraid of is not having this future. He can stomach anything else, but not an outcome that would deny him being by Fadel's side.
So when it all comes crashing down, when the brothers decide they're going to take the deal and Style is forced to accept Fadel's choice, Style is genuinely upset for himself. Fadel is resigned to this; if anything, as he says himself, 5 years is nothing compared to the life sentence or death he was expecting. But Fadel being on the run would have allowed Style to be with Fadel, while jail means a prolonged separation, and the whole point of all of Style's efforts at the start of the episode was to avoid precisely this outcome.
But Style's love is also inherently selfless. I've been saying this over and over again, and it was so clear to me in episode 7 and 8 that Style will set aside his own feelings, will deny his own immediate wants, if he knows it will benefit the one he loves. The day was never about what Style wanted or even Style's own feelings about missing Fadel. This last day was a gift to Fadel, a chance to make memories which may be all Fadel has to carry him through the next 5 years.
So Style takes one last moment for himself, one moment to allow the agony he feels to bleed through when Fadel cannot see it...
...before he commits himself to being nothing but cheerful and comforting and understanding and supportive to Fadel for the rest of the day. I know it was a small moment, but it broke me the way Style very clearly places his hand under Fadel's. The way he gives Fadel something to hold onto, to anchor himself to, as Fadel tries to find the words to promise Style's dad a future he knows he cannot guarantee. Style's entire fucking thing this episode is a harrowing lesson on putting on a front and being strong for someone else.
Because Fadel wants this so badly. He wants his last day with Style to be a happy one. He wants to take the time to show his affection and care and cling onto the pretence at normalcy, to spend the day being the kind of sweet boyfriend Fadel never really got the chance to be with Style because the last time he did this was when he was lying to Style and he thought Style didn't love him. And Style gives Fadel the relief of being strong enough to bear what Fadel wants; even in the face of Fadel's grave and a rather morbid conversation that fringes on suicidal ideation, Style finds a way to make Fadel smile.
So we get a do-over, a highlight reel of some of their most intense moments of either connection or fracturing, only this time, Fadel gets to be honest about what he feels for Style. He gets to accept Style's love without having to pretend that he doesn't want or need it. He gets to let Style know just how much Style means to him, why Fadel is so grateful that Style came into his life. And Style, selfless and true to his promise gives Fadel everything he needs to get through the day. Gives Fadel exactly what he asked for even if it carved out his own heart in the process.
And oh god, I'm so grateful for this acknowledgement that Fadel knows what is going on. He knows that Style is sad, he knows that Style feels things keenly, that the jokes and the flippant words are a mere coverup. But he also understands that this is how Style both deals with his grief and also that it's being done out of love, and so Fadel allows himself to be grateful and to love Style all the more for it.
And even when Fadel himself breaks, when the tears come at the end of the night, when Fadel has been forced to take Style's promise to remain true to him despite Fadel wanting better for him, Style gives Fadel the dignity of pretending all he's wiping away are the crumbs on his face and not the proof of Fadel's inability to be strong for himself.
Which is why I knew this was coming. I knew that Style could only go so long, could only be so strong, before he would crumble. Because this was the one thing Style didn't want to happen. This was the one fucking thing he asked Fadel for -- that they would get to be together, no matter what the cost was. And oh, he was so brave when he realised it wasn't going to happen, he was so strong even as he was forced to watch Fadel walk into handcuffs, right until the car disappeared into the darkness... and when Fadel could no longer see him, that's when Style shatters.
Because five years is still too fucking long when your heart's just been taken from you.
