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Realm of the Chaos Gremlin

@sir-buddy

I've done nothing but teleport bread for three days

Real observations since I started wearing a wizard hat daily:

- Brim is so wide that I stay BONE DRY taking walks in the rain

- Brim can be positioned to block the sun from ever getting in my eyes AND keeping it off the back of my neck

- The pointed top part creates an air pocket, keeping my head from getting hot or squishing my hair as it might in a ball cap

- Hat can easily be pulled down over the tips of my ears without looking dumb, protecting them from wind chill

- Strangers say they like my hat, giving me the chance to tell them that I am a wizard

- When you’re wearing a wizard hat, ALL OTHER FASHION CHOICES become secondary, allowing you to branch out with style

Embrace ego death. Stay protected from all elements. Wear a wizard hat.

this is the greatest advertisement of our culture ive ever seen

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Anonymous asked:

I know a lot of ppl talk about Ford’s fucked up sleeping schedule but we are missing out on both of the sea Grunkles having absurd sleeping schedules.

You’re telling me, Stanley Danley Pines, a man who had a day job of performing, watching over the kids, and having the night job of having to figure out complex equations, having to take up mechanics to re build the portal and a tracking device to find where Ford is theoretically in the multiverse would be have the best sleeping schedule?!

Mans probably taking random ass naps during the daytime. Neither of the brother have proper sleep schedules.

Oh you've given me a reason to talk about the Stan twins and sleeping, you're going to regret this

Between the two of them, I am of the controversial opinion that its STAN who doesn't sleep.

Ford knows the value of sleep. He spent however long avoiding sleep as a LIFE OR DEATH type situation (Bill) and THEN spent 30 years in the multiverse in constant danger sleeping only when he could. Ford has had a terrible relationship with sleeping for forever, even when he was a teen, desperate to prove himself, he wasn't sleeping in order to study and read.

Which is WHY, retired Ford? Fucking LOVES to sleep.

Bill is gone. He's on a boat, safe, with his brother by his side and all the food, medical supplies, and resources he could ever need or want, studying anomalies on what is basically a never ending vacation. All this to say, FORD takes naps. He takes naps in bed, at all hours. He takes naps on couches, on chairs, on the desk, sitting upright in kitchen stools, Ford takes naps in the car, no matter what car, whatever. If the place is VAUGLY comfortable and his brother is nearby, Ford is out like a light. The man makes napping an OLYMPIC LEVEL SPORT and he wins it like everything else. The amount of sleep he gets is something to aspire to.

STAN on the other hand. Is the opposite. His sleep was not a constant pull towards factors he could not control, his sleep schedule is as solid as stone and as unending as steel.

It's just TERRIBLE.

Stan runs, fully functional and his ultimate cheery (grumpy) self, on MAXIMUM three hours of sleep a night. 10 years of rigorous sleep schedule to move the car he's sleeping in so he doesn't get his window knocked on by police. Top THAT with 30 years of running the shop during the day, and spending ALL NIGHTS EVERY NIGHT working on the portal, means that Stan's body has given up the fight of demanding more sleep and just thrown in the towel, and Stan gets by with basically nothing

This is, predictably, SUPER GODDAMN UNHEALTHY.

When Ford gets back, Stan sort of. Doesn't know what to do with himself. He's awake, no matter of tossing and turning really matters, he's just. Perfectly fine being alive at 2 in the morning

After the memory gun, Ford is VERY CONCERNED by this behavior, CONVINCED that the not sleeping thing is a side effect. It isn't until Stan gets all his memories back (and after Stan yells at him for hovering) that Ford internalizes that Stan really. Just. Doesn't sleep.

(He learns the reasons for it and has a whole ADDITIONAL guilt spiral on top of the Bill cipher/memory gun one. Stan has to actually wrestle him into the idea that he loves him anyway)

Que Stanford Pines Ultimate Plan to get Stan to sleep more.

Hes a doctor twelve times over, surely this will be easy.

ERR WRONG. Stan is a hard nut to Crack.

Super comfortable bed? No change. Better pillows? Ultra soft blankets? Nope. Weighted blankets? Stan feels too constricted, opposite effect. Darkened bedroom space? Too dark. Nightlight? The blue light makes them BOTH have night terrors. Sleep aids like sleeping pills or dummies? Stan compares them to the drugs the mental institution gave him and Ford hucks them into the ocean.

Stan's BATSHIT sleep schedule is a constant battle Ford has to fight, but by god is he going to win. Eventually.

