“you put some sunglasses on!”

oh my god. holy shit. deez nups. the entire buttering-up of seeing lassiter happy the whole episode only for the shules event at the end..? the look on shawn’s face is horrible. just seeing the moment where he realizes that nothing he ever did was good enough for anybody; that his life and choices in life aren’t worth the effort he put into them. where no matter how much good he does- how many murderers he catches; he’s a failure above all else. it’s a direct parallel to his relationship with his dad; the way that he has to choose profession or love and neither way is a good option. where love sculpts you into an ugly vision of self where you only live to please others; and profession offers you joy but only at the expense of never being able to be yourself. shawn doesn’t win in either of these scenarios and he can’t because there’s no way to. no matter what happens after this episode; I don’t think shawn will ever be fully redeemed as a concept; as a character? sure, they need to keep the plot moving. but as a person? in real life that kind of thing doesn’t just disappear after a couple of filler episodes, it lingers and reminds you that people love you until; until they meet a part of you they don’t like, until they figure out a part of you that they didn’t want to. and it’s your fault for being broken; it’s your fault for having that part; that indescribable part that even you aren’t too sure you’d like to share. but they see it, and all the time before that is only until.

i feel like it’s very shawn coded of me to have dropped this show entirely after the complete devastation that was deez nups. this abandonment of course being an attempt to avoid the fallout of something that resulted from my decisions!

shawn would so drink energy drinks and forget to eat when he’s in a bad mental state. like he and gus would be wandering around the city looking for something interesting to do and suddenly. just full vision blackout. he steadies himself on gus’ shoulder and gus sits him down and scolds him because “redbull is not a meal, shawn.” and gus orders them Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos and they go home because “i know how you get shawn. it’s ok to spend a day in.”