Living_inthestars

This- might be an incredibly stupid thing to post here, for potentially unknown numbers of people to see - but this is one of the few place I dont have to hear about my opinions from someone else in person. So ill take that risk. These are my opinions, if you have a scientifically backed reason for why these opinions should be invalid- tell me. Otherwise, dont tell me what I think as someone who is bat shit crazy terrified for my future and the millions, and billions, of other people’s futures.

TW: a lot of things, current events, guns, language- a lot of things

I have never been so fucking terrified to exist. When I was 5, my biggest fear was the dark and thunderstorms. When I was 11, it was a creeper in minecraft. When I was 14 it was about not fitting in with my peers. When I was 17 it was “hey am I going to graduate before I get shot?” And now it’s worrying if I would be safe being open about myself and my life. Cause the short answer is no.

Im not. My partner isnt. My sibling isnt, my friends arent either. The people that I care about the most are in the same fucking boat as me. My best friend and I cried when we found out the voting results, fearing more than ever.

I have heard so many fucking people around me trying to defend what is happening. And if I am 100% honest, if I financially could I would have left where I am a long time ago. They tell me they care for my safety and happiness, but ultimately vote for the “economy”. I would rather be broke and myself than be rich and a fake. No one, absolutely *no one* is going to make me say that I am not trans or gay. They cannot take that from me, even if they hold a gun to my motherfucking head. And if I came to that, I would be the one to pull the trigger. Why?

Because I would rather die with my honor and pride of knowing that I was true to myself until the end, than to let them think theyve won somehow.

I know I am shouting into a void, and maybe the void will shout back—- but now isnt the time to hide away and be quiet. I have lived far too much of my life with anxiety. I have lived my whole life conforming to what other people expected of me. Im done conforming and hiding. If I die tomorrow, I die tomorrow and that was the will of the gods. But I will not hide away just so I dont get a bullet through my skull. For one of the first times in my life, I dont want to be silent- I dont care about how my family might view me differently: they always have. I care about my friends, my partner, my chosen family—-

I dont care what pronouns you use, I just care that youre a good fucking soul. I dont care if my ideals dont match yours, as long as you dont fucking shoot me for it. I dont care about your religion as long as I have mine too.

I dont know what the future holds. I dont know who will be alive and who wont. I dont know how much sufferinf we’ll face or not. But I can gaurentee the only way that I am going to end up dead is if its by my own hand when no other options are present. I am not going down without a fucking fight.

To those who read this far:

Dont give up. So long as Im here, and even beyond me, there will always be a reason to fight. So dont give up. Love one another, protect each other, be there for each other.