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To everyone responding to this post with a variation of “so co-sleeping for the win?”

Yes.

Ford’s tried everything to get Stanley to sleep more. A bad sleep schedule and less hours sleeping is actually DETRIMENTAL to ones health, and Ford would like to keep sailing or just living with a very ALIVE brother thank you very much, and that means that he needs to fix Stans sleep problems.

After. Probably A While, Ford decides, ya know what? Fuck it. Human octopus. Im dragging you to bed whether you want to sleep or not, and if you try to move I will either be pulled with you like a starfish or I will wake up very suddenly (ford puts his space gun ALL THE WAY AWAY for this test, because lord knows he’d reach for it if he was startled out of sleep and even the THOUGHT of pointing a gun at his brother again makes him ill)

Stan objects strenuously, but Ford is very. Very stubborn, and Stan may be a little touch starved because when its time for bed, Ford basically lays on top of him and very promptly goes right to sleep (Ford being the old man who naps like. Everywhere. Is a very important thing to me. You guys dont have to agree but something about Ford, the Guy Who Is Basically A Space Pirate, snoring away five minutes into movie night while everyone snickers is just. It’s such a soft idea and i love it)

So Stan now Cannot Move because his brother is asleep on top of him, and Stans pissy about it for a while, but finally he goes “i know, Ill get three hours of sleep now, and when I wake up Ford will be so deeply asleep he wont notice me move” and closes his eyes

It’s quiet, it’s dark, and Ford here, and he’s comfortable.

Stanley wakes up swaddled in blankets at 9am the next morning, groggy and eyes crusty and with drool down his chin, hair an absolute mess, to Fords supremely, unbearably, downright insufferable smug ass face.

I laughed so damn hard at this, please accept this 5 minute mspaint doodle. I hope it conveys even 5% of the distress I can imagine on fords face

Im a cutually in tears. How did you manage to convey such. Emotion. On Ford’s face. Im. Im wheezing laughing. It’s a CIRCLE and yet. I see it perfectly. I could never reddraw that panel because it’s perfect. Im crying. How. Did you do that. I can picture it. Perfectly.

Because

Secondly, these tags I could barely see through my laughing tears need to be immortalized

Because Im imagining Ford just SNAPPING upright, wide eyed, and Stan at first is like “you good?” Thinking he had a nightmare, and Ford just snaps his head around like the exorcist and goes “Stanley. This fucks.”

And immediately starts training to be the best napper of all time. Anywhere, anytime, if the surface is vaguely horizontal hes going to nap on it. If he sits in one place for more than 30 minutes not doing something then guess what? Hes asleep. Snoring away. Honk sho. Mi mi mi mi motherfucker.

Stan is not about that nap life unless, A, Ford is also napping, probably ON him, and B, there is a particularly nice sunbeam on him too. Thats prime nap conditions and Stan wont do it otherwise. Ford would lay down in a puddle face up in the pouring rain on cement in the gutter and go to sleep in three minutes without a problem

i need you to know i’ve completely integrated this headcanon into my mind. it’s real to me now, except i also see Ford’s journey with sleep being ‘absolute love for naps vs horrible awful night terrors’, where Stan is like ‘you know, i avoid those by Not Sleeping’ and Ford just grabs his shoulders like ‘Stanley. you don’t understand. I dozed off while we were fishing in the sun and it was the GREATEST thing to happen to me. i will always be chasing that high’ and Stan just. he has to accept it. He’ll find Ford conked out facedown on the table not even half an hour later and accept it as his reality

I just LOVE the idea of Ford just. Being asleep places.

Like obviously for a long time he's still HYPER ALERT immediately, like he will startle out of sleep and into the offensive just on pure survival portal instincts but after like. A year? Two? Three? Ford is asleep EVERYWHERE.

I think he still GETS night terrors, but honestly? His love for naps is too great. He might have had a terrible nightmare the night before, but if he goes out on deck and his deck chair is in the most perfect spot in the sun? He physically cannot resist. His love for naps eventually overpowers his fear of nightmares. The power of napping

I'm imagining Stan just. "Huh I wonder where Ford went?" And turning a corner and his brother is like. Planking across the kitchen counter. Asleep.

(Stan just sends the twins Polaroid picture after picture of Ford Napping In Weird Places. Park benches, countertops, against a tree, hidden in the boats engine room, everywhere.)

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what I think will happen if I message my mutuals

the image was making me really sad so i drew the little guy being taken care of

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