Til Human Voices Wake Us (and we drown)

The voices in my head.

(Sound on.) We’re all doomed.

History and related historical professionals straight up not having a good time right now.

*raises hand* yep.

So the airbase has a commander whose name is Sergeant. His rank is Lieutenant Colonel and his office is, of course, private.

this is even better than Major Major in Catch-22

I cant stop reciting this and then laughing so hard I cry

transcript:

I firmly believe all the best stories happen at WalMart self checkout, I was there at 3 in the morning one time buying Froot Loops, and there was a tall, tall country dad there and his little 5 year old daughter.

And when buying my Froot Loops, I dropped them. And I said "fuck. my loops." And I remember, like, in the back hearing, [gruffer, southern accented voice] "Yeah! Dont be afraid to speak!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "What?"

And he was like, [accented voice] "Youre angry, about your cereal. Say it. Say Fuck with your chest!"

[normal voice] And I was like, "...Fuck!" and his little daughter was like [less gruff accented voice] "Yeah my daddy lets me say Bitch!"

Air Himbo

Water Himbo

Earth Himbo

Fire Himbo

@crvggio​ I’ve been laughing at this for 47 years

And the Avatar

Reblogging again because that last addition is IMPORTANT

But when the world needed him most, he pulled the wrong lever...

Why do they even have that lever?

Well done everyone, 10/10 post

Darcy’s introduction in Pride and Prejudice is really ‘what if you had just had the worst month of your life because your ex-bestie tried to lover boy scam your baby sister out of her share of your dad’s life insurance and your friend dragged you to a shitty party in a dive bar in the neighbourhood where he’d just signed a short term lease, and you decided to let your bad mood show because you were never going to see any of the assholes in this stupid shitty bar EVER again. And your friend ended up making out with a girl he’d just met there while you were stuck talking to her sister who was less cute and then her mother appeared and started trying to matchmake and started saying how if she was twenty years younger she’d clime you like a redwood and ooooh is that a black Amex, guess the next round is on you hahhahahahaha, while her other sister (how many fucking sisters does she have?!) flashed an obviously fake ID at the bar and ordered six vodka-diet red bulls and no one in her family except the less-cute sister even tried to stop her. And you went home and consoled yourself that you would never see any of these people again but then you met them over and over again because they live next door and your friend and the cute sister keep meeting up to make out but not actually date and then. You fall in love with the less-cute sister because it turns out she’s really witty and charismatic but she already knows and remembers and resents the fact that on a day when you were in a shitty mood you called her mid out loud in a dive bar.’

Friends described living under the Trump Administration as being slowly beaten to death by a rubber chicken.

It still hurts. It's still painful. But you keep hearing a synthetic BAWWW every time it hits you as a constant reminder of how it's the stupidest possible way to die.

i could do a great one of those “get ready with me” morning routine videos. like hi welcome to my channel everyone! first thing i do when i wake in the morning is i step outside and i take a deep breath and i get real high and i scream from the top of my lungs what’s going on—

and after that i try. oh my god do i try. i try all the time. in this institution

my mom, discussing furries with me: but I don’t get all the cats and dogs, why wouldn’t you want to be a sexy animal? like a kangaroo

me: mama what the hell does that mean

my mom: so muscular

Forest tree frog

Decrying the deportation as “wholly lawless,” U.S. District Judge Paula Xinis ruled Monday that the Trump administration had three days to return her to the United States from a Salvadoran prison or face contempt of court charges. “Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents had no legal basis upon which to send me, a U.S. citizen and federal official, to one of the most notorious prisons in the Western Hemisphere,” said Xinis, banging on the walls of her cell in a controversial holding facility in Tecoluca, El Salvador, where she was sent on the basis of an “administrative error” that classified the Yale Law School graduate and sitting judge as a suspected member of the MS-13 gang.

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Some closeups of the best graffiti I've ever seen

My uncle got a notification that someone was ringing his doorbell. This was the culprit. 

(Source)